Love at First Bite (1979)

George Hamilton: Count Dracula

Photos 

Quotes 

• [first lines] 

  Count Dracula : Shh! Children of the night, shut up!

• Count Dracula : Did you have a nice day, my beauty?

  Cindy Sondheim : Well, Rene ran my ass off all day. I mean, he may be the best photographer in New York City, but he's still a bitch.

  Doctor Jeff Rosenberg : Now, now, darling. They have a right to their life.

  Cindy Sondheim : Yes, I know, Jeffrey. They love in their way, we love in ours, who's to say which is right, by the 21st century, homosexuality will probably be the normal lifestyle.

  Doctor Jeff Rosenberg : Excellent.

• Count Dracula : I'm going out to get a bite to drink.

• Cindy Sondheim : We can go to bed, maybe get in a little quickie.

  Count Dracula : No. With you, never a quickie. Always a longie.

• Count Dracula : I do not drink... wine. And I do not smoke... shit.

• [Rosenberg approaches Dracula in a restaurant] 

  Doctor Jeff Rosenberg : The second way to kill a vampire, Count; three silver bullets through the heart!

  Cindy Soundheim : Jeffrey!

  [Jeff shoots Dracula three times] 

  Count Dracula : No, Rosenberg, that is a werewolf

  Doctor Jeff Rosenberg : A werewolf? Really? Are you sure?

  [Guards start to take him away] 

  Doctor Jeff Rosenberg : [to the guards]  No harm done! The man's all right! This was for a werewolf! No problem! Calm down! Take it easy! I'm a doctor! I know where I'm going!

• Alexei Rugalov : You dirty bat! You bit my mother!

  Count Dracula : What is your name?

  Rugalov : Alexei. Rugalov.

  Count Dracula : No, Alexei. I bit your mother, *and* your grandmother.

• Count Dracula : [reading an American phrase book in his coffin on the plane]  "American Slang. Putting on the ritz: Getting dressed up. Flapper: A girl." "Hotsy-totsy." "Boop-boop-a-doo?" "Red-hot mama?" "23-skidoo?" What is this?

  [flips to inside front cover] 

  Count Dracula : Copyright 1926? Renfield, you bungling moron, this book is as out of date as... I am.

• Count Dracula : [calling on a blood bank]  We've come to make a withdrawal. We have a very sick man in the car. He needs blood, desperately.

  Bloodbank Guard : That's a hearse!

  Count Dracula : So maybe we're a bit late.

• Count Dracula : You were born in the wrong time, Cindy Sondheim. In the other age things were simpler, less complicated. Do you know how many women had nervous breakdowns in the fourteenth century?

  Cindy Sondheim : No.

  Count Dracula : Three.

• Dr. Jeffrey Rosenberg : [triumphantly]  Well, Count, what do you say to that?

  [Pulls out a Star of David] 

  Dr. Jeffrey Rosenberg : [Dracula hides his face, then realizes what it is and removes his hands] 

  Count Dracula : I would say, leave Cindy alone and find yourself a nice Jewish girl, Doctor!

  Dr. Jeffrey Rosenberg : Huh?

  [looks at star] 

  Dr. Jeffrey Rosenberg : Ah shit! It's the other one, isn't it?

• Renfield : I thought you were having fun.

  Count Dracula : Fun? How would you like to go around looking like a head waiter for 700 years?

• Count Dracula : Do you think of me as special?

  Cindy Sondheim : Yes, of course.

  Count Dracula : So how can you think of yourself as nothing, when I love you?

• Count Dracula : [after biting a wino]  What was that maniac drinking? Tastes like the Volga river at low tide!

• Commissare Woman : Either you spend the rest of your life in an efficiency apartment with seven dissidents and one toilet, or you gather your aristocratic shit together and split!

  [storms out] 

  Count Dracula : Renfield.

  Renfield : Yes, master.

  Count Dracula : What is an efficiency apartment?

  Renfield : I don't know, master. What's a toilet?

• Count Dracula : Without me, Transylvania will be as exciting as Bucharest... on a Monday night.

• Renfield : I think they're from the government.

  Count Dracula : How do you know?

  Renfield : They're wearing shoes.

• Cindy Sondheim : I told you, I have a man in here...

  Count Dracula : [forces his way in]  *Now* you do.

• Count Dracula : We're going to make a hoist.

  Renfield : Heist!

  Count Dracula : [frustrated]  Heist! Heist, heist.

• Commissare Woman : You and your cockroach-eating friend over there... have 48 hours to get out! Good evening, Comrade Count.

  Count Dracula : Wait one minute! This is my home. My people cleared the land. We tortured innocent peasants for it. We even murdered for it. By Romanian law, that makes it ours.

• [Renfield opens a refrigerator at the blood bank that's stocked with units of blood] 

  Renfield : Master! We hit the jackpot!

  Count Dracula : Only in America! Plastic disposable bodies! It's like a supermarket!

• Cindy Sondheim : Can I get you anything?

  Count Dracula : [looking around at the mess in Cindy's apartment]  A broom, perhaps?

  Cindy Sondheim : Eh? Oh, I hate housework. It killed my mother.

• Count Dracula : I heard a rooster crow.

  Cindy Sondheim : A rooster? In New York *City*?

• Renfield : Master, please be careful!

  Count Dracula : What is it?

  Renfield : You nearly stepped on my dinner!

  [a black beetle] 

  Count Dracula : Forgive me. Bon appetit!

• Count Dracula : The wolf is a very misunderstood creature. He never kills for sport, only what is needed. And he always protects the young... and the old.

• [a viewing in a funeral home] 

  Reverend Mike : I knew Brother Alvin... and he was a swinger!

  Mourners : Yes! Praise the Lord! Praise the Lord! Alleluia! , etc.

  Reverend Mike : He loved his booze, hahahaha. He loved his women.

  Mourners : Yeah! He loved my wife, too! Yes, he did! Sure did! , etc

  Reverend Mike : But must of all, he loved his Cadillac Saville, and it's a beaute. I know it's a beaute, because he left it to *me*, Hallelujah!

  Mourners : Praise the Lord! Praise the Lord! , etc

  Reverend Mike : I showed him how God wanted him to have a swell time while he was alive. Because, brothers and sisters, when you is gone, you is gone. And ain't no way, no how, nobody's going to bring you back here, once you is dead!

  [the coffin's lid rises, and Dracula sits up inside] 

  Count Dracula : Good evening...

  [the mourners scream in panic, and run out of the funeral home, knocking over the chairs] 

  Count Dracula : [to Reverend Mike]  I am Count Dracula. I would like a large suite with a bath. I have a reservation.

  [Reverend Mike screams and jumps through the stained glass window] 

  Count Dracula : This is not the lobby of the Plaza Hotel?

• [last lines] 

  Cindy Sondheim : Oh, this isn't so hard. I think I'm going to love imortality.

  Count Dracula : There is one small disadvantage. We can only live by night.

  Cindy Sondheim : Oh, that's all right with me. I mean, I could never really get my shit together till 7:00, anyway.

• [Renfield and the Count drive up to a blood bank in a hearse] 

  Count Dracula : You did real well, Renfield.

  Renfield : Thank you, Master.

  Count Dracula : A combination getaway car and mobile home!

• Renfield : [emptying the blood bank's refrigerator of all its blood bags]  Master, it will be wonderful at the reception when you marry Miss Cindy!

  [sings] 

  Renfield : Oooh, how they danced, on the night, that they bled...

  Count Dracula : [holding up a test tube full of blood]  I propose a toast. Here's blood in your eye!