Lou Costello: Wilbur Gray
Photos
Quotes
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Chick Young : What's the matter?
Larry Talbot : I know you'll think I'm crazy, but... in a half-an-hour the moon will rise and I'll turn into a wolf.
Wilbur Grey : You and 20 million other guys!
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Wilbur Grey : And another thing Mr. Chick Young! The next time I tell you that I saw something when I saw it, you believe me that I saw it!
Chick Young : Oh relax. Now that we've seen the last of Dracula, the Wolf Man, and the Monster, there's nobody to frighten us anymore.
Invisible Man : Oh, that's too bad. I was hoping to get in on the excitement.
Chick Young : Who said that?
Invisible Man : Allow me to introduce myself. I'm the Invisible Man.
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Wilbur Grey : Well that's gonna cost you overtime because I'm a union man and I work only sixteen hours a day.
McDougal : A union man only works eight hours a day.
Wilbur Grey : I belong to two unions.
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Chick Young : I know there's no such person as Dracula. You know there's no such person as Dracula.
Wilbur Grey : But does Dracula know it?
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Chick Young : You're making enough noise to wake up the dead!
Wilbur Grey : I don't have to wake him up. He's up.
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Chick Young : You still want your exhibits?
McDougal : Of course I do.
Wilbur Grey : Here comes one of 'em now!
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Chick Young : What I'd like to know is, what does he got they I haven't got?
Dr. Sandra Mornay : A brain.
Wilbur : [flattered] Oh, a brain.
Chick Young : I'd like to know where it is.
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Chick Young : Get up on your feet. It's only a dummy
Wilbur Grey : Dummy nothin'. It was smart enough to scare me.
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McDougal : My name's McDougal, now where are my shipments?
Wilbur Grey : McDougal? I just got off the phone with you in London, how'd you get here so fast, did you shoot out of a cannon?
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Wilbur Grey : I've had this brain for thirty years. It hasn't done me any good!
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Wilbur Grey : AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!
Wilbur Grey : Who screamed?
Chick Young : You did.
Chick Young : [amused] I did?
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Joan Raymond : Oh Wilbur, can't we both come along too?
Wilbur Grey : Yes, mon amour.
Wilbur Grey : That's Spanish.
Chick Young : That's French.
Wilbur Grey : How do you like that, I speak French too.
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Wilbur Grey : I've got a date. In fact I've got two dates.
Larry Talbot : But you and I 'have a date with destiny'.
Wilbur Grey : Let Chick go with Destiny.
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Larry Talbot : So! We meet again, Count Dracula.
Dracula : Dracula?
Wilbur Grey : Yes. That's who he says you are.
Dracula : Oh. My costume perhaps?
Chick Young : [jokingly] No. Talbot here thinks you're the real thing.
Wilbur Grey : Uh-huh. Right out of McDougal's House of Horrors.
Dracula : What an odd hallucination. But, the human mind is often inflamed with strange complexes. I suggest you consult your physician, Mr. Talbot.
Chick Young : [referring to Wilbur] And take him along with you, please.
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[Trying to evade the monster, Wilbur puts on a black cloak over his face]
Wilbur Grey : [imitating Dracula] Back! Back!
The Monster : Yes, master.
Wilbur Grey : [takes off cloak and turns to Chuck] He thinks I'm Dracula!
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Wilbur Grey : [Larry Talbot's called about Mr. McDougal's packages and is turning into the wolf, growling and snarling] Mr. McDougal, will you stop gargling your throat?
[growling continues]
Wilbur Grey : Hey, you're gonna have to get your dog away from the phone, I can't hear a word you're saying.
[growling and snarling continues]
Wilbur Grey : You're awful silly to call me all the way from London just to have your dog talk to me.
[hears the snarling and barks in response]
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Dr. Sandra Mornay : Look into my eyes!
[Wilbur looks into her eyes and sees two bats flapping their wings]
Dr. Sandra Mornay : Don't you know what's going to happen now?
