Lolita (1962)

James Mason: Prof. Humbert Humbert

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Quotes 

• Charlotte Haze : Do you believe in God?

  Humbert Humbert : The question is does God believe in me?

• Humbert Humbert : [in car]  You know, I've missed you terribly.

  Lolita Haze : I haven't missed you. In fact, I've been revoltingly unfaithful to you.

  Humbert Humbert : Oh?

  Lolita Haze : But it doesn't matter a bit, because you've stopped caring anyway.

  Humbert Humbert : What makes you say I've stopped caring for you?

  Lolita Haze : Well, you haven't even kissed me yet, have you?

  [causing Humbert to put his foot down on the accelerator] 

• Humbert Humbert : I want you to live with me and die with me and everything with me!

• Lolita Haze : Do you always have to shave twice a day?

  Humbert Humbert : Yes, of course, because all the best people shave twice a day.

• Humbert Humbert : Well, it's nothing, but... she had an accident.

  Clare Quilty : Oh gee, she had an accident? That's really terrible, I mean, fancy a fellow's wife having... a normal guy having... his wife having an accident like that. W-what happened to her?

  Humbert Humbert : Er, she was hit by a car.

  Clare Quilty : Gee, no wonder she's not here. Gee, you must feel pretty bad about it. W-w-w-w-when uh eh w-what's happening, is she coming out later or something?

  Humbert Humbert : Well, that was the understanding.

  Clare Quilty : What, in an ambulance? Hahahaha! Gee, I'm sorry, I-I-I-shouldn't say that; I get sorta carried away, you know, being so normal and everything.

• Humbert Humbert : What drives me insane is the twofold nature of this nymphet, of every nymphet perhaps, this mixture in my Lolita of tender, dreamy childishness and a kind of eerie vulgarity. I know it is madness to keep this journal, but it gives me a strange thrill to do so. And only a loving wife could decipher my microscopic script.

• Charlotte Haze : Hum, you just touch me and I... I... I go as limp as a noodle. It scares me.

  Humbert Humbert : Yes, I know the feeling.

• Lolita Haze : Why don't we play a game?

  Humbert Humbert : A game? Come on. No, you get on to room service at once.

  Lolita Haze : No, really. I learned some real good games in camp. One in "particularly" was fun.

  Humbert Humbert : Well, why don't you describe this one in "particularly" good game?

  Lolita Haze : Well, I played it with Charlie.

  Humbert Humbert : Charlie? Who's he?

  Lolita Haze : Charlie? He's that guy you met in the office.

  Humbert Humbert : You mean that boy? You and he?

  Lolita Haze : Yeah. You sure you can't guess what game I'm talking about?

  Humbert Humbert : I'm not a very good guesser.

  Lolita Haze : [whispers in his ear and giggles] 

  Humbert Humbert : I don't know what game you played.

  Lolita Haze : [whispers in his ear again]  You mean you never played that game when you were a kid?

  Humbert Humbert : No.

  Lolita Haze : Alrighty then...

• [first lines] 

  Humbert Humbert : Quilty! Quilty?

  Clare Quilty : Ah, wha? Who's there?

  Humbert Humbert : Are you Quilty?

  Clare Quilty : No, I'm... Spartacus. You come to free the slaves or sumpn?

  Humbert Humbert : Are you Quilty?

  Clare Quilty : Yeah, yeah, I'm Quilty, yeah, sure.

• Humbert Humbert : [Referring to Quilty]  What happened to this Oriental-minded genius? When you left the hospital, where did he take you?

  Lolita Haze : To New Mexico.

  Humbert Humbert : Whereabouts in New Mexico?

  Lolita Haze : To a dude ranch near Santa Fe. The only problem with it was he had such a bunch of weird friends staying there.

  Humbert Humbert : What kind of "weird" friends?

  Lolita Haze : Weird! Painters, nudists, writers, weightlifters... But I figured I could take anything for a couple of weeks.

• Humbert Humbert : Queer how I misinterpreted the designation of doom.

• Humbert Humbert : [to Charlotte Haze]  We don't read other people's diaries, do we?

• Lolita Haze : Do you really shave twice a day?

  Humbert Humbert : [affronted]  The best people shave twice a day!

• [last lines] 

  Humbert Humbert : Quilty! Quilty?

• Charlotte Haze : Is, um, Madame Humbert, um...

  Humbert Humbert : There's no "Madame". We are divorced...

