I just went on Google Video to watch this, one of a double feature presented on Torgo's Drive-In (the other feature being I Drink Your Blood which I have yet to see). At 56 minutes, I found this Andy Milligan-directed horror movie fascinating with the constant pounding score and Dragnet-like stilted dialogue abounding throughout. Having said that, I actually found the story pretty entertaining and I found myself partially caring for the sympathetic characters. Many of the gore scenes, while very amateurish, were also fun to watch in a can-you-believe-their-doing-this way. And having a hunchback that sometimes speaks clearly was also a hoot! So on that note, I'm recommending Guru, the Mad Monk to bad movie buffs everywhere. P.S. On Torgo's Drive-In, this movie was preceded by some ads for the concession stand and previews of Carnival of Blood, The Thing with Two Heads, and Teenage Mother. Oh, and the print I saw had the synchronization off by several seconds.
24 Reviews
Misses Every Opportunity
boblipton31 October 2020
Neil Flanagan is a good son of the Church on an island where there are a few aristocrats, a prison, him and his church and his hunchback assistant who is, of course, named Igor. To make money to decorate his church an his vestments for the glory of G*d, he does a few favors for the locals, including grave-robbing, draining blood, and other light work.
Were anyone with anything approaching a sense of humor involved in this production, it would have made a heckuva burlesque of the sort of movie that Karloff and Lugosi starred in as the Universal horror franchise wound down into in the late 1930s. It also could have made a savage satire of the politics of the Catholic Church or any organized religion. However, while that thought might have occurred to someone involved in the shoot, there is no sign on the screen that he or she had this impulse. Neither is there any effort to show the disgusting things that this implies.
Not that I'm complaining about that. Just about wasting almost an hour of time.
Were anyone with anything approaching a sense of humor involved in this production, it would have made a heckuva burlesque of the sort of movie that Karloff and Lugosi starred in as the Universal horror franchise wound down into in the late 1930s. It also could have made a savage satire of the politics of the Catholic Church or any organized religion. However, while that thought might have occurred to someone involved in the shoot, there is no sign on the screen that he or she had this impulse. Neither is there any effort to show the disgusting things that this implies.
Not that I'm complaining about that. Just about wasting almost an hour of time.
Oh Andy Milligan
BandSAboutMovies7 December 2019
Warning: Spoilers
The Church of Mortavia needs cash, so Father Guru does what he can, which means getting dead bodies for medical students to experiment on. This may mean stabbing churchgoers in the eyeball or working with vampires and hunchbacks. And while this is all supposedly set in the Middle Ages, it was really shot in New York City's St. Peter's Church, which means that you just may hear the sounds of modern traffic.
Shot for $11,000, this is yet another Milligan film where the director Milligan wrote, directed, built sets and sewed costumes for a film made up of mainly off-off Broadway actors and Staten Island locals. How else would you populate a prison colony of Catholic sinners who were all waiting to be served sentences that are all being wiped out by an insane priest?
This was made as part of a double bill with another of Milligan's movies, The Body Beneath. It's around 55 minutes long and has some gore, but in no way does it have as inventive of a title as Milligan's best-named film, The Rats are Coming! The Werewolves are Here!
Milligan is a fascinating character study, probably moreso than his films to be perfectly honest. He was considered one of the worst directors of all time until his movie Fleshpot on 42nd Street was rediscovered by Something Weird Video and his theatrical efforts were unearthed. In some strange universe, his work as a queer filmmaker found a better audience than maniacs like me who watched his movies like The Ghastly Ones.
Shot for $11,000, this is yet another Milligan film where the director Milligan wrote, directed, built sets and sewed costumes for a film made up of mainly off-off Broadway actors and Staten Island locals. How else would you populate a prison colony of Catholic sinners who were all waiting to be served sentences that are all being wiped out by an insane priest?
This was made as part of a double bill with another of Milligan's movies, The Body Beneath. It's around 55 minutes long and has some gore, but in no way does it have as inventive of a title as Milligan's best-named film, The Rats are Coming! The Werewolves are Here!
Milligan is a fascinating character study, probably moreso than his films to be perfectly honest. He was considered one of the worst directors of all time until his movie Fleshpot on 42nd Street was rediscovered by Something Weird Video and his theatrical efforts were unearthed. In some strange universe, his work as a queer filmmaker found a better audience than maniacs like me who watched his movies like The Ghastly Ones.
Ladies and gentlemen, the NEW King Of Bad Cinema!!!
emm15 November 1998
Thank God I had the chance to see this thing! Did you understand how I felt watching CARNIVAL OF BLOOD? Well, you ain't seen nothing yet! If you're one of the few lucky ones to read this message, prepare yourself to witness the greatest cinematic catastrophe mankind will ever encounter since Neil Armstrong landed on the moon! Before you start blabbing to your friends and loved ones that PLAN 9 FROM OUTER SPACE is the worst movie ever made, tell them GURU THE MAD MONK is the most horrifying movie that ever existed! And I'm not talking about the things that go bump in the night! No, I'm talking about how experienced film producers with a college education would make such a BAD piece of cinematic trash for the whole world to see! At 57 minutes, Andy Milligan and friends created a rush job in getting this movie released to the local drive-ins in hopes of earning quick revenues. A bunch of poorly trained actors and a ludicrously atrocious script explains why. Things don't get any worse in Badmovieland!
