Room Service (1938)

Groucho Marx: Gordon Miller

Photos 

Quotes 

• Gordon Miller : [Seeing Harpo, taking his coat off, with no shirt under]  I see he comes prepared.

  Harry Binelli : No, he doesn't believe in shirts!

  Gordon Miller : Ah, he's an atheist!

• Gordon Miller : Shhh. Money.

• Hilda Manny : If I don't come back you'll know it's good news.

  Gordon Miller : And if you do come back bring four bottles of poison.

• Gordon Miller : Too soon, too soon, he died too soon.

  Harry Binelli : An hour too soon.

• Leo Davis : Gee, I-I-I don't know whether I can keep it up for two and a half hours.

  Gordon Miller : It's all right. We'll help you.

• Harry Binelli : Hurry up, before they come back. And, groan, groan, stagger about and don't die too soon! You must take your time. And you mustn't die before 11 o'clock.

  Leo Davis : Don't you worry! I'll give you the best performance you ever saw in a hotel bedroom!

  Gordon Miller : That's the spirit! Good luck, Davis. Drop dead!

• Leo Davis : Oh, but you see, I've left home for good. I've burned my bridges behind me.

  Gordon Miller : I see. But, you could go back if you wanted to.

  Leo Davis : My mother seemed very happy when I left.

  Gordon Miller : Only a mother's mask. At this moment, she may be sitting at the fireside, wringing her hands.

  Leo Davis : Oh, we have no fireside.

  Gordon Miller : You have no fireside? How do you listen to the President's speeches?

• Gordon Miller : Wait a minute, suppose one of us got sick?

  Harry Binelli : That's the idea! They can't pull a sick man out, it's against the law.

  Gordon Miller : Remember, I had kidney trouble at the Astor and gallstones at the Plaza.

  Harry Binelli : Oh, those were the happy days!

• Gordon Miller : Might lead to a Hollywood contract.

  Sasha : Hollywood! Oh, gentlemen, you are singing music in my ears. I, but, if Mr. Wagner finds out?

  Gordon Miller : Think of the other Russians who made good in the same way, Gregory Ratoff... Ginger Rogersvitz...

• Gordon Miller : [Disapprovingly]  Love! He talks just like one of the characters in his play.

  Harry Binelli : I don't know. I like-a love.

  Gordon Miller : I like it too; but, there's a time and place for everything.

  Harry Binelli : I like it anytime.

• Gregory Wagner : Miller! How did that meal get here?

  Gordon Miller : Eh, Dr. Glass ordered it for the patient.

  Dr. Glass : Dr. Glass did nothing of the kind!

  Gordon Miller : Say, I refuse to argue with a House Dick.

  Dr. Glass : I'm not a Dick, I'm a Doctor. Doctor Glass.

• Harry Binelli : [Faker staggers into the room, carrying all of his belongings. He pantomimes to Binelli]  How do you like-a that? Just-a because he owes six months' rent they throw-a him outta his place!

  Gordon Miller : Well, six dollars is six dollars!

• [first lines] 

  Gordon Miller : [pulls newspaper down]  Well, what do you want? Can't a man have a little privacy around here?

  Sasha : The check, Mr. Miller.

  Gordon Miller : Oh, the check... Is this check any good?

  Sasha : Why, uh... yes, sir.

  Gordon Miller : Well, we'll soon find out. There you are.

  [signs the check] 

  Sasha : Thank you.

  Gordon Miller : Don't give me any of that 'thank you' stuff.

  Sasha : Mr. Miller, many times I have seen your company rehearsing on the 19th floor. Please, I would like to play the part of the Polish miner.

  Gordon Miller : My advice to you is to stay where you are. Most actors would be tickled to death to get as close to a lamb chop as you, and I do mean ewe.

• Joseph Gribble : [Miller and Gribble leave the elevator]  Gordon, I'm in a terrible spot: Mr. Wagner, the supervising director, is downstairs now inspecting the books!

  Gordon Miller : Wagner? I thought he wasn't coming for another two months!

  Joseph Gribble : [Miller enters his hotel room, followed by Gribble]  He walked in on me unexpectedly! He'll discover your bill any minute: $1,200 worth of credit to a shoestring producer! How will I explain it? If he finds out you're my brother-in-law, it'll cost me my job!

  Gordon Miller : [apologetically]  It was a business proposition! In return for a little credit to me and 22 of my actors, I gave you a 10% interest in the show.

  Gordon Miller : [cheerily]  Don't forget, you begged to get in on the ground floor.

  Joseph Gribble : You mean, I was railroaded into it by you and Flossie!

  Gordon Miller : [indignantly]  You do me a favor and kindly keep your wife's name out of this! Do you realize, you're talking about the woman you love?

  Gordon Miller : [his mood lightens]  And besides, she happens to be my sister... on my mother's side.

• Harry Binelli : [enters the room]  Hello boss, ha ha! The rehearsal, she's a wonder!

  Gordon Miller : Hello, Binelli.

  Harry Binelli : Yes sirree, it's-a wonderful! I still think it's a terrible play, but it makes a wonderful rehearsal. Hello, room service.

  [picks up the phone] 

  Christine Marlowe : Just a minute, Binelli, you can't eat here anymore!

  Gordon Miller : Well, there's only one thing to do, Joe: I'll have to scram!

  Christine Marlowe : Gordon, I can't let you skip! You have to leave your luggage!

  Gordon Miller : All right, I'll leave my luggage. But we can wear a lot of clothes. Hey, Binelli, put on three of my suits.

  Harry Binelli : [Gordon and Gribble chatter in the background; Binelli uses the phone]  Give me room 1922. Faker? Here we go again. Come on down, give us a hand.

  Gordon Miller : Look, you don't want 22 people skipping all in one day, do you, Joe?

  Christine Marlowe : Of course not, but I...

  Gordon Miller : Honestly, Joe, their bills are charged to me, so they can't be held responsible. Now the minute I'm out, we'll have the whole cast re-register under their own names. And starting from today, instead of one big bill, you'll have 22 little ones.

  Harry Binelli : [on the phone]  Hello? Joe, it's for you.

  Christine Marlowe : [picks up the phone]  Hello? Oh... oh yes, Mr. Wagner, I'll be right down.

  Gordon Miller : I'll be out of here in 15 minutes.

  [Joe hangs up the phone] 

  Christine Marlowe : 17 years in the hotel business, and I have to pull a stunt like this!

  [Joe leaves the room] 

• Gordon Miller : Mr. Wagner, I demand that you reopen all those rooms on the 19th floor. The occupants are my guests, and I'm responsible for their bills.

  Gregory Wagner : And who's responsible for yours?

• Gordon Miller : Now you go down and tell Wagner if he doesn't behave himself, I'll buy this hotel and make him a bellhop. No, that's too good for him, I'll make him a guest!