Criminal Remakes and Reboots
A list of movies where those involved should be imprisoned for vandalism and criminally awful movie making skills.
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- DirectorHarold RamisStarsBrendan FraserElizabeth HurleyFrances O'ConnorHopeless dweeb Elliot Richards is granted seven wishes by the Devil to snare Allison, the girl of his dreams, in exchange for his soul.Whaaaat..... unbelievable, this is by far the worst crime committed in Hollywood. Whoever made this should be imprisoned and forced to watch the original until they realise just what they've done.
- DirectorMatthijs van Heijningen Jr.StarsMary Elizabeth WinsteadJoel EdgertonUlrich ThomsenAt an Antarctica research site, the discovery of an alien craft leads to a confrontation between graduate student Kate Lloyd and scientist Dr. Sander Halvorson.What was the point of this?
- DirectorLen WisemanStarsColin FarrellBokeem WoodbineBryan CranstonA factory worker, Douglas Quaid, begins to suspect that he is a spy after visiting Rekall - a company that provides its clients with implanted fake memories of a life they would like to have led - goes wrong and he finds himself on the run.Did they read the book? Philip K Dick was a god, no one can improve his stories by tossing them in the bin and then writing a screenplay based on the ingredients list of a box of cornflakes.
- DirectorPete TravisStarsKarl UrbanOlivia ThirlbyLena HeadeyIn a violent, futuristic city where the police have the authority to act as judge, jury and executioner, a cop teams with a trainee to take down a gang that deals the reality-altering drug, SLO-MO.Barrel, bottom, scraping. There are so many great books waiting for a movie version. Are there any movie executives who haven't had their brain replaced with a turnip?
1.Rendezvous with Rama
2.Foundation
3.Ringworld
4.Inconstant Moon - DirectorScott DerricksonStarsKeanu ReevesJennifer ConnellyKathy BatesA remake of the 1951 classic science fiction film about an alien visitor and his giant robot counterpart who visit Earth.Nothing personal, but those responsible for this should have their genitals dipped in custard and expelled into space.
- DirectorJohn MooreStarsDennis QuaidMiranda OttoGiovanni RibisiSurvivors of a plane crash in the Mongolian desert work together to build a new plane.Whatever......
- DirectorCraig GillespieStarsAnton YelchinColin FarrellDavid Tennant"Fright Night" - A new neighbor moves in next to Charley, who discovers that he is an ancient vampire who preys on the community. Can he save his neighborhood from the creature with the help of the famous "vampire killer", Peter Vincent?Speechless.......utter poo
- DirectorJan de BontStarsLiam NeesonCatherine Zeta-JonesOwen WilsonDr Marrow enlists Theo, Luke and Nell for a study of sleep disorders at the Hill House. As soon as the terrifying truth about the mansion is revealed, everyone is found fighting for their lives.Criminal crap about as scary as a stale biscuit. The original is the scariest movie.....EVER
- DirectorJason WinerStarsRussell BrandHelen MirrenJennifer GarnerA drunken playboy stands to lose a wealthy inheritance when he falls for a woman his family doesn't like.I hope the ghost of Dudley Moore never sees this travesty. Russell Brand is an obnoxious talentless arse.
- DirectorKimberly PeirceStarsChloë Grace MoretzJulianne MooreGabriella WildeA shy girl, outcast by her peers and sheltered by her religious mother, unleashes telekinetic terror on her small town after being pushed too far at her senior prom.Groan.......will it ever stop