The Phantom Tollbooth (1970)

Daws Butler: Whether Man, Senses Taker, Terrible Trivium, Gelatinous Giant

Photos 

Quotes 

• Whether Man : Whether or not you find your way, you're bound to find some way. If you happen to find my way, you will return it, will you?

• Whether Man : My my my my my! Welcome, welcome welcome to the land of Expectations - to the land of Expectations! We don't get many travelers these days - we certainly don't get many travelers these days! Now what can I do for you? I'm the Whether Man!

  Milo : How do you do sir? Could you tell me the right road to... Dictionopolis, or someplace?

  Whether Man : Dictionopolis? Well now, well now, well now... I don't know of any wrong road to Dictionopolis, so if this road goes to Dictionopolis at all, it must be the right road, don't you think? And if it doesn't, it must be the right road to somewhere, mustn't it? Because there are no wrong roads to anywhere. Do you think it will rain?

  Milo : But I thought you said you were the Weather Man.

  Whether Man : Oh, no no no no no no no no no! I'm the WHETHER Man, not the Weather Man! For after all, it's more important to know whether there will be a change in the weather, than what the weather will be! Don't you think?

• The Terrible Trivium : Hello, little boy. Welcome to you, your faithful dog, and that handsome gentleman. I'm so terribly happy to see all of you. But before you travel on, I wonder if you could spare me a little time and asssist me with a few trivial tasks?

  Humbug : Why of course, we're in no hurry.

  The Terrible Trivium : Now young man, if you will take these exquisite tweezers, and move this pile of sand from here, to here.

  Milo : With these?

  The Terrible Trivium : Of course. And you sir, have the privilege of taking this delicate needle for digging a hole through this cliff.

  Humbug : Why, thank you sir! An exacting assignment, quite worthy of my talents. I shall enjoy it no end.

  The Terrible Trivium : And you sir, get to take this eye-dropper and empty that well.

  Milo : But these tasks don't seem very important.

  The Terrible Trivium : Of course they're not important! If you always do the easy and useless jobs, you'll never have to worry about the important ones!

  Tock : Now I know who you are! You're the Terrible Trivium!

  The Terrible Trivium : Quite correct! The Terrible Trivium, demon of petty tasks, ogre of wasted effort!

  Milo : Come on, Humbug, let's get out of here!

  The Terrible Trivium : [advancing]  And *friend* to lazy and foolish people everywhere!

• The Terrible Trivium : Come back. Come back! There are so many things to take away, and things to bring back!

  Humbug : [being dragged away by Tock and Milo]  So many stamps to lick; so many pencils to sharpen.

  The Terrible Trivium : There are so many holes to dig!

  Humbug : So many nails to straighten.

  The Terrible Trivium : So many doodles to doodle!

  Humbug : So many goofs to oof.

  The Terrible Trivium : Come back! There are so many useless things yet to do!

  Humbug : There are strings to tie, nits to pick, fingernails to bite, paperclips to unbend...

  [sees that he is hanging over a cliff] 

  Humbug : LIVES TO SAVE!

• Whether Man : Whether or not you find your way, you're bound to find some way! If you happen to find my way, would you please return it? You did say it was going to rain - didn't you?

• Gelatinous Giant : And what have we here? Aha! I see! Breakfast!

  Milo : Wait! I have a better idea!

  Gelatinous Giant : [horrified]  An idea? Ugh, if there's one thing I can't swallow, it's an idea!

  Milo : Well, it just so happens that I have a bag full of all the ideas in the world, right here!

  Gelatinous Giant : NO! No no no! Don't open it! Leave well enough alone! Don't take chances... keep things as they are... changes are so frightening... no... no... ideas...

• Whether Man : Well now, well now, well now - if it isn't the little boy who got lost trying to find his way. Expect everything, I always say, and the unexpected never happens.

• Whether Man : Have you found my way yet? I hope it isn't mildewed.