Get a barf bag, NOW!!! You'll be glad you did!
Some of the highlights in GURU THE MAD MONK are light years beyond deliriousness. You won't believe the possibilities of the human senses! They include:
***A bishop standing on Guru's cape and ripping it! You can actually hear the sound of it!
***Olga, who stutters in her sentences and can't make up her mind on what to say!
***A villager who gets executed in a small pair of corduroys!
***The opening movie title made up of magnetic toy lettering!
And much, much, MUCH more!
Watch GURU THE MAD MONK all the way through for the first time without stopping and I'll guarantee you've survived a one-way ticket to Drive-In Hell with minor first-degree burns! I strongly recommend this one for viewers with bad taste and who are die-hard collectors of obscure cinema.
Lord have mercy!!!!
Get a barf bag, NOW!!! You'll be glad you did!
Some of the highlights in GURU THE MAD MONK are light years beyond deliriousness. You won't believe the possibilities of the human senses! They include:
***A bishop standing on Guru's cape and ripping it! You can actually hear the sound of it!
***Olga, who stutters in her sentences and can't make up her mind on what to say!
***A villager who gets executed in a small pair of corduroys!
***The opening movie title made up of magnetic toy lettering!
And much, much, MUCH more!
Watch GURU THE MAD MONK all the way through for the first time without stopping and I'll guarantee you've survived a one-way ticket to Drive-In Hell with minor first-degree burns! I strongly recommend this one for viewers with bad taste and who are die-hard collectors of obscure cinema.
Lord have mercy!!!!
Piece of trash
Leofwine_draca6 July 2014
GURU, THE MAD MONK is a no-budget Z-grade horror flick from schlock maestro Andy Milligan. Everything about this film is awful, particularly the production values: there's never a sense of this being a real movie, just a couple of actors inside an old church playing dress-up.
If Milligan's direction is dull and amateurish, his writing is even worse. The "film" charts the misadventures of the titular monk, played by the extraordinarily wooden Neil Flanagan. Guru's crimes include betraying those he's close to and torturing innocent people in a series of shoddy gore sequences that'll have you laughing instead of wincing thanks to their ineptness.
The acting is terrible across the board, the dialogue is stilted beyond belief, and no effort has been made to bring any part of the screenplay to life. Attempts to depict a medieval tableau are ruined by the all-too-obvious mistakes and screw-ups, like characters using a modern pair of scissors and a heroine wearing fake eyelashes - who knew they were invented hundreds of years back?! In my favourite "bad" scene, two characters converse with a motorbike sitting behind them. How did Milligan not notice? My feelings are that he did, and he just didn't care - a real filmmaker he isn't.
If Milligan's direction is dull and amateurish, his writing is even worse. The "film" charts the misadventures of the titular monk, played by the extraordinarily wooden Neil Flanagan. Guru's crimes include betraying those he's close to and torturing innocent people in a series of shoddy gore sequences that'll have you laughing instead of wincing thanks to their ineptness.
The acting is terrible across the board, the dialogue is stilted beyond belief, and no effort has been made to bring any part of the screenplay to life. Attempts to depict a medieval tableau are ruined by the all-too-obvious mistakes and screw-ups, like characters using a modern pair of scissors and a heroine wearing fake eyelashes - who knew they were invented hundreds of years back?! In my favourite "bad" scene, two characters converse with a motorbike sitting behind them. How did Milligan not notice? My feelings are that he did, and he just didn't care - a real filmmaker he isn't.
Vampires and hunchbacks and monks, oh boy!
soulexpress29 August 2017
Warning: Spoilers
Andy Milligan was a Staten Island-based DIY filmmaker whose product was uniformly Z-grade. His was always the last film shown on a triple bill at one of the seedy grindhouses that once dotted the American landscape. "Guru, the Mad Monk" is typical Milligan fare. Clocking in at barely an hour, it has the slapped-together look of a group of friends attempting cosplay and deciding to film it.
It's 1480 and the oddly-named Father Guru (Neil Flanigan), a Catholic monk with two distinct personalities (one gentle, the other violent), oversees the Lost Souls Church on the remote island of Mortavia. This is where the rest of Europe sends its prisoners for execution or punishment--poked-out eyes or severed hands and feet (courtesy of department-store mannequins).
Assisting Father Guru is Igor, a surprisingly articulate one-eyed hunchback, and Mother Olga (Jaqueline Webb), the head nun, who also happens to be a vampire. When Olga's not tripping over her lines without asking for retakes, she bares fangs from a Staten Island novelty store.
