The Phantom Tollbooth (1970)

Hans Conried: King Azaz, The MathemaGician

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Quotes 

• Milo : That's my speech! I didn't know I was going to eat my words.

  King Azaz : Of course you didn't. That's what we're all doing. You should have made a tastier speech.

• Humbug : Could you show us the biggest number there is? That will give him something to figure out.

  The MathemaGician : Very well, Sir Humbug. What's the biggest number you can think of?

  Humbug : 9,999,999,000,999 and... nine tenths!

  The MathemaGician : Very good. Now add one to it.

  Humbug : Add one?

  The MathemaGician : Now, add one to that. Add one again. Add one again. Add one again. Add one again.

  Milo : But he'd never be able to stop that way.

  The MathemaGician : Never, for the number you hope for is always at least one higher than the one you had, and that's so large that if you started saying it yesterday, you wouldn't finish until tomorrow.

• King Azaz : You couldn't have one fine day without the day, could you? You couldn't have tea for two without the tea, could you? You couldn't have three blind mice without the mice, could you? So you see, Milo, words are really very valuable things.

• The MathemaGician : You couldn't have one fine day without the one, could you? You couldn't have tea for two without the two, could you? You couldn't have three blind mice without the three... so you see, numbers are the four, five, six, seven, eight wonders of the world!

• King Azaz : I seem to have a touch of indigestion.

  Milo : Perhaps you've eaten too much too quickly.

  King Azaz : To be sure, too much to quickly. I most certainly haven't eaten too little too slowly, or too much too slowly, or too little too quickly, or taken all day to eat nothing or, eaten everything in no time at all...

  Milo : But wouldn't that be just as bad?

  King Azaz : You mean 'Just as good.' Things which are just as bad also are equally good. Try to look at the bright side of things Milo.

• King Azaz : Here, in this bag, are all the words and ideas I know. With them, you may ask all the questions which have never been answered, and answer all the questions which have never been asked. All the great books of the past, and all the ones yet to come are in that bag. Go now, but remember: Use these words well, and there is no obstacle you cannot overcome.

• The MathemaGician : Rescue Rhyme and Reason? What a wonderful idea... wait! Has Azaz agreed to it?

  Tock : Yes sir, he has.

  The MathemaGician : Then I don't! We've never agreed on anything and we never will!

  Milo : And if I can prove otherwise, can we have permission to go?

  The MathemaGician : Of course, of course.

  Milo : Very well then. Now - if Azaz agrees with something then you disagree, correct?

  The MathemaGician : Correct.

  Milo : And anything Azaz disagrees with, you agree, is that correct?

  The MathemaGician : Correct.

  Milo : Then each of you agrees that he will disagree with the other, right?

  The MathemaGician : Right.

  Milo : Then you admit that you do agree with Azaz about something - you agree about disagreeing!

  The MathemaGician : I'VE BEEN TRICKED!

• Milo : If you please, sir...

  King Azaz : AHEM!

  Milo : Your Majesty, my name is Milo, and this is Tock, my watch dog. And we've been sentenced to six million years...

  King Azaz : ARRRGH! Six million? That's not a sentence, that's a number! It's against the law to mention numbers here in Dictionopolis!

• King Azaz : You may ask all the questions that have never been answered. And answer all the questions which have never been asked.