Thu, Sep 3, 1981
The company arrive back in England and grope their way through the fog to Customs where Ashford is almost arrested and the demobilization centre, where they are dismayed by the lack of choice for their civilian suits. Overall they find that, despite their being away on service, nobody respects them. However it still feels good to be a private citizen, and they all have homes to go to - except Williams, who applied to be a prison warder but was turned down as being too old. Parkin displays rare insight in being the only man to pick up on this and suggests the sergeant major moves in with him. The offer is gratefully accepted.
Thu, Jul 23, 1981
After accidentally being hit on the head by a coconut, Gloria undergoes a strange transformation into a fearless, serious soldier, killing a snake with his bare hands. He and Williams attack a Japanese camp, forcing the soldiers to retreat. He is rewarded with a medal but by this time he has returned to his old self and faints when it is pinned on him.
Thu, Feb 20, 1975
Sheltering from monsoon rain in a temple once used by the Thugs, a murderous religious sect from the previous century, the group discover a statue of Devi, the sect's goddess, with rubies for eyes. Everybody makes their own efforts to steal the rubies but, come the morning, Rangi explains that the temple's curator will sell them for 500 rupees, which the men club together to raise. Rangi and the curator then split the money before putting two more fake rubies in the statue's eyes.
Thu, Jan 2, 1975
Williams is irritated by the men's inability to correctly perform an evening ceremony whereby the flag is run down the mast and is delighted when an entertainments officer arrives from Delhi, with orders that the party performs in the jungle. He confirms that Parkin cannot go because he has a bad case of dandruff. However the Colonel orders that all of them, including himself and Ashford should go, and that includes Williams and Parkin.
Fri, Jan 9, 1976
As it is rumored that one of the sons of the Maharajah of Bharatpah is planning to murder his father, the concert party are sent to the Maharajah's palace to protect him. It is decided that 'Lofty' the shortest but tubbiest member of the group, will jump out in front of the Maharajah to save him from attack. He does this several times but each is a false scare. Meanwhile the Maharajah thrashes Williams at snooker by cheating.
Thu, Aug 27, 1981
The lads get into the truck that will take them to the port and the ship home. They have had special inoculations but the vaccine ran out before Lofty could have his so he has to wait until more vaccine arrives. Char Wallah Muhammed will arrange for him to be taken to the port in a rickshaw. The men's truck breaks down and they put on a show for the garage owner to repair it. Lofty's rickshaw also comes to grief but the garage owner is a fan of his and gives him a bike. The men are all on board the ship which is about to leave when, at the last minute, Muhamed turns up on the bike bringing Lofty to join the others.
Thu, Jan 31, 1974
Williams, who disapproves of soldiers as entertainers, thinks the men need toughening up and leads them on a survival course in the jungle. Whilst he is surviving on berries and jungle water the men are having cups of tea and cooked meals provided by the local staff, who are following them. He cannot understand why they seem so much fitter than him. Soon they arrive at the house of the local district commissioner, who is hosting Reynolds and the captain. He likes the idea of a concert party and, to Williams' dismay, asks them to put on a show for him.
Thu, Feb 21, 1974
Williams, as ever, is annoyed that the men do not act like 'real' soldiers but the colonel explains that, as a holding unit, they are not obliged to wear identical uniforms. Williams tricks Solly into providing the company with uniforms on the pretext that he wants them to do a military song number. However, a general suddenly turns up to inspect the company. They arrive at the parade ground in their uniforms but are rubbish at presenting arms - until they are provided with music, including a song from Rangi. The general is impressed by their rhythmic performance and Williams feels thwarted yet again.
Fri, Feb 6, 1976
Learning that soldiers with a university degree could get instant promotion to sergeant, Williams sees another means of breaking up the concert party. Gunner Graham has a degree and, if he is promoted and leaves the group, they will be minus their pianist and have to disband. Williams offers to take Graham for a drink, but the men slip Graham a 'Micky Finn' drug, so he will behave badly and not get promoted. Inevitably Williams drinks the glass with the Micky Finn in it and goes on the rampage but Graham uses the situation to get out of being promoted.
Fri, Oct 31, 1980
The men are amused to learn that Williams had an affair with a titled married woman. Ashwood is disgusted but he has further problems when a female welfare officer, Captain Tollemache, takes a shine to him, marooning them both in the jungle when their jeep 'accidentally' runs out of petrol. The men answer his distress call and take petrol out to him but Lofty spills some, Williams throws down a dog end and a fire is started. After the men put out the fire they find the two captains asleep in a tree.