The Producers (1967)

Kenneth Mars: Franz Liebkind

Photos 

Quotes 

• Franz Liebkind : Nobody ever said a bad word about Winston Churchill, did they? No! "Win with Winnie!" Churchill! With his cigars. With his brandy. And his rotten painting, rotten! Hitler, there was a painter. He could paint an entire apartment in one afternoon! Two coats!

• Franz Liebkind : Not many people know it, but the Fuhrer was a terrific dancer.

• Women in Theatre; investor : [during the Springtime for Hitler performance]  Will you please, shut up!

  Franz Liebkind : You shut up! You are the audience! I am the author! I OUTRANK you!

• Franz Liebkind : Baby! Baby!... Why does he say this "baby"? The Führer has never said "baby". I did not write, "baby". What is it with this, "baby"?

• Franz Liebkind : [runs backstage to try to stop the play] 

  Stagehand : Hey, what can I do for you?

  Franz Liebkind : You will please be unconscious.

  [hits him on the head] 

• Franz Liebkind : Der Führer does not say, "Achtung, baby."

• Franz Liebkind : Gentlemen. Ve have here a technical problem. Hmm? I do not know if vat ve have here is ze quick burning fuse or ze slow buring fuse. Ja, ja, I must find zis out.

  [snips dynamite fuse] 

  Franz Liebkind : Zis is critical.

  [lights fuse with match] 

  Franz Liebkind : Ha ha ha, ja ja, you see zis? You see zis here vat I have told you? Yeah, zis is an example of smartness here. I have said that zis is ze quick fuse. Huh? And zis IS ze quick fuse.

  [pause] 

  All : THE QUICK FUSE!

  [explosion] 

• Leo Bloom : There, there.

  Franz Liebkind : [crying]  Where, where?

• Franz Liebkind : Gentlemen, it is magic time. Good luck. Good luck. Tonight, Broadway; tomorrow...

  [makes shape of globe with hands] 

  Max Bialystock : [after Liebkind has gone in]  So much for Nazi Fagin.

• Max Bialystock : Listen. Every night people are laughing at your beloved Fuhrer. Why?

  Franz Liebkind : It's that L.S.D., und his verdampter "babies"!

• Max Bialystock : Have I ever steered you wrong?

  Franz Liebkind : Always.

  Max Bialystock : Never mind.

• Franz Liebkind : Let me tell you this! And you're getting it straight from the horse. Hitler was better looking than Churchill, he was a better dresser than Churchill, he had more hair and he told funnier jokes and he could dance the pants off of Churhill!

• Max Bialystock : Don't shoot! It's the dynamite! If you shoot it, it will get mad at us, and blow us all up.

  Franz Liebkind : Yah. That is good thinking. I will put this dynamite back.

  Max Bialystock : Good.

  [after Liebkind has left] 

  Max Bialystock : Next time I produce a play - no author!

• [holding a gun to his head] 

  Franz Liebkind : Soon, I shall be with mein Führer... and Himmler. I'm coming to join you boys!

• Max Bialystock : Don't shoot! It's the dynamite!

  [trying to keep calm] 

  Max Bialystock : If you shoot it, it will get mad at us, and blow us all up.

  Franz Liebkind : Ah. That is good thinking. I will put this dynamite back.

  Max Bialystock : Good.

  [to Leo] 

  Max Bialystock : Next time I produce a play: No author.