- Demi Armendez: [in the water with Patti, thinking she can't swim, as she struggles to just get away] She's hysterical!
- Valerie Stresemann: [from the canoe] Hold her. I'll hit her with the paddle.
- Patti Robinson: I'm an iceberg. Not that I'm cold, mind you, but only one fifth of me appears above the surface.
- Billy Finlay: When I served dinner last night, your mother asked me to ask your father to ask your brother to pass the gravy.
- Horatio Robinson: Children, I wanna ask you something.
- McCormick Robinson: [With Ricky, in unison] We didn't do it, Papa, honest.
- Horatio Robinson: Didn't do what?
- McCormick Robinson: Whatever it was.
- Katherine Robinson: Why, there's Patti. And that's my best dress.
- Horatio Robinson: [to McCormick] Tell Mama, it was.
- McCormick Robinson: [to Ricky] It was.
- Ricky Robinson: [to Katherine] It was.
- Melba Robinson: Of all the gooses.
- Patti Robinson: Geeses.
- [sic]
- Melba Robinson: Letting that vamp walk off with him. And what was the idea of telling him you couldn't swim?
- Patti Robinson: It wasn't my idea. It was Val... . Oh!
- Melba Robinson: Sometimes I wonder what Billy sees in you.
- Horatio Robinson: I won't have my daughter a laughing stock. It's high time I took charge of the welfare of this family. My girls are dressed like babies. My boys are dressed like girls.
- Valerie Stresemann: [Telling Patti of a big play she was in] You see, I die... in the prologue.
- Melba Robinson: Someone in the audience shoot you?
- Katherine Robinson: Things seem so tragic at your age. But in a few years you'll look back and laugh at the whole thing.
- Patti Robinson: Laugh? How can a mother say such a thing to her daughter?
- Mr. Finlay: Imagine, one kiss causing such complete paralysis.
- Horatio Robinson: Mind your own business.
- Horatio Robinson: [Pointing to Billy] You buy that man some pants.
- Patti Robinson: I guess there's nothing left for me to do but become a missionary.
- Druggist: [as he serves her strawberry soda] Well, you wouldn't wanna do that on an empty stomach. Try this.
- Patti Robinson: It's all because Mama won't let me grow up. She won't let the way I look outside catch up with the way I feel inside.
- Patti Robinson: Oh, Melba, dear. Why don't you go and see what we're going to have for dinner.
- Melba Robinson: I already know - sauerkraut and pig's knuckles.
- Horatio Robinson: [Helping wife Katherine lace her corset] All right, Katie. One, two, three, inhale. There! Every summer it gets a little more difficult. Oh, not that you're gaining weight, my dear. It's that I'm losing muscle.
- Horatio Robinson: I don't think you know anything about bringing up my children.
- Katherine Robinson: Oh, you don't?
- Horatio Robinson: No!
- Katherine Robinson: I suppose that little redhead could've done better.
- Horatio Robinson: What little redhead?
- Katherine Robinson: So! There was more than one!