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98 out of 108 people found the following review useful: Remarkable., 18 August 2004 Author: Finntroll from Turku, Finland
This may on one hand actually well be the worst movie I've seen, on regular movie basis that is, because on the other hand it's also the funniest movie I've stumbled across since I saw "Monty Python and the quest for the holy grail".I've always thought Arnold Schwarzenegger has been wooden in his acting, but none of his other movies even come close to the extreme amount of talent vacuum he possesses in this movie. I had a really hard time understanding whether he was supposed to resemble a retard or a tree, either way he did a fine job, since it all seemed perfectly natural. For him, that is. The character Hercules is anyway the most testosterone-filled man caught on camera. This guy has a constant urge of ripping off his shirt everytime he either has to do something or everytime he's bored. He even has the great ability of killing actors dressed as bears by lifting them up in the air and throwing them around, destroying cabs because he's angry and impressing ladies by ripping off his shirt in front of them. Now that's at least three dimensions! In one character! Kudos to the excellent scriptwriters who managed to write this amazing piece of art during their part-time job at Dairy Queen! Long live the underdog!Then we have main supporting character Arnold Stang, an actor which has exactly two different looks: one of utter confusion, probably because he's wondering about what the hell he's doing in the movie in the first place and one look of not so utter confusion, which he often uses when Hercules flexes his muscles for him. Besides these two main actors we have Zeus, played by someone named Ernest Graves, a man who does a great job of looking mad in every scene. Zeus meets a woman and becomes mad. Zeus talks to Hercules and gets... mad! Zeus get to know something about sabotage and he get's, wait, I got it on my tongue. Oh yeah now I know it, mad!Then we have lots of characters played by actors I have no reason whatsoever of giving away the names of. But as far as characters go, the goddess of beauty is a really pug-ugly woman/dog/gorilla with a stuffed bra and all, Pluto has the incredible ability of turning out all the lights in a plastic version of New York, Atlas and Samson helps Hercules by throwing punches a few meters in front of bad guys, probably to stun them with their utter uselessness or possibly showing off their godly talents that doesn't even require them to hit people to hurt them. The old fool Samson is a part for himself, since he doesn't even seem understand he's from the Bible and has nothing to do with Greek mythology. But then again I have a feeling many people involved in this movie weren't quite sure of what they were doing.Other intriguing parts here are that some of the scenes are so incredibly badly done and edited you actually can't understand what's happening. The fight in the stairs really had me puzzled about what was going on. After I saw it ten times in repeat I understood that there actually was a hidden door somewhere and that it actually made sense in a surreal "Hercules in New York" kind of way.Then we have Olympus, not only home of the Gods but also home of the big evil city traffic, you can hear cars driving by and honking every second. This is maybe one of the director's more intriguing ideas, were he want's to show us that time doesn't stand still even in Olympus and that they actually have cars there. Wait a minute that doesn't make any sense. OK maybe it's supposed to be there just because no-one ever even thought about editing the sound and that reality works that way: what you don't alter is most likely to stay the way it is. Yeah, thats more like it.I have only listed a few of the errors in this movie here, since I won't spend the entire day of writing this review but I think the fact that Arnold Scwarzenegger actually managed to not only have a movie career but also got elected as a senator has to rate as the biggest of the lot. Only in America folks. Only in America.Be sure to watch this even if it may be on of the worst movies made. If there ever was a movie so bad it's funny, it has to be this one.1/10
63 out of 68 people found the following review useful: Arnold VS. The Bear in Central Park., 13 September 2004 Author: DarthVSith from United States
That scene is by far the funniest yet horrible scene in film legacy. Arnold is in a chariot with his date when somehow a bear is on the loose in Central Park. For no apparent reason he runs off to fight it. They cut to the bear, And it stands up. Clearly, you can imagine the trainer behind the camera saying "BEAR UP" and it stands up. Now when Arnold fights the bear, It is a man in a costume which looks like it was purchased in Harlem. The back of the mans neck is showing as clear as day while him (the bear) and arnold duke it out. The man is swinging his fists like a MILL. You just cant take your eyes off it. And if you do, you are missing out on the funniest man vs. man (in a animal costume) fight in Film PERIOD.
59 out of 70 people found the following review useful: Arnold's First, 15 August 2003 Author: superman002100 from Georgia
I don't know if it wasn't meant to be but this movie is hilarious. How can you downgrade a movie that offers Arnold in his true form, no facial expressions, an accent that can hardly be understood, and muscles on top of muscles. If you have seen the DVD version you can watch the movie with his voice, which makes all the difference in the world, if you're an Arnold fan that is. My personal favorite is, "I do nots care abouts ze zundaboats." I don't think that line can ever be topped. And who can not laugh at the New York traffic sounds on Mt. Olympus. This movie may be the most underbudget, worst film of all time, but it's Arnold and it's great for a laugh. If stupid things make you laugh then this movie is a must.
