A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to the Forum (1966)

Michael Hordern: Senex

Photos 

Quotes 

• Senex : A word of advice: never fall in love during a total eclipse.

• Senex : Son, if you're only as happy as your mother and I have been... my heart bleeds for you.

• Pseudolus : [seeing his master, who has been seized and kissed by Philia]  Sir! You're back!

  Senex : She almost broke it!

• Domina : A common flesh-peddler in the house next to ours, disgusting!

  Senex : Disgraceful, all that revolting flesh. Just next door...

• Domina : That breeder woman, has she been thrown a mate yet?

  Hysterium : Alas, she refuses just any slave. She demands to choose.

  Senex : Choose? She'll breed and like it, like everyone. Well, almost everyone.

• Philia : Take me, my body is yours. Is this not what you want?

  Senex : It has crossed my mind.

  Philia : But you must know something.

  Senex : Yes?

  Philia : Though you may have my body, you shall never have my heart.

  Senex : Oh, you can't have everything.

• Domina : You were doing what you always do - seeking money to buy your freedom.

  Pseudolus : Freedom? Oh, madam, who would want to be free of you?

  Senex : Who indeed?

• [last lines] 

  Pseudolus : [sung]  Lovers divided, get coincided - something for everyone...

  Hero , Philia : A comedy tonight!

  Pseudolus : Father and mother, get one another.

  Domina : Something for everyone...

  Senex : [whispers]  A tragedy tonight.

  Miles Gloriosus : I get the twins, they get the best!

  Erronius : I get a family...

  Hysterium : I get a rest.

  Soldiers : We get a few girls...

  Lycus : I'll get some new girls.

  Pseudolus : I get the thing I want to be...

  Hero : [spoken]  Free.

  Pseudolus : Free!

  Pseudolus , Hero , Philia , Domina , Senex , Miles Gloriosus , Erronius , Hysterium , Soldiers , Lycus : Free, free, free, free - Nothing for kings, nothing for crowns! Something for lovers, liars and clowns - What is the moral? Must be a moral. Here is the moral wrong or right - Morals tomorrow, comedy, comedy, comedy, comedy, comedy - tonight!

• Senex , Pseudolus , Hysterium , Lycus : [singing]  Oh, oh, wouldn't she be delightful,

  Lycus : Cleaning up?

  Senex : Leaning down,

  Senex , Pseudolus , Hysterium , Lycus : Everybody ought to have a maid, Someone who'll be, Busy as a bumblebee, And even if you grumble, Be as graceful as a grouse,

  Lycus : Wriggling in the anteroom!

  Hysterium : Jiggling in the living room!

  Pseudolus : Giggling in the dining room!

  Senex : Wiggling in the other rooms!

  Senex , Pseudolus , Hysterium , Lycus : Puttering all around the house!

• Pseudolus : Your new maid. We needed someone to help.

  Senex : The new maid? She seems very loyal.

  Pseudolus : Very courteous and very efficient and very thoughtful.

  Senex : Maids like me. I'm neat. I like maids. They're neat.

  [singing] 

  Senex : Everybody ought to have a maid, Everybody ought to have a working girl, Everybody ought to have a lurking girl, To putter around the house, Everybody ought to have a maid, Everybody ought to have a menial, Consistently congenial, And quieter than a mouse, Oh, oh, wouldn't she be delicious, Tidying up the dishes, neat as a pin? Oh, oh, wouldnt she be delightful, Sweeping out? Sleeping in...