The Bank Dick (1940)

W.C. Fields: Egbert Sousé

Photos 

Quotes 

• Egbert Sousé : [at the bar of the Black Pussy Cat cafe]  Was I in here last night and did I spend a twenty dollar bill?

  Joe Guelpe : Yeah.

  Egbert Sousé : Oh boy, what a load that is off my mind! I thought I'd lost it.

• Egbert Sousé : Lompoc is noted for it's beautiful girls. I imagine you've noticed them.

  J. Pinkerton Snoopington : Yes. Yes I have. I'm a married man with a grown daughter - eighteen years of age.

  Egbert Sousé : Oh, I'd like to met her. I'm very fond of children. Girl children, around eighteen and twenty.

• Egbert Sousé : Ten cents a share. Telephone sold for five cents a share. How would you like something better for ten cents a share? If five gets ya ten, ten'll get ya twenty. A beautiful home in the country, upstairs and down. Beer flowing through the estate over your grandmother's paisley shawl.

  Og Oggilby : Beer?

  Egbert Sousé : Beer! Fishing in the stream that runs under the aboreal dell. A man comes up from the bar, dumps $3,500 in your lap for every nickel invested. Says to you, "Sign here on the dotted line." And then disappears in the waving fields of alfalfa.

• Egbert Sousé : My uncle, a balloon ascensionist, Effingham Hoofnagle, took a chance. He was three miles and a half up in the air. He jumped out of the basket of the balloon and took a chance of alighting on a load of hay.

  Og Oggilby : Golly! Did he make it?

  Egbert Sousé : Uh... no. He didn't. Had he been a younger man, he probably would have made it. That's the point. Don't wait too long in life.

• Egbert Sousé : Don't be a luddy-duddy! Don't be a mooncalf! Don't be a jabbernowl! You're not those, are you?

• Og Oggilby : Oh... I knew this would happen! I was a perfect idiot to ever listen to you!

  Egbert Sousé : You listen to me, Og! There's nothing in this world that is perfect.

• Egbert Sousé : Og Oggilby... sounds like a bubble in a bathtub!

• J. Frothingham Waterbury : Gosh!... Oh, pardon my language.

  Egbert Sousé : That's okay. I swear sometimes myself.

• Egbert Sousé : The jockey was a very insulting fellow. He referred to my proboscis as an adscititious excrescence. I had to tweak his nose.

• Egbert Sousé : Did you warble my little wren?

• Egbert Sousé : Is that gun loaded?

  Mother in bank : Certainly not! But I think you are!

• Egbert Sousé : There was an article in there telling how I apprehended a couple of crooks. Who stole two million dollars - from Skinner's Lompoc Bank.

  Mrs. Hermisillo Brunch : You would! Skinner's Lompoc Bank. Thems the shylocks that's got the mortgage on this house, ain't they? Haunting you from morning to night - the old pinch pennies! I'm sorry they didn't get away with the bag. Leave it to him. He would do a thing like that.

• Mr. Skinner : I've been in consultation with our Director and we've decided that what has been needed in this bank for a long time is a special officer. Or, to refer to the argot of the underworld, a bank dick. In lieu of your heroism, your valiant, dauntless courage, I have the honor to offer you this position. The remuneration at first will be very small - we're a growing concern. We're young. But, there are a great many chances for advancement. Who knows? Within a short time, you may become my Vice President. My first and only vice.

  [they both laugh] 

  Egbert Sousé : Very good. What time in the morning?

  Mr. Skinner : The bank opens at ten o'clock.

  Egbert Sousé : Oh, well, that's all right. If I'm not here on time, just go right ahead without me. I'll catch up with ya.

• Egbert Sousé : This town has an altitude of 500 feet. Population is 4,500. Schools. Churches. Public Library. Three blocks of paved streets. Two trains a day - not counting the milk train that goes through at four o'clock in the morning. We have three drug stores - one actually sells medicine.

  J. Pinkerton Snoopington : Stop. I'm dying. Could you direct me to a culvert.

  Egbert Sousé : Why don't you wait to get up to the hotel. Its only six blocks. We pass the Spanish-Americo Chili Parlor on the way up.

• Egbert Sousé : [during the car chase]  The resale value of this car is going to be nil after this trip.