Wilbur Grey : I'll bite.
Dr. Sandra Mornay : No, I will.
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Wilbur Grey : You know that person you said there's no such person? I think he's in there... in person. I was reading this sign over here, Dracula's Legend. All of a sudden I heard...
[Wilbur imitates a creaking noise]
Chick Young : That's the wind.
Wilbur Grey : It should get oiled.
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Wilbur Grey : Look, now you've got two dates. What about Sandra, you bigamist?
Chick Young : Sandra? I don't know. Joan is awful cute.
Wilbur Grey : All right. You take Joan and I'll take Sandra.
Chick Young : Oh, Sandra sends me.
Wilbur Grey : Well then I'll take Joan.
Chick Young : Joan sends me too.
Wilbur Grey : Now listen, you sawed-off Romeo. In a minute, I'll send you!
Chick Young : You don't even appeal to me.
Wilbur Grey : Look, Wilbur, we've always been pals, haven't we?
Chick Young : Oh, yes.
Wilbur Grey : We've always shared and shared alike, haven't we?
Chick Young : Mm-hmm.
Wilbur Grey : Well, now look. Let's be reasonable. Come on.
Chick Young : I've always shared with you.
Wilbur Grey : That you have!
Chick Young : If I had two cigarettes, I'd give you one.
Wilbur Grey : That's right.
Chick Young : And if I had two pairs of shoes, I'd give you a pair.
Wilbur Grey : Don't I know that?
Chick Young : And if I have two girls...
Wilbur Grey : [Interrupting and stuttering] Well?
Chick Young : Why don't you light that cigarette, put on those shoes and take a walk for yourself?
Wilbur Grey : That's just what I'm gonna do, but with you.
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Chick Young : I don't get it. Out of all the guys around here that classy dish has to pick out a guy like you.
Wilbur Grey : What's wrong with that?
Chick Young : Go look at yourself in the mirror sometime.
Wilbur Grey : Why should I hurt my own feelings?
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Wilbur Grey : Mr. Talbot, and I thought you were such a nice man too. Look at you, you're a mess.
Larry Talbot : Last night I went through another one of my horrible experiences. Many years ago I was bitten by a werewolf. Now, whenever the full moon rises I turn into a wolf myself.
Wilbur Grey : Oh pal. That's all right; I'm sort of a wolf myself.
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Larry Talbot : I know you'll think I'm crazy, but in a half an hour the moon will rise and I'll turn into a wolf.
Wilbur : You and twenty million other guys.
Larry Talbot : [slamming Wilbur into a locker with Chick going in behind him] Listen! I might tear you limb from limb!
Wilbur : [turning to Chick in the locker] Is that serious?
Chick Young : He'll murder ya!
Wilbur : [turns to Talbot] That's serious.
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Chick Young : People pay McDougal cash to come in here and get scared.
Wilbur Grey : I'm cheatin' him. I'm gettin' scared for nothin'.
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Chick Young : I'm going out to get the other crate. And no back talk!
Wilbur Grey : I've got just two words to say to you.
Chick Young : What is that?
Wilbur Grey : Hurry back.
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Larry Talbot : Soon the moon will rise. I've taken the room across the hall; here's the key, lock me in.
Wilbur Grey : Lock you in?
Larry Talbot : Yes, please. Hurry.
[to Chick]
Wilbur Grey : He's scared too.
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Chick Young : You know the old saying? Everything comes in threes. Now suppose a third girl should fall in love with you?
Wilbur Grey : What's her name?
Chick Young : We'll say her name is Mary.
Wilbur Grey : Is she pretty?
Chick Young : Beautiful!
Wilbur Grey : Naturally, she'd have to be.
Chick Young : Now you have Mary, you have Joan, and you have Sandra. So, to prove to you that I'm your pal, your bosom friend, I'll take one of the girls off your hands.
Wilbur Grey : Chick, you're what I call a real pal... you take Mary.