The excrement hits the fan when when young Carl (Paul Lieber), who is in charge of the prisoners, decides to leave Father Guru's employ with his lovely fiancée, Najda (Judith Israel). This sets into motion a series of increasingly violent events that climaxes with Father Guru dead, swinging by his neck from the rope of a church bell.
Other noteworthy items:
It's 1480 and the oddly-named Father Guru (Neil Flanigan), a Catholic monk with two distinct personalities (one gentle, the other violent), oversees the Lost Souls Church on the remote island of Mortavia. This is where the rest of Europe sends its prisoners for execution or punishment--poked-out eyes or severed hands and feet (courtesy of department-store mannequins).
Assisting Father Guru is Igor, a surprisingly articulate one-eyed hunchback, and Mother Olga (Jaqueline Webb), the head nun, who also happens to be a vampire. When Olga's not tripping over her lines without asking for retakes, she bares fangs from a Staten Island novelty store.
The excrement hits the fan when when young Carl (Paul Lieber), who is in charge of the prisoners, decides to leave Father Guru's employ with his lovely fiancée, Najda (Judith Israel). This sets into motion a series of increasingly violent events that climaxes with Father Guru dead, swinging by his neck from the rope of a church bell.
Other noteworthy items:
- During the opening credit sequence, the film's title is spelled out with alphabet refrigerator magnets.
- One of the prisoners is clearly dressed in 20th-century corduroy pants.
- Father Guru's tool kit includes a pair of 20th-century scissors, as well as a modern-day claw hammer.
- The actors repeatedly slip back into their native New York accents.
- In one scene, two characters converse while a motorcycle sits not ten feet away.
"I'm Not Going Anywhere, And Neither Are You!"...
azathothpwiggins22 June 2021
GURU, THE MAD MONK is another dismally delightful offering from Director Andy Milligan. The basic story is about Father Guru (Neil Flanagan), who needs cadavers for his experiments. Luckily, he knows someone at the local prison, where there are plenty of executions to keep him supplied with subjects.
All of the requisite, Milligan trademarks are here: Non-actors "acting" in a style akin to mannequins on wires; painful, unrehearsed, just-wing-it dialogue; petrified pacing; thrift store costumes; a nonsensical "plot"; and sub-home movie filming techniques. The torture / death scenes are particularly rib-tickling!
Guru himself is a living absurdity, with his garage sale wig and paper pope suit. His conversation with himself in the mirror is a marvel of idiot cinema! Thankfully, this movie isn't quite as brain-smashingly dull as most Milligan output. It profits greatly from its ineptitude, making it a laugh-out-loud classic!
Guru's hunchback sidekick, Igor, is the best imbecile since MANOS' Torgo. The way he bobbles along is almost musical! There's also the cranky old vampire woman, Olga, who runs around in some otherworldly headdress, apparently made from curtains and pot holders!
Nothing can possibly prepare you for the dunderheaded, bellringing finale!
Mr. Milligan, we salute you!...
All of the requisite, Milligan trademarks are here: Non-actors "acting" in a style akin to mannequins on wires; painful, unrehearsed, just-wing-it dialogue; petrified pacing; thrift store costumes; a nonsensical "plot"; and sub-home movie filming techniques. The torture / death scenes are particularly rib-tickling!
Guru himself is a living absurdity, with his garage sale wig and paper pope suit. His conversation with himself in the mirror is a marvel of idiot cinema! Thankfully, this movie isn't quite as brain-smashingly dull as most Milligan output. It profits greatly from its ineptitude, making it a laugh-out-loud classic!
Guru's hunchback sidekick, Igor, is the best imbecile since MANOS' Torgo. The way he bobbles along is almost musical! There's also the cranky old vampire woman, Olga, who runs around in some otherworldly headdress, apparently made from curtains and pot holders!
Nothing can possibly prepare you for the dunderheaded, bellringing finale!
Mr. Milligan, we salute you!...
It's simply terrible....and that's the NICEST thing I can say about "Guru"!
planktonrules1 April 2021
"Guru, the Mad Monk" is a cheap and terrible film. But it's not just cheap and terrible...it's REALLY cheap and terrible...like an Ed Wood picture...or possibly worse. So, don't say I didn't warn you!!
The story is about a monk from long ago whose only desire is to make money, power and get hot babes. He sells corpses to medical schools, has a vampire lady as a BFF and cheats and steals constantly. How long can his infamy continue until he gets his just desserts?
The acting is pathetic...high school pageant pathetic at best! The camera work, sets and overall production values aren't any better. It just looks amateurish in every way and is silly and amazingly dull considering the plot. Overall, a huge waste of time unless you are a bad movie buff and simply want to see it for laughs.
The story is about a monk from long ago whose only desire is to make money, power and get hot babes. He sells corpses to medical schools, has a vampire lady as a BFF and cheats and steals constantly. How long can his infamy continue until he gets his just desserts?
