Memorable quotes for
Carry on at Your Convenience (1971) More at IMDbPro »

[Sid and Beattie Plummer are discussing the mating habits of budgerigars]
Beattie: Well, we know Joey's a he-bird...
Sid: Cock.
Beattie: He is! The man in the pet shop said so!

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[W.C. Boggs on fortune tellers... ]
W.C.: Fakes, that's all they are, sitting there staring in their crystal whatsitsnames.
Sid: Balls.
W.C.: I quite agree!

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[waving a dinner knife]
Agatha Spanner: This is a respectable and refined neighbourhood AND DON'T YOU BLOODY FORGET IT.
Vic Spanner: How can I, when you keep reminding me of it so nicely.

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[disguised as a fortune teller Sid is prognosticating on W. C. Boggs and Miss Withering's future]
Sid: I see a marriage and one, two, three... fourteen children!

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[Vic walks out on his job at Boggs and is leaving the forecourt]
Girl: Excuse me but they sent me from the exchange. I'm the new canteen girl. Can you tell me where I go?
Vic Spanner: Oh Yes. I was just going in myself, I'll show you where it is. Yes, we've got a lovely pair of canteens here and a nice load of people.

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Bunny Waitress: [Bunny Waitress leaning over Lewis] Yes?
Lewis Boggs: [Trying to order more drinks] I'd like another couple of those please.
[Myrtle is not impressed]
Lewis Boggs: I mean, these, please.
Myrtle Plummer: If I was you I would have stuck to your first request!

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Chloe Moore: Fred do you really think I would I'd want to play around with anyone else about when I got a smashing bloke like you to play around with?
Fred Moore: I know women, when there's no prime beef handy they'll do with any old scrag end.
Chloe Moore: Well then you want to make sure there's plenty of prime beef when they need it, don't you?

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Agatha Spanner: [in reference to the Motorbike revving noise] Stop that row and get that thing out of here! Go on you great big lump!
Mrs. Spragg: Quite right Mrs Spanner it's a disgrace it is!
Agatha Spanner: You mind your own bloody business.

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[Miss Withering tests out Mr Boggs' new toilet seat]
W.C.: Well Miss Withering, how does it feel, comfortable?
Hortence Withering: Yes I think so Mr Boggs.
W.C.: Good, good. Comfort before beauty, that's what I always say.
Sid: It a bit big in the bowl, ain't it?
Charles Coote: It is only 2 centrementres more than our last model and I'm sure we shan't fall out over that.
Sid: Its falling in I'm worried about!
W.C.: No, no! I live your overall design Mr Coote.
Charles Coote: Oh thank you Sir.
Hortence Withering: May I get off now please?
W.C.: Yes of course Mrs Withering, and thank you you have been most patient.
Sid: Yes like Jove on a monument, and what a monument!
W.C.: Yes, we must make sure that the catch is strong enough to support the seat.
Sid: Do you mind if I try it?
W.C.: No, go ahead.
[Sid gets out his paper and starts moving around from side to side on the new toilet]
Sid: Yes I don't think I could stand it for more than half an hour.
Charles Coote: It was hardly designed for a reading room!
Sid: Ere... Look at this very slender this pedestle... Isn't it?
Charles Coote: It's streamlined!
Sid: What for, wind resistance?
Charles Coote: In any case the thickness has nothing to do whatsoever with the tensile strength.
W.C.: I hope your right Mr Coote. I have had bitter experience of what happens when one of these collapses, or rather my poor wife had, God rest her soul.

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Sid: How about some food?
Beattie: Well I could make you some beans on toast or something?
Sid: No, nothing too elaborate, thank you.

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Chloe Moore: Old tinder bottom's off again, 'nother bloomin' strike I suppose.
Maud: Oh no, what's it for?
Chloe Moore: You know our Vic, he never has known what it's for!

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Vic Spanner: [there is anger at the loss of the tea round] It's another a little prod at the very vitals of your personal freedom.
Chloe Moore: I never noticed anyone prodding at my vitals!
Ernie: Good for you, Chloe.
Willie: Any time for you, Chloe!

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Lewis Boggs: You may not understand exactly what it means, but since I have been working in this factory I have been making a time and motion study.
Chloe Moore: Oh I know what it means Mr Lewis and if you've got the time I've certainly got the motion.
Lewis Boggs: Don't think I haven't noticed it Mrs Moore, especially in your main production department.
Chloe Moore: Oh you cheeky devil.

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Chloe Moore: Come on Fred, I'll get you something to eat.
Fred Moore: I could do with a bit.
Sid: Spoken like a true man!

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Chloe Moore: Oh, hello Fred, Sid just give me a lift home.
Fred Moore: I hope that's all he gave you!

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