The Ladykillers (1955)
Herbert Lom: Louis
Photos
Quotes
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[Mrs. Wilberforce has knocked on the door and the Major is about to open it]
Louis : [aside to Harry, mocking Mrs. Wilberforce] "Excuse me, Major Courtney, I wonder if perhaps you'd like some tea?"
Louisa Wilberforce : [addressing the Major as he opens the door] I wonder if perhaps you'd like some tea, Major Courtney?
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Louisa Wilberforce : [Mrs. Wilberforce knocks on the door, and starts pacing in no answer] Oh, oh dear, oh dear. Poor Mr. Robinson.
Louisa Wilberforce : [she knocks again, this time the music stops and Claude opens the door] I'm so sorry, Major Courtney, but I'm afraid General Gordon has bitten Mr. Robinson's finger. Now he's on the top of the cabinet and refuses to come down.
Louis : Mr. Robinson is on top of the cabinet?
Louisa Wilberforce : Oh, no Mr. Harvey. General Gordon. Mr. Lawson, you're the tallest. Do you think you could try to get him down for us?
One-Round : Sure, I'll get 'im, mum.
Louisa Wilberforce : [after One-Round starts down the stairs] Oh, I feel I'm being such a bother.
Louis : How could you possibly think a thing like that?
Louisa Wilberforce : Oh, you *are* kind.
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Louis : [asked to get General Gordon, Mrs. Wilberforce's parrot] I'm not chasing any parrot! I don't care if he's a field marshall!
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Professor Marcus : [after Louis has 'dealt' with the Major on the roof] Well, where is he? Where *is* the Major? Is he up there still?
Harry : No, no, he, uh, he come down.
Professor Marcus : Well bring him here!
Harry : He come down... with the chimney-pot.
Professor Marcus : With the chimney...?
[Harry chuckles]
Professor Marcus : Is he hurt?
Louis : I shouldn't think he felt a thing.
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Louis : [as Mrs. Wilberforce has just discovered the money, with Louis pulling Harry aside] We must get her out of here.
Harry : A snatch?
Louis : Get her into the car.
Louis : [as one of Mrs. Wilberforce's guests arrives] We'll have to take them both. We've got to get away!
Harry : [as two more guests arrive] What do you think we should do? Charter a bus?
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[driving past the police station, they see their case of money sitting in the doorway]
Harry : I don't believe it. I don't *believe* it!
Louis : Shut up.
One-Round : It's just... sitting there... look, couldn't we...?
Professor Marcus : No one, I hope, is going to suggest that we steal it.
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One-Round : [looking blankly at his cello] Are we supposed to make noises with these things? What kind o' noises?
Louis : Who is she?
Professor Marcus : Not "noises," One-Round, *music*!
Louis : I said what does she mean, you...
[Professor Marcus shushes him and turns on the record, dancing a bit to the music]
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[Professor Marcus enters the phone booth right as the phone rings. On the other end, Claude is in another phone booth outside the train station, watching Mrs. Wilberforce collect their trunk]
Professor Marcus : Now, Major, before we start, let's press button A, shall we?... That's better... Major. Ma - Major! I want you to keep calm, speak quietly, and concentrate. Have you got that? Splendid. Mrs. W. should be coming into view just about...
[hums]
Professor Marcus : ... now... Now she's driving away.
[She does, but comes back]
Professor Marcus : . Major, Major, Major
[throws phone book]
Professor Marcus : RELAX! Calm down!
Claude : Back to the station! She's come back to the station!
Louis : [entering phone booth] What's wrong? Major!
Professor Marcus : Louis! Louis!
Louis : Major, tell me what's happening! Major!
Professor Marcus : Louis! Louis, will you mind your own business, please!
Harry : [Harry enters the phone booth too, and One-Round tries to squeeze in with them] Louis! Give us a listen, Louis! Come on, let me hear, will you? I want to hear!
Harry : [to One-Round] Get out! Louis, I want to hear what he says!
Louis : [to One-Round] You get out! Major, tell me what's happening!
Louisa Wilberforce : [coming out of the train station with her umbrella] I'm always leaving it.
Louis : [hearing Professor Marcus laughing] What's she doing?
One-Round : What's going on here?
Professor Marcus : It's all right, it's just that she went back to get her umbrella!
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Louis : This is getting us nowhere! We must do something!
Professor Marcus : Quite right, Mr. Harvey. We've got to tell her. Mrs. Wilberforce, I wanted to spare you this, but I'm afraid the police are after you too.
Harry : Hey, that's right! You're as hot as the rest of us, mum.
Louisa Wilberforce : As hot?
Claude : If they pick her up, there's no saying what they may do to her.
Louisa Wilberforce : Pick me up? Would you mind explaining...
Harry : The job was planned in her house. She carried the lolly for us.
Claude : Oh!
Louisa Wilberforce : Yes, I-I-I know I carried the-the lolly.
Professor Marcus : But she was ignorant of the plan, of course.
Claude : Ignorance, in the sight of the law, is no excuse. Even if we swear that she didn't know what she was doing.
Harry : They'd never believe us.
One-Round : Yeah!
Harry : Humph! Who'd believe anything we said?
Louisa Wilberforce : Oh, but this is ridiculous! Uh? I know the Superintendent! I shall deny any knowledge...
Professor Marcus : She'll... never stand up to it, of course.
Harry : Really? The rubber houses?
Professor Marcus : The rest of her life, sewing mail bags?
Louisa Wilberforce : Mail bags?
Harry : And no one to look after the parrots.
Louisa Wilberforce : Oh!
Professor Marcus : We won't let them get you, Mrs. Wilberforce!
Louis : Why not? What's she ever done for us? If they get her, I'll tell them she planned the job. I'll tell them she planned the big one.
Louisa Wilberforce : Oh!
Louis : The Eastcastle Street job.
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Louis : [Professor Marcus and Louis Harvey are holding the late Harry Robinson by his feet, waiting for the train to pass so they can drop him in and thereby, dispose of him] Look, uh, I make a proposition to you. I'll take care of him if you take care of her. That's a straight 50-50 split, huh?
Professor Marcus : No, no.
[short laugh]
Professor Marcus : I would rather it was the other way about. Let me have One-Round, you take care of Mrs. W.
Louis : [the train is coming] Wait.
One-Round : [the train is passing and in the midst of the smoke, they dispose of Harry] Guess who's next.
[One Round Lawson points a gun at them]
Louis : [They both turn around to see One-Round holding the gun at them] Wait a minute, One-Round. Don't shoot, don't shoot! Don't shoot. Look. We can make a deal. You'll never get away by yourself. I'll help you. Do him. He's the one who got you into this. Do him.
One-Round : I heard ya, both of ya. I been standing here all the time. Sure, you two were gonna put me on the train. And all the time you been telling me how stupid I am. Okay. So who looks stupid now, eh?
Louis : [One-Round tries to shoot them, but nothing happens. He looks down and knows something is wrong, but keeps trying to fire at them. Soon, the smoke from a passing train envelops him. When the smoke finally clears, Louis Harvey rises from bottom holding One-Round's gun] The safety catch was on.
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Professor Marcus : [Professor Marcus and his gang are discussing how to do away with Mrs. Wilberforce] It ought to look like an accident.
Harry : How about suicide?
Claude : What do you mean?
Harry : Well, get her to write a note, you know. "I just couldn't stand it no more. Signed, Mrs. Wilberforce." And then somebody goes down and hangs her. Hmm?
Louis : Very funny.
Harry : You got a better idea?
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Louis : There's just something about old ladies. I can't... I can't stand them.