The acting is pathetic...high school pageant pathetic at best! The camera work, sets and overall production values aren't any better. It just looks amateurish in every way and is silly and amazingly dull considering the plot. Overall, a huge waste of time unless you are a bad movie buff and simply want to see it for laughs.
Mental Guru.
BA_Harrison3 June 2016
Father Guru (Neil Flanagan) works at the Lost Souls Church on the island of Mortavia, where prisoners are sent to be tortured or executed. As well as being mad (Guru has heated schizophrenic arguments with himself a la Gollum in The Lord of the Rings), the monk is also thoroughly bad, delighting in the pain and misery of others, selling the prisoners' corpses for medical experiments, and providing human blood to vampire witch Olga (Jaqueline Webb) for use in her potions.
When a young woman, Nadja (Judith Israel), is sent to the prison, having been wrongly been found guilty of murdering her infant, head jailer Carl (Paul Lieber), who is in love with the girl, makes a deal with Guru that sees him indebted to the monk for three months.
A title screen made from alphabet fridge magnets, numerous anachronistic goofs, performers fumbling their lines but carrying on regardless, woeful gore effects (severed hands and heads courtesy of shop mannequins): Guru, the Mad Monk is par for the course for an Andy Milligan production. Amateurish and inept on almost every level and incredibly boring to boot, it's a real challenge to sit through, even for seasoned fans of z-grade schlock. I rate Guru a pitiful 2/10, the film narrowly avoiding the lowest possible score for featuring a one-eyed hunchback named Igor (so cheesy, it's worth an extra point).
When a young woman, Nadja (Judith Israel), is sent to the prison, having been wrongly been found guilty of murdering her infant, head jailer Carl (Paul Lieber), who is in love with the girl, makes a deal with Guru that sees him indebted to the monk for three months.
A title screen made from alphabet fridge magnets, numerous anachronistic goofs, performers fumbling their lines but carrying on regardless, woeful gore effects (severed hands and heads courtesy of shop mannequins): Guru, the Mad Monk is par for the course for an Andy Milligan production. Amateurish and inept on almost every level and incredibly boring to boot, it's a real challenge to sit through, even for seasoned fans of z-grade schlock. I rate Guru a pitiful 2/10, the film narrowly avoiding the lowest possible score for featuring a one-eyed hunchback named Igor (so cheesy, it's worth an extra point).
Doily's and tafita and grandma's house dress makes a great example of Renaissance couirture.
mark.waltz5 October 2019
Warning: Spoilers
Smug, sneering acting from Neil Flanagan as a deranged monk who believes in torture as a part of atonement, a sort of "Christian" Marquis de Safe. There's the very modern looking sexpot Judith Israel and the sinister Jacqueline Webb who wears a community theater costume of the evil queen from "Once Upon a Mattress" and has vampre lesbian desires. A hunchback (named Igor no less) does every stereotypical hunchback behavior except ring the bells a la Quasimodo.
The sets look like they will fall apart with the flick of a pinkie. Even the monastery sign has a look like it was quickly printed out at Staples. With wigs from Woolworths and dialog that sounds like it just was rushed together each day before shooting, casting that simply just pulled the first stranger off of the street, and acting with obvious looks at cue cards, this is just the perfect example of how not to make a movie. At least the sound recording is decent, of maybe that's not such a good thing.
The sets look like they will fall apart with the flick of a pinkie. Even the monastery sign has a look like it was quickly printed out at Staples. With wigs from Woolworths and dialog that sounds like it just was rushed together each day before shooting, casting that simply just pulled the first stranger off of the street, and acting with obvious looks at cue cards, this is just the perfect example of how not to make a movie. At least the sound recording is decent, of maybe that's not such a good thing.
A good-bad or bad-bad film?
chazzarb14 June 2019
Having watched this film, I cannot decide if it is the sort of terrible film that can be enjoyed as a thing to laugh at or whether it so bad as to be infuriating. The acting is awful, the costumes are appalling (they look like the sort of thing worn in school plays), and the plot is a predictable as it is dreadful.
Elements of this film can definitely be enjoyed with friends to laugh at, but overall I think the film is too boring for it to compete with good-bad films. One of the most infuriating things about the film is that it appears to have been shot entirely in one small church - with it's name extremely crudely covered over with paper (not joking). I think you ca even see some parked cars in the background of some shots - despite it being a 'medieval' film. Depending on your sense of humour, these elements could make the film hilarious to you. However, I enjoy many good-bad films but found my self annoyed at this cheap and predictable jumped-up village play.