33 out of 42 people found the following review useful: Hercules in New York is the ultimate comedy, 2 April 2005 Author: poldemol from Belgium
To me, it doesn't matter if things are intentionally or unintentionally funny. Intentions just don't matter that much in the real world. Hitler might have intended to make the world a better place, I don't think his intentions matter when you judge him. This is simply one of the most hilarious movies you'll ever see, it's filled with absurd scenes. And it's acted out to perfection. The combination of Arnie, and Pretzie, it's just magic. Pretzie overacts as badly as you can imagine, Arnie doesn't act and he does that as badly as you can imagine. But those aren't the only noteworthy performances in this movie. Check out the refinement of the screaming girl, in the infamous bear-attack scene. There are just so many little things in this movie, little details in every single aspect of this movie, that make this so extremely funny and entertaining. It just ignores even the most basic of things needed for a good movie, and it is exactly that, what makes this so good. Watch this movie, you won't be able to say that it is average, that's for sure. I've seen this movie 2 times, and I still regularly think about it. I would buy the DVD without a second thought if I would encounter it.
33 out of 45 people found the following review useful: What a pumped up movie!, 5 March 2000 Author: (jgray@spu.edu) from Seattle Washington
I love it! Hercules in New York was the best laugh I've had in a long time! Reminds me of something my sister and I would have done with our old video camera. If you're in the mood for 100% cheese, this is your movie. Who directed this? Ed Wood?
34 out of 50 people found the following review useful: Author! Author!, 4 September 1999 Author: Jay Stuler (stuler.1@osu.edu) from Ohio
Wow, this movie has to be seen to be believed! I can't believe that Arnold "Pretzie" Stang was overlooked AGAIN by the Academy! A finer piece of work I have not seen! Except perhaps by that guy in the bear suit. Now that was some great acting as well.Of course, this is all from the perspective of being drunk, which is what you would have to be to like this movie! :P
42 out of 66 people found the following review useful: The horror..., 19 February 2006 Author: David S. (strandorama@gmail.com) from Copenhagen, Denmark
This is one of the worst movies of all time. The four-hundred-and-something witless souls who awarded this a 10 should be permanently banned from voting.Forget that it was made on a shoe-string budget, and that at one point Arnold fights the worst bear costume in movie history; forget that he takes his shirt off in every other scene, often with zero motivation; forget that the Mount Olympus scenes are obviously shot in New York; forget even that the acting is of such monumental ineptitude that James Karen (one of the worst actors in "Return of the Living Dead") is far and away the finest thespian in sight. The fact that anybody invested as much as a nickel in a script that one monkey working for one hour could easily have done better is what really blows my mind. The premise is painfully stupid, and the execution of it is as heavy-handed and amateurish as anything you're likely to see. Most porn movies are produced with more consideration for plot.I recommend "Hercules in New York" to anyone who likes to go to the dentist or enjoys a hard punch in the nose. This is an hour and a half of pure agony.
22 out of 29 people found the following review useful: "How dare you strike Hercules", 30 December 2004 Author: NoeMan from Iceland
If I feel down, all I need to do is think of Arnie fighting the grizzly bear in Hercules in New York and it cracks me up. The grizzly bear is actually just some big guy wearing a Halloween costume, he even moves like a human. But thats not the silliest scene. Arnold also fights a group of sailors with a plank and throws them in the sea, the sound effects and horrible choreography in that scene is hilarious. I've got the version of this movie with Arnies real voice, and just hearing that makes this movie worth getting. But Arnold is not the worst actor in this movie, his partner, Arnold Stang is much worse. The Mafia is even this movie, well, three guys...played by actors who probably auditioned for The Godfather but didn't make it. Yeeeaaahhhh....The "brilliant" theme song in this movie is played about 500 times.I would give this movie a one, but it made me laugh...so I guess it deserves a 2. Hoo-Ya.
22 out of 30 people found the following review useful: Mind-numbingly funny; but also one of the worst films ever..., 30 April 2004 Author: adam-tanaka from London, England
Hercules in New York is quite possibly one of the funniest films ever made; it is also one of the worst. Arnold stomps from scene to scene with the same vacant expression, occasionally flickering his eyes. However, he also creates one of the most memorably stupid characters in Cinematic History: Hercules.("You're on the make, Herc!", to which Arnold replies "What, I am not making anything?") There are scenes of comic genius; A chariot race down Broadway; A fight with the hilariously fake bear in the park, in which his screaming girlfriend looks at the camera very blatantly; A weightlifting competition with Monstro the Magnificent... all to the sound of silly Greek wedding music. Bottom line- It has to be seen to be believed. SEE IT NOW!!
15 out of 19 people found the following review useful: What a goofy film!, 31 July 2001 Author: gridoon
*** This review may contain spoilers ***
Clumsy comedy with cheesy "special effects" (if you want to call them that) and a dumb storyline. Still, this could be considered something of a cult item today, because it feautures Arnold Schwarzenegger in his movie debut; he is already impressive-looking, and his voice is dubbed throughout by a man who sounds nothing like him! What saves this movie from the lowest possible rating is its lack of pretension; the people involved in it must have known that they were making a bad movie and didn't try to hide it at all. For example, when Hercules fights a bear, there is no attempt to make the bear look even slightly real; it's all-too-obviously a man in a bear suit. (*1/2)
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