The Lost Boys (1978)

Ian Holm: J.M. Barrie

Quotes 

• J.M. Barrie : Every time a boy says, "I don't believe in fairies," there's a fairy somewhere in the world that falls down dead.

  George : He's right, you know.

  Jack : Then I must have killed tons of them.

• J.M. Barrie : They're Pan pipes... They might have even been left here by the Great God Pan himself.

  Jack : Wait a minute, those aren't Pan's pipes. Look, they're Peter's. They're the ones Peter got in his stocking at Christmas.

  J.M. Barrie : Peter Pan's, then.

  George : Who's Peter Pan?

  J.M. Barrie : Why, everyone knows who Peter Pan is.

  George : I don't. I think you've just made him up.

  Jack : And I think you stole those pipes from our nursery!

  J.M. Barrie : Aboslute poppycock!

  Jack : How'd they get here, then?

  J.M. Barrie : Well, I... I expect... uh... I daresay Peter left them behind when he flew back.

  Jack , George : Flew?

  J.M. Barrie : Oh, ye of little faith! Why do you think your mother, why do you think your loving parents put bars on the nursery windows? It's to keep you from flying away.

• J.M. Barrie : David was Mother's favorite son, but he was killed in an accident when he was twelve.

• George : Do you like me very much?

  J.M. Barrie : So-so.

  George : Don't you love me?

  J.M. Barrie : I can take you or leave you.

  George : Then why do you write stories about me?

  J.M. Barrie : Because... because writing about a boy is the next best thing to being one.

• J.M. Barrie : Is this really Michael?

  Michael : Of course I'm Michael. Did you escape, too?

  J.M. Barrie : Escape?

  Michael : When we were being chased by that man.

  Sylvia Llewelyn Davies : Michael's dreams are as wayward as your own.

  J.M. Barrie : Oh, yes, you mean that man that looked like this.

• J.M. Barrie : Boys, I don't want to make a speech, but I just want you to know that if the play's a failure, well, it's entirely your fault.

  George : Why us?

  J.M. Barrie : Because you're the real authors. It had nothing to do with me. All I did was rub the five of you together to make a flame. That's all Peter Pan is. Just the spark I got from you.

  George : I had nothing to do with Wendy!

  J.M. Barrie : No, she's a spark from an entirely different quarter, for which I offer my humble apologies.

  Mary Barrie : He'll go on for hours if we give him the chance. Come on, Jim, the executioner awaits!

• Charles Frohman : We opened "Napoleon and Josephine" in Omaha on a Monday and called it a tragedy. On Tuesday, we called it a comedy. On Wednesday, we called it off. Moral of the story is there's no such thing as bad towns, only bad plays. Isn't that right, Jimmy?

  J.M. Barrie : First rule of the American theater: The audience is never wrong. Do you remember when you put on "Romeo and Juliet" in the Bronx, and when it was all over, the audience cried out for the author? Not wishing to disappoint so discerning an audience, Charles modestly stepped forward and took the bows.

  Mary Barrie : Oh, Charles, you didn't!

  Charles Frohman : Whereupon they showered me... with rotten matzoh-balls!

• Mary Barrie : There is one small thing you could do for me, if you really want to give me a present.

  J.M. Barrie : Yes?

  Mary Barrie : The way you kissed me just now, the way you always kiss me, I'd be so grateful if you never did it again.

• Mary Barrie : What is this all about, anyway? I didn't even think you were interested in censoring plays.

  J.M. Barrie : The committee is for the abolition of censorship.

  Mary Barrie : Well, there you have it. Mr. Canaan must have thought I was a complete idiot. Isn't there anything I could do?

  J.M. Barrie : Yes, pass me the ink, would you?

  Mary Barrie : You're the richest writer in the country, and you have to smear your sleeves with ink. I meant, isn't there anything I could do to help you with the committee work?

  J.M. Barrie : You could try and read this handwriting if you like. It's even worse than mine.

  Mary Barrie : Would you like me to type-write them?

  J.M. Barrie : You don't know how to type-write.

  Mary Barrie : I could learn. The machine I gave you, you never use it.

  J.M. Barrie : [shrugging]  If it amuses you. I'll be staying with Arthur tonight, so don't bother to wait up for me.

  Mary Barrie : Oh, can I really?

  J.M. Barrie : Really what?

  Mary Barrie : Type-write these papers.

  J.M. Barrie : I just said you could, although I can't think why you would want to.

  Mary Barrie : To be of use to you.

• Sylvia Llewelyn Davies : Jimmy, the operations were one thing, but if you start paying for the boys to go to school, well, I don't think Arthur could bear that.

  J.M. Barrie : Do you know how much money Peter Pan has made me since it first opened?

  Sylvia Llewelyn Davies : What has that got to do with it?

  J.M. Barrie : Just over half a million pounds, not including America. Where would Peter Pan be if it weren't for George? Don't you think he deserves his share of the spoils?