A hilariously horrible hoot
Woodyanders3 May 2007
Warning: Spoilers
1480: Cruel, evil, haughty schizophrenic holy man Guru (a deliciously over the top performance by Neil Flanagan) resides on the remote island of Mortavia. Guru gets his sadistic jollies out of killing and maiming thieves, voyeurs, witches and various other sinners. Crazed lesbian vampire lady Olga (the seriously strange Jaqueline Webb) and meek, whimpering one-eyed hunchback Igor (an uproariously geeky turn by Jack Spencer) assist Guru with his heinous misdeeds. Meanwhile, kindly jailer Carl (the extremely fey Paul Lieber) tries to save condemned fair maiden Nadja (pretty blonde Judith Israel) from Guru's foul clutches. Legendary Do-It-Yourself dimestore indie Staten Island schlockmeister Andy Milligan really outdoes himself with this astonishingly awful, yet often amusing and oddly entertaining period Gothic horror atrocity. The drippy'n'droning stock film library score, ratty, ugly, scratched-up cinematography (Andy gleefully indulges in his ghastly penchant for drab static master shots to an appalling degree), the outrageously tasteless plot, ripely hammy eye-rolling histrionic acting from a game no-name cast (many of whom talk with heavy New York accents), cynical misanthropic sensibility, cheesy gore, the hysterical bloodbath conclusion, and the gut-busting abundant anachronisms (one villager is clearly wearing corduroy pants!) all ensure that this spectacularly shoddy swill is absolutely sidesplitting from stinky start to fumbled finish. A positively jaw-dropping celluloid abomination.
Badly made, but strangely compelling.
ubik-1112 November 2002
I know this movie is bad. I know I shouldn't like it. But there's something about it that holds my attention when it plays. Something in its crude simplicity compels me forward to the end. It happens every time I watch it. I don't know what it is.
Guru (odd name for an orthodox priest) is a bit hammy but not overly so. Carl delivers his lines in one of the oddest intonations I've heard. He later appeared as Detective Eric Dorsey, a minor character on the Barney Miller show. Olga, who apparently is a vampire (?), can't seem to speak her lines fast enough. Pay attention or you'll miss 'em! Igor is fun to watch, as is the cute girl (Nadja) in the attic who befriends him.
Watch for the modern claw hammer, the modern scissors, the steel bars on the windows, and the prisoner wearing corduroy pants!
Guru (odd name for an orthodox priest) is a bit hammy but not overly so. Carl delivers his lines in one of the oddest intonations I've heard. He later appeared as Detective Eric Dorsey, a minor character on the Barney Miller show. Olga, who apparently is a vampire (?), can't seem to speak her lines fast enough. Pay attention or you'll miss 'em! Igor is fun to watch, as is the cute girl (Nadja) in the attic who befriends him.
Watch for the modern claw hammer, the modern scissors, the steel bars on the windows, and the prisoner wearing corduroy pants!
THE BLOOD GURU
mmthos1 November 2021
THE BLOOD GURU
Everything you've heard about this marvel is true! A comedy of errors, from the title (as he is under a bishop, Father Guru is a priest who cannot, by definition, be a monk) to the frenzied fevered bloodletting while the Holy Father plays Bach tocattas on the grand pipe organ. Gaffs galore in all aspects of the low-to-no budget production. Script is strictly mundane colloquial contemporary American, entirely without attempt to evoke 15th century Transylvanian. Paul Lieber's thick New York accent is totally out of place here, yet he was the only one of the cast who managed to launch a successful, much-awarded Broadway and Hollywood career out of this mess! Overdramatic public domain soundtrack is way too good for the overall amateur quality, and the filmmakers can only take credit for its selection, not its composition. Effects are worthy of a kids' Hallowe'en party. This, along with "Fleshpots on 42nd Street", seals Andy Milligan's reputation as the Ultimate King of Schlock. John Waters is Demille by comparison.
Everything you've heard about this marvel is true! A comedy of errors, from the title (as he is under a bishop, Father Guru is a priest who cannot, by definition, be a monk) to the frenzied fevered bloodletting while the Holy Father plays Bach tocattas on the grand pipe organ. Gaffs galore in all aspects of the low-to-no budget production. Script is strictly mundane colloquial contemporary American, entirely without attempt to evoke 15th century Transylvanian. Paul Lieber's thick New York accent is totally out of place here, yet he was the only one of the cast who managed to launch a successful, much-awarded Broadway and Hollywood career out of this mess! Overdramatic public domain soundtrack is way too good for the overall amateur quality, and the filmmakers can only take credit for its selection, not its composition. Effects are worthy of a kids' Hallowe'en party. This, along with "Fleshpots on 42nd Street", seals Andy Milligan's reputation as the Ultimate King of Schlock. John Waters is Demille by comparison.
"I need blood, lots of blood."
classicsoncall11 April 2020
Warning: Spoilers
I have only one question for anyone who's seen this film - how do you suppose anyone doing a scene with Igor the Hunchback (Jack Spencer) managed to keep a straight face while exchanging lines with him. I closely observed actress Judith Spencer portraying the prison girl Najia, and she soldiered on stoically with Igor in an extended scene, but I'd love to see the outtakes from this picture. That is, if there were any, as the budget for this thing probably didn't allow for multiple shootings. By the time you get to the part with the Bishop (Frank Echols), you had a pretty good idea that the head of this church was going to wind up just that - a head of this church! Between the blood letting and magic potions, this is one doozy of a flick with a mad monk (Neil Flanagan) who wouldn't quit until he literally got his bell rung at the finale. And still I couldn't keep a straight face.