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Larry Talbot : I just got a line on Dracula and the Monster. A certain Dr. Lajos has been receiving a lot of electrical equipment - just the type necessary to revive the Monster.
Wilbur Grey : So what? I'm way out on an island. I got my own problems.
Larry Talbot : Yes, but listen... I believe you're in the house of Dracula right now!
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Chick Young : [the phone rings] Answer that phone.
[a lady rings the bell for service]
Chick Young : Answer the bell.
[the phone rings again]
Chick Young : Answer the phone!
Wilbur Grey : Which one do you want me to answer first?
Chick Young : Both of them!
Wilbur Grey : [mocks him] Both of them! Both of them!
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Wilbur Grey : [whispering] Hey, will you please stop yelling. Come here.
[continues whispering]
Wilbur Grey : Don't you know it's impolite to raise your voice?
[screams]
Wilbur Grey : Oh Chick!
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[Wilbur answers the door and Joan kisses him]
Wilbur Grey : Oh, oh...
Chick Young : Now who is this?
Wilbur Grey : She's, she's beautiful.
Joan Raymond : I'm Joan Raymond.
Wilbur Grey : [shrugging] She's Joan Raymond.
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Wilbur Grey : [Chick calls Wilbur from across the room] Miss Raymond, will you excuse me.
[looking at himself in the mirror]
Wilbur Grey : Oh you irresistible boy.
Wilbur Grey : [to Chick] You want me.
Chick Young : [grabs Wilbur and pulls him towards the window] Yes I want you. Come over here. I just wanted to get a good look at you in the light.
Chick Young : I still don't get it.
Wilbur Grey : Jealous?
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Wilbur Grey : Oh, boy! I'm floatin' on a cloud of love!
Chick Young : Listen, you little blimp! I'll let the air out of you in a minute if you don't give me a hand.
[slams a bag into Wilbur's head]
Chick Young : Ya understand that?
Wilbur Grey : Thank You.
Chick Young : Boy, is this kid lost!
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Wilbur : You can have Sandra but make sure you get plenty of bandages.
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Dr. Sandra Mornay : Don't you know what's going to happen now?
Wilbur Grey : I'll bite.
Dr. Sandra Mornay : Oh, no. I will.
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Wilbur Grey : Dracula is Dracula. And Sandra's gonna use my brain to make a bigger dummy out of the other dummy.
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Chick Young : Now listen, Talbot. Enough is enough. Now Wilbur's scared to death. Hello? Hello? He's gone.
Wilbur : So am I.
Chick Young : No you don't come here. I'm gonna settle this thing once and for all. We'll search this place.
Wilbur : Look Chick, it's a little past sunset and if Dracula is here he's gonna be wanting breakfast, and I'm fatter than you, and it ain't gonna be me.
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Chick Young : [reading exhibit card] "Frankenstein gave the Monster eternal life by shooting it full of electricity. Some people claim it is not dead even now, just dormant."
[laughs to Wilbur]
Chick Young : Now, who would be silly enough to believe that?
[laughs more]
Wilbur Grey : [joins in laughter] Who WOULD be silly enough to believe that?
[more laughter as he beckons Chick closer, then says, worried]
Wilbur Grey : ... Me!
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Dr. Sandra Mornay : That girl, who is he?
Wilbur Grey : Um, hmm... hmm... uh... sh... she's chick's date. She's going to the masquerade with us.
Dr. Sandra Mornay : But I told you to come alone. I'll have to get rid of her.
Wilbur Grey : I'll have to get rid of somebody.
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Wilbur Grey : You got the best looking one.
Chick Young : So what?
Wilbur Grey : Yours had teeth.
Chick Young : Look, Wilbur, yours had teeth too.
Wilbur Grey : Did you see that tooth?
Chick Young : Yes I happened to see it.
Wilbur Grey : Mine had so much bridge work, every time I kissed her I had to pay toll.
