The Gossip Columnist (1980 TV Movie)

Dick Sargent: Alan Keyes

Quotes 

• Alan Keyes : [exasperated with Dina's investigative journalism]  Oh, stick with sex, Dina. It's what people are really interested in.

• Dina Moran : But I don't know the first thing about writing a gossip column!

  Alan Keyes : Start with who's sleeping with who.

  Dina Moran : Whom.

  Alan Keyes : Forget the grammar; just get the beds right.

• Dina Moran : I thought I was brought out here to cover the political scene in California.

  Alan Keyes : Politicians, actors--same thing.

• Alan Keyes : [on the phone with comic strip creator Chester]  I am killing the script until you realize you cannot have Mildred Monahan quit the hospital to become a faith healer.

  [buzzes of protest are heaerd from the phone] 

  Alan Keyes : I don't care how many times you've been reborn, Chester! The name of the strip is Mildred Monaha, Registered Nurse, so you either get her duffback in that hospital or you find another way of making thirty grand a year!

  [slams down the phone and looks to Dina] 

  Alan Keyes : Fourteen surgeons standing around picking their noses,and she cures this guy by slapping him on the forehead. Sometimes I feel like the social director in a loony bin!