Nice motor scooter
marcglowacki-7050728 January 2024
I love.period Pieces where you can find modern things in the background. Yes, one of the peasants who is executed is wearing Levi corduroy pants, and then there is clearly a white motorbike in the background when the holy father visits the church.
If you want to kill 55 minutes and enjoy a shock movie, watch this. Watched it in the garage with my brother and I still don't know what the plot is even though I read the plot. But a lot of fun just to watch it. Carl sounds like Vinny Barbarino.
I kept waiting for Mr. Cotter or Horack to be in one of the scenes.
Get a big bag of popcorn, and a full bottle of wine or 12 pack of beer, light a cigar and enjoy this cinematic abortion.
If you want to kill 55 minutes and enjoy a shock movie, watch this. Watched it in the garage with my brother and I still don't know what the plot is even though I read the plot. But a lot of fun just to watch it. Carl sounds like Vinny Barbarino.
I kept waiting for Mr. Cotter or Horack to be in one of the scenes.
Get a big bag of popcorn, and a full bottle of wine or 12 pack of beer, light a cigar and enjoy this cinematic abortion.
Everything, including the kitchen sink...
JonjaNet2 February 2022
Let's see... We have Hunchback of Notre Dame, shades of Burke and Hare, a little Lady Carmilla... Just everything that Milligan could cram in, he did. (Motor scooters in the 17th century be damned!)
Sometimes the actors rise above the dreck, but not this time. Our lead "hero" sleepwalks his way through the movie making him look less intelligent than the poor hunchback.
The lead actress is quite beautiful IMO, but her fake eyelashes and pixie cut hair do are just a LITTLE out of place. (But so is the aforementioned scooter and a light switch or two) I've become so enamored with Milligan's films.
The lead actress is quite beautiful IMO, but her fake eyelashes and pixie cut hair do are just a LITTLE out of place. (But so is the aforementioned scooter and a light switch or two) I've become so enamored with Milligan's films.
An underrated masterpiece
doyoulikeschlong5 November 2015
One of the most spectacular period pieces ever made, lavish costumes, at sets, or shall I say set. Beautiful color and sound, a sight to see. 1485 never looked better. Superb acting, and dialog. Neil Flanagan gives an Oscar worth performance as father Guru. Jacqueline Webb as Olga was super evil, it scared the pants off me, and I don't scare easy. I felt bad for Igor, I knew he really did not want to be a bad guy, but he felt father Guru was his only friend, so he listened to everything he said. This film deserves to play at film festivals all over. The late Andy Milligan was a genius. I hope this gets re released with special features including a featurette and commentary.
Better Than It's Given Credit For
Rainey-Dawn19 January 2016
This is a B-film period piece that is much better that it's given credit for. I don't understand harsh criticism against this movie - it's not the greatest film of it's type but it's much better than it's rating and criticism.
We have Father Guru - a monk that is, well, mad. He seems to have a split personality and has lost all of his faith. He relies on Olga, a vampire witch, and Igor, a hunchback that resembles Quasimodo, to help him with most all things - especially in exploiting the church and a God he no longer believes in.
This costumes and sets are great - it's wonderful. The acting is not all that bad - better than I expected. Directing & cinematography is fine. The story is interesting.
Give this one a try if you like vampires, witches, madmen, hunchbacks, monks and medieval themed films.
7/10
We have Father Guru - a monk that is, well, mad. He seems to have a split personality and has lost all of his faith. He relies on Olga, a vampire witch, and Igor, a hunchback that resembles Quasimodo, to help him with most all things - especially in exploiting the church and a God he no longer believes in.
This costumes and sets are great - it's wonderful. The acting is not all that bad - better than I expected. Directing & cinematography is fine. The story is interesting.
Give this one a try if you like vampires, witches, madmen, hunchbacks, monks and medieval themed films.
7/10
Horrible
Michael_Elliott26 February 2008
Guru the Mad Monk (1970)
BOMB (out of 4)
Another film from the infamous Andy Milligan. Guru is the monk at a local prison where prisoners are beaten, executed and so on. Blah, blah, blah. The entire film runs 56-minutes and I was wanting to hit the FF button each and every single minute. The film is horribly made with horrible acting, horrible directing and everything else is equally horrible. Milligan has the reputation of being one of the worst directors ever and I'd certainly have to agree with that. The movies has no pacing and really doesn't have anything going for it.
