It Ain't Half Hot Mum (1974–1981)
Windsor Davies: Battery Sergeant-Major 'Shut Up' Williams
Photos
Quotes
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[repeated line]
BSM Williams : Oh dear. How sad. Never mind.
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BSM Williams : Never before have I seen such a blatant display of poofery!
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[repeated line]
BSM Williams : SHUT UP!
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Char Wallah Muhammed : [singing] Land of hope and glory, mother of the free....
BSM Williams : [yells] Shut up!
[program ends]
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Bombardier 'Solly' Solomons : [the Sergeant-Major has been cursed by a fake holy man, so "Gloria" pretends to be a holy man and take the curse off] OK, Sergeant-Major, you just have to repeat what the holy man says.
Gunner Beaumont : Oh-waaaaaa!
BSM Williams : Oh-wa.
Gunner Beaumont : Ta-naaaaaaaaaaa!
BSM Williams : Ta-na.
Gunner Beaumont : Si-aaaaaam!
BSM Williams : Siam.
Bombardier 'Solly' Solomons : You have to repeat it.
BSM Williams : Oh-wa. Ta-na? Siam.
Bombardier 'Solly' Solomons : Go a little faster, Sergeant-Major.
BSM Williams : Oh-wa. Ta-na. Siam. Ohwa. Tana. Siam. Ohwa-tana-siam. Ohwatanasiam. Oh-what-an-ass-I-am.
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BSM Williams : I didn't send the Bearer Sir, I thought it was far too important to trust a native.
Colonel Reynolds : Who did you send?
BSM Williams : Gunner Sugden Sir.
Colonel Reynolds : That small one with the very high voice?
BSM Williams : That's right Sir, and the very low head!
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Gnr Graham : [they are ordered to fight and defy the Sun] But the Sun isn't an anatomical entity, it's an inanimate object. How can we possibly fight it, Sergeant-Major?
BSM Williams : [mocking] How can we possibly fight it, Sergeant-Major? Let me tell you, Gunner La-De-Dah Graham, the British Army can fight anything! Intimate or not!
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BSM Williams : Right lovely boys, let's have a look. Oehhhhh, very good. Very artistic. Wait a minute. Gunner Graham?
Gnr Graham : Sir.
BSM Williams : Come here.
Gnr Graham : Sergeant-major.
BSM Williams : University education.
Gnr Graham : Yes, yes that's quite right Sergeant-major.
BSM Williams : How do you spell artillery?
Gnr Graham : A-R-T-I-L-L-E-R-Y
BSM Williams : No no. You spell it A-R-T art, I-L-L ill, A-R-Y ary. It's not artillery, it's artillary, artillary! I've been in this regiment 22 years, and I oughta know.
Gnr Graham : Probably you haven't seen it very often Sergeant-major, it's usually only the initials AR.
BSM Williams : You trying to make out I don't know how to spell it?
Gnr Graham : No I...
BSM Williams : SHUT UP!
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BSM Williams : Gunner Sugden is next sir. I don't think he will be here very long.
BSM Williams : March! Left right, left right, left right, left right, move yourself move yourself, move yourself! Salut!
BSM Williams : Now, the colonel and the captain would ask you questions to see if you're suitable as a bombarbier. Is that clear?
Lofty : Yes Sergeant-Major.
Captain Ashwood : Now then sugden, you're on patrol with an officer and 10 man. You see 3 Japanese soldiers entering a thicket. When do you open fire?
Lofty : How thick is the thicket?
BSM Williams : The thickness of the thicket has nothing to do with it, answer the question!
Lofty : What are they going in the thicket for?
Colonel Reynolds : Good question. What are they going in the thicket for Ashwood?
Captain Ashwood : It doesn't say sir. I think they're just passing through.
Colonel Reynolds : I see, when do you open fire Sugden?
Lofty : Before they entering the thicket?
BSM Williams , Colonel Reynolds , Captain Ashwood : No.
Lofty : When they're in the thicket?
BSM Williams , Colonel Reynolds , Captain Ashwood : No.
Lofty : When they come out of the thicket?
BSM Williams , Colonel Reynolds , Captain Ashwood : No.
Lofty : I failed, haven't I?
BSM Williams , Colonel Reynolds , Captain Ashwood : Yes.
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[repeated line]
BSM Williams : Move yerselves, move yerselves!
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[repeated line]
BSM Williams : Mister la-de-da Gunner Graham.
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Rangi Ram : [the Sgt-Major has managed to annoy a fortune teller] Oh, Sergeant-Major, he is cursing you. He say all your teeth fall out.
BSM Williams : Oh, dear, how sad, too late.
