George Kuchar: Bing

Quotes 

• Bing : It's not the quadrupeds that are dangerous, it's that gargantuan biped.

  Bond : What the hell is a biped?

  Chandler : You're a biped, dummy.

  Bond : Now look, Chandler, I don't mind you calling me a dummy, but don't be calling me any dirty Italian names!

• Toydy : You mean that lion's harmless?

  Bing : As harmless as a toothless old lady.

  Mrs. Gert Hammond : Well, I don't know if I agree with that saying, young man. Mrs. Connor has no teeth, yet she blasted her husband with six rounds of buckshot last spring.

• Bing : After I've given myself to the gorilla again, I expect great psychological transformations to occur in the skull of that primate. You'll see!

• Bing : She doesn't like other gorillas, they're too hairy. Medusa likes the naked, virile flesh of young men.

  Roo : And how, pray tell, did she get a taste for that?

  Bing : That's unimportant now!

  Toydy : Wait a second. Wait just one minute! You said she got you hard one night! What the hell did you mean by that?

  Bing : Look, I don't like being grilled by the cops or anyone else!

  Mrs. Gert Hammond : Speaking of grilled, I'd better check on those pork chops. Excuse me, please.

• Toydy : Look Mister, we're no angels and we have weird tastes, too.

  Bing : What's so weird about pork chops?

  Toydy : I wasn't talking about pork chops! I was talking about you and that big, black, red-eyed female out there.

  Sash : Toydy, that female is a gorilla.

  Roo : Shut up, Sash, and let him finish. He's got something there.

  Sash : Well, you ought to know, being that you had it in your hand a couple hours ago.

• Bing : What the heck is going on here? Is this some sort of communal therapy group, is that what this is?

  Chandler : Well, I'd have to be speaking only for myself if I said that it was.

  Bing : Well, whose turn is it now? Who's gonna pull their skeleton out of their closet and pull them out of the mothballs?

• Chandler : Well, I guess it's your turn, Bing.

  Bing : My turn to what?

  Chandler : Bare your soul.

  Roo : Oh, phooey! Couldn't he bare something a little more... external?

  Toydy : I'll drink to that!

• Bing : I shouldn't be toting around mammals on a night like this. Why the hell didn't that crummy circus give me the amphibian cage?

• [a lion roars] 

  Bing : Pipe down, Samson! You might be king of the jungle in Africa, but in this circus you're nothing but a bozo. Every time I see that trainer putting the hula hoops on you and see those kids screaming with the Cracker Jacks flying out of their mouths and the cotton candy sticking to their chins, it makes me sick! Sick, Samson! Yeah, sick. I wanna puke on 'em! God knows, it wouldn't make any difference, what with the mustard and ice cream dripping down their fat little necks. God, you can't even tell between the freckles and the mashed popcorn.

  [a gorilla snarls] 

  Bing : No, Medusa. I wasn't talking about you. Gorillas are different from little children. They have more hair.

• [Chandler hands Bing a drink] 

  Chandler : Here you are, my friend. You're gonna need this.

  Bing : To what, bare my soul?

  Roo : Consider it a form of psychological enema.

  Toydy : Shhh! Don't say that word! Old Gert'll come runnin' in with a rubber garden hose!

• Bing : The lion's named Samson. He had the strength of ten men until, like the biblical hero, they clipped his toenails.

  Chandler : And his teeth. You said they took out his teeth.

  Sash : That's a terrible thing to do!

  Roo : Sometimes men wish mine were gone, but that's another story. A dirty one.