Malice in the Palace (1949)
Moe Howard: Moe
Photos
Quotes
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Moe : [to Hassen Ben Soba and Ginna Rumma] What'll you have?
Hassan Ben Soba : We want...
Moe : [cutting him off] We don't have any more.
Larry : All we got left are rabbit and hot dogs.
Hassan Ben Soba : Rabbit.
Ginna Rumma : Hot dogs.
Larry : Hot dog, they'll take rabbit.
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Hassan Ben Soba : [to Shemp, getting up and pointing to his chair] Sit down!
Shemp : Oh, but I'm not tired, I'll just stand while you eat.
Hassan Ben Soba : [pulls out his dagger] Sit down with your hands on or off!
Moe : Y-you talked us into it.
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Guard outside palace : Hark! Who goes there?
Moe, Larry and Shemp (together) : Santa Claus!
Guard outside palace : Ah, there ain't no Santa Claus.
Shemp : [as all three of them get out and open their bag] Oh, yes, there is, and we've got a present for you.
Guard outside palace : You have?
Moe : Yeah, right here!
[hits the guard over the head and he falls into the bag unconscious]
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Moe : Hey, spinach chin, do you mean to tell me that you're only a doorman?
Hassan Ben Soba : [tearfully] Yes!
Shemp : Well, there's the door, man.
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Hassan Ben Soba : I am Hassan Ben Soba.
Shemp : I had a few too many myself.
[chuckles]
Moe : Quiet!
[throws a handful of spaghetti in Shemp's face]
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Moe : There's only one 100-carat diamond, and it comes from Rootin Tootin's Tomb.
Shemp : That's government property.
Moe : Right, and if we return it, we'll get a big reward.
Larry : Yeah! Maybe fifty-thousand bucks. Boy, with that kind of money, we could rent a one-room apartment in Hollywood... maybe.
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Moe : [after showing us the map briefly, he narrates while pointing and tracing with one of the daggers] We start here at Jerkola, down the Insane River, over the Giva Dam, through Pushover, across Schmowland, to the Stronghold of Schmow.
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Ginna Rumma : [after Shemp knocks a plate of spaghetti on him] Take this off! Take this off!
Moe : [cleaning off Hasan Ben Soba] Now, take it easy. We'll have you all fixed up in a minute. What's this?
[pulling out a cupcake with a lit candle]
Moe : Oh, happy birthday!
Shemp : [handing Ginna a plate] Hold this.
[taking out a pair of scissors]
Shemp : Just a minute, I'll take it right off. I would leave it on. People don't know if you're coming or going with this on.
[cutting the spagetti like a barber]
Shemp : There you are, sir. You look very pretty, and the spaghetti is as good as new.
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Shemp : [cleaning up Ginna Rumma, who has a bowl of spaghetti noodles over his face] Hold this. Just a minute, I'll take it right off. I would leave it on; people don't know if you're coming or going with this on.
Shemp : [trims the spaghetti away from Ginna Rumma's face] There you are, sir. You look very pretty, and the spaghetti is as good as new.
Ginna Rumma : Why, you...!
[draws a dagger, preparing to attack Shemp]
Shemp : Whoa! Whoa, whoa...
Hassan Ben Soba : Dog of dogs! How dare you!
[draws out a dagger]
Larry : A thousand pardons! It was unavoidable!
Moe : Wait a minute! Wait a minute! This would degrade you.
Hassan Ben Soba : It's true; I am an aristocrat! I am Hassan ben Sobar!
Shemp : I had a few too many myself!
[laughs; Moe throws spaghetti at Shemp's face]
Moe : Quiet! We gotta clean up this mess!