  Sylvia Llewelyn Davies : But what about the others? We can't just send George to Eton. It wouldn't be fair on the others.

  J.M. Barrie : Don't worry. I'll get my money's worth out of them yet.

  Michael : Dark and sinister man, have at thee!

• J.M. Barrie : Do you have a good memory?

  George : No. I mean, yes.

• J.M. Barrie : I thought we'd agreed no interviews.

  Mary Barrie : It wasn't an interview. He just asked me a few questions, that's all. Oh, Jim, a few harmless questions. Why make such a fuss?

  J.M. Barrie : I do not wish to have our private lives paraded in public.

  Mary Barrie : You're a fine one to talk! What do you spend your entire life doing?

  J.M. Barrie : I've never given an interview in my life!

  Mary Barrie : That's because there's nothing left to interview. You spread us like jam on every page you write.

  J.M. Barrie : That's my affair.

• George : Your dog isn't going to bite me, is he?

  J.M. Barrie : Not unless you ask him agreeably.

  George : Why not?

  J.M. Barrie : He's uncommonly fussy about who he bites. He doesn't bite just any old whippersnapper.

  George : Am I a whippersnapper?

  J.M. Barrie : [reading]  "Whippersnapper. Small boy. Young and insignificant person. Small and intrusive child. Origin unknown." Couldn't have written it better myself. There, small boy, does that answer your question?

  George : No, small man, it does not.

• Mary Hodgson : George!

  George : Coming!

  Mary Hodgson : You'll be locked in for the night if you don't come this instant!

  J.M. Barrie : Go on, then. I'll tell you some other time. Run along! If they catch you in here after lock-out time, there's no telling what they'll do to you.

  George : They?

  Mary Hodgson : George! I am not going to call you again!

  George : Coming! Aren't you coming, too?

  J.M. Barrie : No, I've some matters to attend to.

  George : But it's lock-out time.

  J.M. Barrie : Just so. Goodnight to you.

  J.M. Barrie : [writing]  A story about a boy who disappears...

• J.M. Barrie : All babies are birds, if they did but know it.

  Sylvia Llewelyn Davies : You seem to know a lot about it.

  J.M. Barrie : You could say I'm something of an authority.

  Sylvia Llewelyn Davies : Oh, do you have any children?

  J.M. Barrie : One or two. No, I exaggerate. Just one.

  Sylvia Llewelyn Davies : A boy?

  J.M. Barrie : A dog.

  Sylvia Llewelyn Davies : I see. And that makes you an authority?

  J.M. Barrie : Boys and dogs have a lot in common, only dogs have a better sense of humor.

• Mary Barrie : And who were you flirting with?

  J.M. Barrie : Oh, just a friend of a friend.

  Mary Barrie : What friend?

  J.M. Barrie : You don't know him.

  Mary Barrie : Her husband?

  J.M. Barrie : No.

  Mary Barrie : Is she married?

  J.M. Barrie : Respectably.

  Mary Barrie : Well, who is she?

  J.M. Barrie : If you must know, Sylvia Llewelyn Davies, the daughter of one George du Maurier, sister of one Gerald du Maurier.

  Mary Barrie : But we don't know the du Mauriers.

  J.M. Barrie : I didn't say we did.

  Mary Barrie : You said she was a friend of a friend.

  J.M. Barrie : I was referring to her son.

• J.M. Barrie : I'll make you a sporting offer. I'll give you a shilling now, and there's the the end of it, or I'll pay you a halfpenny for every night of the play I use it in.

  Jack : Mother, what do you think?

  Sylvia Llewelyn Davies : Well, dearest, it all depends on whether or not you think Mr. Barrie's play is going to be a success.

  [George whispers something in Jack's ear] 

  Jack : In that case, I'll take the money.

• George : Mother says you smoke far too much, and one day you'll cough yourself in a hundred pieces.

  J.M. Barrie : Aye, but it won't be the cough that carries me off, but the coffin they carry me off in.

• Sylvia Llewelyn Davies : Why are you so fond of George?

  J.M. Barrie : Aren't you?

  Sylvia Llewelyn Davies : Of course, but I'm his mother.

• J.M. Barrie : [writing a letter to George]  P.S. Dear George, I am very fond of you, but don't tell anybody.

• J.M. Barrie : Peter Pan... the boy who couldn't grow up.

  Charles Frohman : Couldn't or wouldn't?

  J.M. Barrie : Well, don't ask me. I'm only the author.

  Charles Frohman : But isn't it right that Peter doesn't want to grow up, not that he can't? That's what so appealing about him.

  J.M. Barrie : All right, the boy who wouldn't grow up.

• Michael : Nothing much makes me cry anymore. I used to, lots, but not anymore.

  J.M. Barrie : I bet I can make you cry.

  Michael : I bet you can't.