  Charlotte Haze : Oh...

  Humbert Humbert : *Happily* divorced.

  Charlotte Haze : When did all this happen?

  Humbert Humbert : About a year ago - in Paris.

  Charlotte Haze : Oh, Paris, France, madame... You know, monsieur, I really believe that it's only in the Romance Languages that one is able to really relate in a mature fashion. In fact I remember when the late Mr. Haze and I... when we were on our honeymoon abroad, I knew that I'd never felt married until I'd heard myself addressed as "Senora".

  Humbert Humbert : So you were in Spain?

  Charlotte Haze : No, Mexico!

  Humbert Humbert : Oh, Mexico, mm-hmm!

• Humbert Humbert : Read it.

  Clare Quilty : I can't read, mister. I never did none of that there book learning, you know.

  Humbert Humbert : Read it, Quilty.

  Clare Quilty : "Because you took advantage of a sinner." "Because you took advantage." "Because you took." "Because you took advantage of my disadvantage." Hey, that's a dad-blasted, darn good poem you done there. "When I stood Adam-naked." Oh! Adam-naked! You should be ashamed of yourself, Captain. "Before a federal law and all its stinging stars." Tarnation! You old horn toad. That's mighty pretty. That's a pretty poem. "Because you took advantage." It's getting a bit repetitious, isn't it? "Because." Another one. "Because you cheated me." "Because you took her at an age when young lads - "

  Humbert Humbert : That's enough.

  Clare Quilty : Say, why'd you take it away for, Mister? That was gettin' kinda smutty there.

• Humbert Humbert : Would you like me to read you some poetry?

  Lolita Haze : Sure, why not?

  Humbert Humbert : This is my favorite poet. "It was..."

  Lolita Haze : Who's the poet?

  Humbert Humbert : The divine Edgar.

  Lolita Haze : Who's the divine Edgar. Edgar who?

  Humbert Humbert : Edgar Allan Poe, of course. "It was night in the lonesome October, Of my most immemorial year." Notice how he emphasizes this word. "It was hard by the dim lake of Auber, In the misty mid region of Weir" You see, he takes a word like "dim" in one line and twists it. You see? And it comes back as "mid region of Weir."

  Lolita Haze : "Mid region," and twists it to "dim." That's pretty good, pretty clever.

  Humbert Humbert : "Thus I pacified Psyche and kissed her, And conquered her scruples and gloom, And we passed to the end of the vista, But were stopped by the door of a tomb, And I said, 'What is written, sweet sister?' She replied, 'Ulalume, Ulalume."'

  Lolita Haze : Well, I think it's a little corny, to tell you the truth.

  Humbert Humbert : What do you object to?

  Lolita Haze : Well, the "vista-sister," that's like, "Lolita-sweeter."

  Humbert Humbert : That's very true. That's a very acute observation. If you were in my class I would give you an A plus.

• Lolita Haze : You're crazy.

  Humbert Humbert : Why, my darling?

  Lolita Haze : Because, my darling, when my darling mother finds out she's going to divorce you and strangle me.

• Lolita Haze : What happened to your bed? It looks a lot lower.

  Humbert Humbert : Well, the bed collapsed. It's a collapsible bed.

• Lolita Haze : You will promise, won't you?

  Humbert Humbert : Yes, I promise.

  Lolita Haze : Cross your heart and hope to die?

  Humbert Humbert : Cross my heart and hope to die. Cross my heart and hope to die. Cross my heart and hope to die.

• Humbert Humbert : Lolita is attending an excellent school where I hope that she will be persuaded to read other things than comic books and movie romances.

• Humbert Humbert : I don't want you around them. They're nasty-minded boys.

  Lolita Haze : Oh! You're a fine one to talk about someone else's mind.

• Humbert Humbert : I told you no dates!

  Lolita Haze : It wasn't a date.

  Humbert Humbert : It was a date!

  Lolita Haze : It wasn't a date!

  Humbert Humbert : It was a date, Lolita.

  Lolita Haze : It was not a date.

  Humbert Humbert : It was a date!

  Lolita Haze : It wasn't a date.

  Humbert Humbert : Well, whatever you had yesterday, I don't want you to have it again.

• Humbert Humbert : I'm going to ask you something about Michele.

  Lolita Haze : You can't have her. She belongs to a Marine.

  Humbert Humbert : I will ignore that idiotic joke.