BOMB (out of 4)
Another film from the infamous Andy Milligan. Guru is the monk at a local prison where prisoners are beaten, executed and so on. Blah, blah, blah. The entire film runs 56-minutes and I was wanting to hit the FF button each and every single minute. The film is horribly made with horrible acting, horrible directing and everything else is equally horrible. Milligan has the reputation of being one of the worst directors ever and I'd certainly have to agree with that. The movies has no pacing and really doesn't have anything going for it.
An amazing film
myles-clegg-9-3107918 August 2023
Guru the Mad Monk was one of a rash of films writer and director (among other duties) Andy Milligan made around the cusp of the nineteen-sixties into the seventies, his output as numerous as it was shoddy. Believe it or not, this was one of his more accomplished efforts, possibly because it did not hang around much longer than an hour, so there was little padding, it simply got in, did what it had to do and got out again. But that is not to say there is no padding, and the larger portions of the action were Milligan's cast standing about talking his wordy dialogue, if they fluffed their lines, not to worry, he would not only keep the camera rolling, but would include the muffed take in the final product into the bargain, allowing audiences to see what amateurs he had recruited.
Quite why he would wish to highlight the poor standards of his work is something of a mystery - it could be that he just did not care about standards - but these shot in a couple of corners (corners of a church in this instance) flicks were not crafted to impress anyone of their artiness, they were present to make a small profit and provide a cheap thrill to anyone sitting in a grindhouse or drive-in patiently waiting (or sleeping) for a proper movie to be shown. In the days before digital cameras has democratised filmmaking, if not talent, there were auteurs dabbling in low rent projects purely to feed the appetite for schlock, not out of love but because there was money in it. Milligan on a substantial budget is an interesting prospect, but it never happened, and exclusively he was dumped in the most impoverished sex and horror items of his own manufacture.
The plot here was both too complicated to do justice in within this short space of time, and not really worth doing that anyway. But Milligan's trademarks were there nonetheless, the bleak view of human nature translated into a need to punish his characters, moral and immoral, indiscriminately, a god with no tolerance for the weaknesses of humanity, simply the relish that he could make people his playthings, not unlike Guru does here. The special effects were frankly pathetic, with shop dummy hands pressed into service when such appendages needed to be cut off or have nails hammered through them, gimmicks so obviously fake that they became a statement of the artificiality of the entire enterprise. Carl manages to free Nadja, but at what cost, as she is imprisoned in an upper room while awaiting Guru (who talks to himself in the mirror) and his promise to let her go. Meanwhile a vampire shows up, as does a one-eyed hunchback actually called Igor. The real mystery was: did Milligan care about any of this? Was he merely a hack, or a wounded artist in reduced circumstances? Many find his work too boring to contemplate, but it contained a curious, droning allure.
Quite why he would wish to highlight the poor standards of his work is something of a mystery - it could be that he just did not care about standards - but these shot in a couple of corners (corners of a church in this instance) flicks were not crafted to impress anyone of their artiness, they were present to make a small profit and provide a cheap thrill to anyone sitting in a grindhouse or drive-in patiently waiting (or sleeping) for a proper movie to be shown. In the days before digital cameras has democratised filmmaking, if not talent, there were auteurs dabbling in low rent projects purely to feed the appetite for schlock, not out of love but because there was money in it. Milligan on a substantial budget is an interesting prospect, but it never happened, and exclusively he was dumped in the most impoverished sex and horror items of his own manufacture.
The plot here was both too complicated to do justice in within this short space of time, and not really worth doing that anyway. But Milligan's trademarks were there nonetheless, the bleak view of human nature translated into a need to punish his characters, moral and immoral, indiscriminately, a god with no tolerance for the weaknesses of humanity, simply the relish that he could make people his playthings, not unlike Guru does here. The special effects were frankly pathetic, with shop dummy hands pressed into service when such appendages needed to be cut off or have nails hammered through them, gimmicks so obviously fake that they became a statement of the artificiality of the entire enterprise. Carl manages to free Nadja, but at what cost, as she is imprisoned in an upper room while awaiting Guru (who talks to himself in the mirror) and his promise to let her go. Meanwhile a vampire shows up, as does a one-eyed hunchback actually called Igor. The real mystery was: did Milligan care about any of this? Was he merely a hack, or a wounded artist in reduced circumstances? Many find his work too boring to contemplate, but it contained a curious, droning allure.
wacky Milligan project
ksf-214 December 2020
It's an Andy Milligan production, so hold on tight! kind of like a john waters film, they just keep on going, no matter what happens. everyone speaks in monotone, the script is ludicrous, the sound is terrible, and everything is done in close up. but it's silly and fun. Milligan must have only had one camera lens! Father Guru is a wacky prison priest, gone off the rails. played by usual Milligan lead Neil Flanagan. he decides who he will help and who shall die in shame. when Carl goes to him and asks for his help saving his girl Nadja, Carl is now indebted to the Father, and must run dangerous errands for him. a bit repetitious... everyone keeps saying trust no-one, and look out for number one. keep an eye out for Lars (Ron Keith)...he was another member of Milligan's usual cast. appears to have been filmed in an actual church.. at one point you can hear what sounds like hammering...was it being repaired? funny. big showdown at the end. good stuff!