  J.M. Barrie : Ten francs?

  Michael : Done. Am I for a story?

  J.M. Barrie : No, just a thought.

  Michael : About me?

  J.M. Barrie : About your father.

  Michael : You can't make me cry about him. I thought I would, but I didn't at all, except for a little bit. But Mother still cries, doesn't she? Do you love her?

  J.M. Barrie : Of course I love her.

  Michael : More than Mrs. Barrie?

  J.M. Barrie : You shouldn't ask questions like that.

• J.M. Barrie : Why didn't you go out sledding with the others?

  Michael : To be with you. Till death do us part.

  J.M. Barrie : Then hold out your wedding finger.

  Michael : What for?

  J.M. Barrie : So I can blow a smoke ring on it.

  Michael : But we're both boys.

  J.M. Barrie : You speak for yourself.

  Michael : You're a boy too.

  J.M. Barrie : I am what's commonly known as a grown-up.

  Michael : You're not common, and you're definitely not grown-up. You're old, but you're not grown-up. You're... you're one of us.

  J.M. Barrie : How did you know that?

  Michael : If you were grown-up, you wouldn't waste all your time with me.

  J.M. Barrie : You presume to know me very well.

  Michael : Inside out. Without a doubt. That's how I see the mystery of JMB.

• J.M. Barrie : Was there something else, Hunt?

  Hunt : Uh, yes, sir. As a matter of fact, uh, the wife and me have been doing a bit of talking, and, well, there's one or two things she thinks you ought to know about, sir.

  J.M. Barrie : What sort of things?

  Hunt : Well, forgive me, sir, but may I speak frankly?

  J.M. Barrie : I'd be obliged if you would.

  Hunt : Well, sir, it's about Mrs. Barrie and Mr. Canaan. You see, they've been down here together.

  J.M. Barrie : Yes, I'm aware of that. Mr. Canaan has my permission to come down here and work whenever he likes.

  Hunt : Yes, I know that, sir. But what I'm trying to say is that Mr. Canaan... Mrs. Barrie has been... well... taking liberties with her marriage vows, sir, if you get my meaning.

  J.M. Barrie : Are you trying to tell me that Mrs. Barrie and Mr. Canaan have been having an affair together?

  Hunt : [relieved]  Thank you very much, sir, that's exactly what I've been trying to tell you! My wife has known about it for months, and I knew she had something on her mind, and the other evening I asked her what it was, and she said it was that Mrs. Barrie had been carrying on with Mr. Canaan! Then she said that one morning she had gone into Mrs. Barrie's bedroom and found...

  J.M. Barrie : Hunt, there's no need to say anymore.

• J.M. Barrie : Give up Canaan.

  Mary Barrie : What?

  J.M. Barrie : Give up Canaan

  Mary Barrie : But Jim, I thought we'd agreed...

  J.M. Barrie : We agreed nothing! Please, Mary, I can't stand the loneliness without you!

  Mary Barrie : You won't be lonely. You have plenty of friends. You have Sylvia.

  J.M. Barrie : What has she got to do with this?

  Mary Barrie : Sylvia has always meant far more to you than I have. And once you and I are divorced, I don't see why you and she can't...

  J.M. Barrie : [shocked]  Sylvia is a married woman!

  Mary Barrie : Oh, Arthur's been dead for almost three years!

  J.M. Barrie : That makes no difference whatsoever! Sylvia is devoted to Arthur! Why, I would no more think of coming between Sylvia and Arthur than I would Canaan coming between us!

• Mary Barrie : I don't want forgiveness. I want to marry Gilbert Canaan. I want nothing else than a divorce.

  J.M. Barrie : I will not allow it! Run away with him, be his mistress, do whatever you like! But I will not grant a divorce!

  Mary Barrie : I will not be his mistress. I will be his wife. There is nothing you can do to stop me.

  J.M. Barrie : Please, Mary, please...

  Mary Barrie : I'm sorry, Jim, but if you won't grant me a divorce, then I shall apply for an annulment.

  J.M. Barrie : An annulment?

  Mary Barrie : I will say that our marriage has never been consummated.

• J.M. Barrie : I gave Mr. Frohman some of those old photographs I took of you dressed as Peter Pan, so it should bear a resemblance to the Devil in you.

  Michael : Is the Devil in me?

  J.M. Barrie : Especially when you smile.

• Michael : You shouldn't smoke so much, it's addictive.

  J.M. Barrie : So are you.

  Michael : But not for always. One day, quite soon, I daresay, I'll grow up, and then I'll be just like everyone else, and you'll get bored of me and find some other boy to love.

  J.M. Barrie : Did I get bored of George?

  Michael : You found me. Perhaps if I got bored of you first, that would be amusing, wouldn't it? Did Mrs. Barrie get bored of you?

  J.M. Barrie : I told you, I don't want to talk about her.