• Lolita Haze : You never let me have any fun.

  Humbert Humbert : No fun? You have all the fun in the world! We have fun together, don't we? Whenever you want something, I buy it for you automatically. I take you to concerts, to museums, to movies. I do all the housework! Who does the tidying up? I do! Who does the cooking? I do! You and I, we have lots of fun, don't we, Lolita?

  Lolita Haze : Come here.

• Humbert Humbert : Don't smudge your toenails!

• Dr. Zempf : Has anybody instructed Lolita in the facts of life?

  Humbert Humbert : The facts?

  Dr. Zempf : The facts of life. You see, Lolita is a sweet, little child, but the onset of maturity seems to be giving her a certain amount of trouble.

  Humbert Humbert : I really don't think that this is a fit topic.

  Dr. Zempf : Well, Dr. Humbert, to you she is still the little girl that is cradled in the arms. But, to those boys over there at the Beardsley High, she is a lovely girl, you know with the swing, you know, and the jazz, and she has got the curvatures which they take a lot of notice of.

• Clare Quilty : Hey, you're a sort of bad loser, Captain. I never found a guy who'd sort of pull a gun on me when he lost a game. Didn't anyone ever tell you - it's not really who wins, it's how you play, like the champs. Listen, I don't think I want to play anymore. I wanna get a drink. Gee, I'm just dying for a drink. I'm just dying to have a drinkie.

  Humbert Humbert : You're dying anyway, Quilty.

• Humbert Humbert : You have a maid living in the house?

  Charlotte Haze : Why, monsieur, Ramsdale is not Paris. No, the colored girl comes three times a week. We think we're lucky to get her, but she does do shirts very well.

• Humbert Humbert : You're a very persuasive saleswoman.

  Charlotte Haze : Thank you. What was the decisive factor? My garden?

  Humbert Humbert : I think it was your - cherry pies.

• Jean Farlow : Humbert, when you get to know me better, you'll find I'm extremely broad-minded.

  Humbert Humbert : Oh?

  Jean Farlow : In fact, John and I, we're both broad-minded.

• Charlotte Haze : I hope I didn't keep you waiting too long?

  Humbert Humbert : No, not at all.

  Charlotte Haze : I thought I'd change into something cozier.

  Humbert Humbert : Charming.

  Charlotte Haze : You don't think it's - a little too risqué?

• Humbert Humbert : I wonder if you aren't being too liberal with her?

  Charlotte Haze : Liberal? Oh, you dear man, you dear, sweet, naive man.

  Humbert Humbert : No, I don't think you realize that she's beginning to grow up!

  Charlotte Haze : Of course she's beginning to grow up and it's only natural and healthy that she should take an interest in those fascinating creatures known as: "the opposite sex."

• Humbert Humbert : I have no sense of rhythm.

  Charlotte Haze : I refuse to believe that about you. Rhythm is so basic and it just pours out of you, you simply vibrate rhythm.

• Humbert Humbert : Charlotte, I haven't even had my morning cup of coffee yet.

  Charlotte Haze : You want me to make you some?

  Humbert Humbert : Please do that, like a good little wife.

• Clare Quilty : I sort of get the impression that you want to leave, but you don't like to leave, because, maybe you think I think it looks suspicious, me being a policeman and everything.

  Humbert Humbert : Yes.

  Clare Quilty : Well, you don't have to think that, because I haven't really got a suspicious mind at all. I look suspicious myself. A lot of people think I'm suspicious, especially when I stand around on street corners. One of our boys picked me up the other week. He thought that I was a bit too suspicious standing on the street corner and everything.

• Clare Quilty : I noticed when you was checking in you had a lovely, pretty little girl with you. She was really lovely. As a matter of fact, she wasn't so little, come to think of it. She was a fairly tall little, I mean, taller than little, you know, I mean, but, she was really lovely. I wish I had a lovely, pretty, tall, lovely little girl like that, I mean.

  Humbert Humbert : That was my daughter.

  Clare Quilty : Your daughter? Gee, isn't it great to have a lovely, tall, pretty, small, little daughter like that? It's really wonderful. It's wonderful. I don't have any children or boys or little tall girls.

• Lolita Haze : I have to go to school. What about my education?

  Humbert Humbert : What sort of an education do you think you're getting here? You got a much better education when you were traveling around with me.

• Humbert Humbert : Do you think I wanted to have a blow out?