Cult Nuts, with Vampire and Hunchback Sauce
davidcarniglia31 October 2020
Warning: Spoilers
Mortavia? Ok, I guess anyplace will work for 1480; even a Christian monk named Guru (Neil Flanagan). That worthy is into torturing and killing witches, and garden variety malefactors. An issue arises when nice guy Carl (Paul Lieber) takes a shine to Nadja (Judith Israel), whom is saved from death. There's a hunchback, Igor, named Igor (Jack Spencer). Guru talks to himself; he sorta has to, split personality and all. Then there's the in-house witch, Olga (Jacqueline Webb).
The earnestness of everyone here belies the fact that this is a nice horror spoof. There's breezy music, and Igor bobbing about. Anyway, Christine (Julia Wills) shows up at church to consult with Father Guru. Olga mesmerizes her, and then gives her a vampire bite. Carl chats up Nadja; they're in love. Guru greets Father Polanski and Bishop Kopel (Gerald Jacuzzo and Frank Echols).
Despite their formal language, they don't necessarily like each other. "I know how difficult things are on this beastly island" says The Bishop. He wants to take Nadja; Guru won't give up his mistress. Meanwhile, Polanski finds her, and wonders why she's kept there. Polanski is supposed to replace Guru. Olga offers Polanski a priest's severed head--that's the exotic island menu. Igor saves Nadja from the vampire's grasp. What a nutty cackle Olga lets out!
Now Guru approaches Nadja. igor hears her scream, and attempts to rescue her once again. Yuck! Igor is nailed to the wall and gets his tongue snipped off. Carl shows up in timely fashion. For some reason, Olga attacks Guru, but stabs herself. Then, a somewhat recovered Igor takes on Guru. Stabbed a bunch of times, Igor isn't deterred; he manages to lasso Guru, who's trying to get away down the stairs. A cunning ploy for Igor, as his nemesis is hanged. Carl whisks Nadja away--the end.
This is the definition of a fun movie. I think it's possible that the slip-ups are intentional (why else do we get such a clear view of the modern scissors?). Those bits stand out because the sets and costumes are mostly authentic. Making fun of the Church wouldn't have an edge if all the clergymen didn't look the part. On the other hand, Olga and Igor are absurd characters that fit in brilliantly. Actually, the only thing that isn't nutty here is the Nadja/Carl romance.
So, there is a plot; in fact two. Who gets Nadja is the question for both the romance and the unsavory clerics who desire her. The first part seems to hint at a grisly exploitation sort of horror. That aspect is supplanted, fir the most part, by the macabre, yet goofy maneuvers and exploits of the creeps and bad guys. Very entertaining, subversive, campy, and a bit surreal.
The earnestness of everyone here belies the fact that this is a nice horror spoof. There's breezy music, and Igor bobbing about. Anyway, Christine (Julia Wills) shows up at church to consult with Father Guru. Olga mesmerizes her, and then gives her a vampire bite. Carl chats up Nadja; they're in love. Guru greets Father Polanski and Bishop Kopel (Gerald Jacuzzo and Frank Echols).
Despite their formal language, they don't necessarily like each other. "I know how difficult things are on this beastly island" says The Bishop. He wants to take Nadja; Guru won't give up his mistress. Meanwhile, Polanski finds her, and wonders why she's kept there. Polanski is supposed to replace Guru. Olga offers Polanski a priest's severed head--that's the exotic island menu. Igor saves Nadja from the vampire's grasp. What a nutty cackle Olga lets out!
Now Guru approaches Nadja. igor hears her scream, and attempts to rescue her once again. Yuck! Igor is nailed to the wall and gets his tongue snipped off. Carl shows up in timely fashion. For some reason, Olga attacks Guru, but stabs herself. Then, a somewhat recovered Igor takes on Guru. Stabbed a bunch of times, Igor isn't deterred; he manages to lasso Guru, who's trying to get away down the stairs. A cunning ploy for Igor, as his nemesis is hanged. Carl whisks Nadja away--the end.
This is the definition of a fun movie. I think it's possible that the slip-ups are intentional (why else do we get such a clear view of the modern scissors?). Those bits stand out because the sets and costumes are mostly authentic. Making fun of the Church wouldn't have an edge if all the clergymen didn't look the part. On the other hand, Olga and Igor are absurd characters that fit in brilliantly. Actually, the only thing that isn't nutty here is the Nadja/Carl romance.
So, there is a plot; in fact two. Who gets Nadja is the question for both the romance and the unsavory clerics who desire her. The first part seems to hint at a grisly exploitation sort of horror. That aspect is supplanted, fir the most part, by the macabre, yet goofy maneuvers and exploits of the creeps and bad guys. Very entertaining, subversive, campy, and a bit surreal.
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