• Egbert Sousé : [Demonstrating cigarette tricks]  I'll teach you when you grow up. I never smoked a cigarette until I was nine.

• Egbert Sousé : I have a young daughter, marriageable age; also a small daughter; a nice wife and a mother-in-law that loves me like her own son.

• Egbert Sousé : Hello, Doc. How are ya? How's business?

  Doctor Stall : Oh, fair, fair. I don't suppose we'll ever get another whooping cough epidemic again.

• Egbert Sousé : Hi, Toots!

• Elsie Mae Adele Brunch Sousé : What's the matter, Pop? Don't you love me?

  Egbert Sousé : [raising his hand in anger]  Certainly I love you!

  Agatha Sousé : Don't you dare strike that child!

  Egbert Sousé : She's not gonna tell ME I don't love her.

• J. Pinkerton Snoopington : [in the Black Pussy Cat Cafe]  Can't we, eh, pull the shade?

  Egbert Sousé : You can pull anything you want in here. It's a regular joint.

• Egbert Sousé : Ever done any boondoggling?

• Egbert Sousé : Ah, the Black Pussy Cafe and Snackbar... How would you like to go in and have a little spot?

  J. Pinkerton Snoopington : No, I never drink during the business hours. Thank you.

  Egbert Sousé : Just a little spot and we'll find out how Gumlegs came out at Del Mar today.

  J. Pinkerton Snoopington : This-a, this place isn't crowded, is it?

  Egbert Sousé : No, if it wasn't for me the place would starve to death.

  J. Pinkerton Snoopington : Well, I'll dawdled for about ten minutes.

  Egbert Sousé : Okay, we'll dawdle together.

• Egbert Sousé : I have a half interest in a cod liver oil mine down in Cape Cod. Snowed all winter. We did a lot of boondoggling. Did you ever boondoggle, Joe?

• Egbert Sousé : Boy, you're headin' right down my alley. In the old Sennett days, I used to direct Fatty Arbuckle, Charlie Chaplin, Buster Keaton, and the rest of 'em. Can't get the celluloid outta my blood. At nights I used to tend bar.

• Egbert Sousé : We're making motion picture history here.

• Egbert Sousé : I don't hang around that Black Pussy Cafe for nothin'.

• Egbert Sousé : Hello, Snoopy, old boy! How do you feel?

  J. Pinkerton Snoopington : Oh, I feel as though I've been poisoned.

• Egbert Sousé : Now, leave everything to me. I'll do the worry. Be happy! Gay! I'll have the management send you up a radio. Come on, Doc, we better be going. Toodle-oo.

• Mr. Skinner : We are grateful to you for retrieving the bank's funds.

  Egbert Sousé : Oh, well, that was in the line of duty.

  Mr. Skinner : And we feel we've shown our gratitude by giving you a position as bank's officer. But, when you caution Mrs. Muttle's little son, about carrying a toy pistol into the bank, that's going too far. I can not impress upon you too firmly, the Skinner Bank is a dignified institution.

  Egbert Sousé : Yeah, that's the way I always figured it, yes.

  [he turns his attention to the pretty stenographer in the room] 

  Egbert Sousé : I guess you figured it the same way, working here the same as I do.

  Mr. Skinner : Furthermore, I've been informed that you are a frequenter of a cafe known as the Black Pussy.

• Egbert Sousé : Would you like to examine the books at the Black Pussy - eh - Cafe?

• Egbert Sousé : [to bank robber, after narrowly missing the police during a car chase]  Seems to be a great deal of traffic here for a country road. Don't you think?

• Black man withdrawing money from bank : [Talking to the bank teller; Egbert Sousé is standing behind him in line]  I wanna draw my money outta the bank.

  Bank Employee : You're not gonna close your account with us, are ya?

  Black man withdrawing money from bank : I sure is.

  Bank Employee : Is there any particular reason?

  Black man withdrawing money from bank : Yessir. I'm scared. Every time I come in here, you've got your hat on. Look like you're ready to take off. It keeps me nervous.

  Bank Employee : I just wear this hat on account of hay fever.

  [He sneezes; the Black man ducks to avoid being hit by projectile nose-goo, which hits Egbert Sousé in the eye] 

  Bank Employee : Excuse me.

  Egbert Sousé : [Wiping his face]  That's all right. I hadn't any right standing in front of the hole!