[
Trying to catch a wild chicken]
Avram:
Come here little chicken. I don't want to hurt you. I just want to eat you.
[
the chicken flies away]
Avram:
I don't want to hurt you! I just want to make you kosher!
[
Avram teaches some Indians how Jews dance]
Avram:
Watch that lady. I think she's a Jewish Indian.
Avram:
[
voiceover] It says in the Torah to find thyself a teacher. This I have done. There were times, however, when I feared my teacher would find another student.
[
Tommy and Avram are being chased by a posse, but Avram won't ride on the sabbath]
Tommy:
You give me the pee-doodles!
[
to Tommy]
Chief Gray Cloud:
You, you have a big heart. Not so big as your mouth, but...
Avram:
I'm from Poland.
Tommy:
Is that near Pittsburgh?
Avram:
No, that's near Czechoslovakia.
[
Matt Diggs considers reaching for his gun]
Tommy:
Reach for it! PLEASE!
Tommy:
What do you call this part of the horse?
Avram:
The tuches!
Tommy:
Well, you just keep your eyes on this took-iss, and don't take them off 'till we get to San Francisco!
Avram:
...In that case, would you like to fight for that last fish?
Tommy:
You think you got a chance?
Avram:
I think I can say with complete confidence... None, whatsoever; But I'm still hungry.
Tommy:
Help yourself.
Chief Gray Cloud:
[
in reference to Avram's god] What does he do?
Avram:
He... He can do anything!
Chief Gray Cloud:
Then why can't he make rain?
Avram:
Because he doesn't make rain. He gives us strength when we're suffering. He gives us compassion when all that we feel is hatred. He gives us courage when we're searching around blindly like little mice in the darkness... but He does not make rain!
[
Thunder and lightning begin, followed by a downpour]
Avram:
Of course... sometimes, just like that, he'll change His mind.
Avram:
[
Avram and Tommy are cuddled together under a blanket during the blizzard] We are doing this to keep warm, aren't we?
Tommy:
Uh-huh.
Avram:
In that case, you can put your arms around me.
Tommy:
Come here, darling.
Avram:
Would somebody please show this poor asshole the way out of town.
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