Movies I've Seen and Didn't Like, Hated, and Never Even Finished
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- DirectorM. Night ShyamalanStarsOlivia DeJongeEd OxenbouldDeanna DunaganTwo siblings become increasingly frightened by their grandparents' disturbing behavior while visiting them on vacation.What a disappointment this was. The premise is bizarre as ever and this had potential to be a really scary, even funny, movie. But it fell into typical found footage territory. Long drawn out scenes of nothing, involving insufferably obnoxious and/or boring leads, with a few cheap scares peppered here and there for flavor. Things get amped up and quite intense during the last half hour, but not enough to make the hour long journey before it worth it. Despite a "clever" twist, nothing is really explained, nor did I care enough to even start to ponder my own theories.
- DirectorTara SubkoffStarsSadie SeelertHaley MurphyBridget McGarrySix preadolescent girls face a night of terror when the compulsive addiction of an online social media game turns a moment of cyber bullying into a night of insanity.This really sucked. The only reason I even went out of my way to watch it was because I heard that one of my favorite musicians EMA was doing the soundtrack, which is awesome, by the way, and probably one of the only good things about this movie. I just really didn't get it, or what it was trying to say or be. It wasn't scary enough to be horror, and definitely not smart enough to be considered true commentary, although that seems to be what it was desperately grasping for. The acting is mediocre, as were the characters. Not even familiar faces Chloe Sevigny and Natasha Lyonne could save this, as they barely had any screen time or material to work with. The concept of the game within the film was mildly amusing and had some potential to really make some statements on our social media culture of the youth today, but it failed, hard and horribly.
- DirectorSam MillerStarsTaraji P. HensonIdris ElbaLeslie BibbAn unstable escaped convict terrorizes a woman who is alone with her two children.Wow, this has to be one of the lamest thrillers I've ever seen. Also had some of the most awkward pacing I've ever seen. Nothing of note really happens until the 50 minute mark, and by then, I really didn't care at all what happened to anyone. This was just so lame. I can't even think of much to say about it. No suspense. No thrills. Just a lot of pointless exposition, a bit of running and screaming, and then boom, movie over. And can't forget the lame twist which really was as limp as a noodle. Also, who the hell lets a strange man into a house with their kids?
- DirectorJudd ApatowStarsAmy SchumerBill HaderBrie LarsonHaving thought that monogamy was never possible, a commitment-phobic career woman may have to face her fears when she meets a good guy.Well, I only really gave this a shot because Ezra Miller is in this... Let's say I was mildly pleasantly surprised, but mostly disappointed. Pleasantly surprised because I kind of despise Amy Schumer, as a person, comedian, and actress. And I can't say my feelings have changed much. Although she was surprisingly tolerable here. I'll be more open to watching works of hers in the future. However, the film as a whole just wasn't very funny. It wasn't particularly unfunny, but it just wasn't that funny. And to top that off, it was way too long. I just think she didn't know what she wanted to do with it. At times it seems like a straight up rom com, other times it seems like a over the top rom com parody. And in the end it ends up being nothing. The sex scene with Ezra Miller was the only memorable scene, and the only time I genuinely laughed really hard.
- DirectorTyler ShieldsStarsAbigail BreslinWes BentleyLogan HuffmanA man teaches a young woman how to become a complete weapon. Later, she is approached by a group of sadistic teens who kill blonde women for unknown reasons. The hunting season begins.One of the worst movies I have seen in a while. No backstory, two dimensional characters who do silly things, horribly written dialogue and overall a plot that makes not one ounce of sense. The acting was far from good as well, but I can't really blame these actors as they didn't have much to work with. This probably has to be the most unthrilling thriller I have ever scene.
- DirectorGil KenanStarsSam RockwellRosemarie DeWittKennedi ClementsA family whose suburban home is haunted by evil forces must come together to rescue their youngest daughter after the apparitions take her captive.Really just not a good horror film. Even forgetting that this is a remake and not comparing it to the original, it just kind of sucks. The characters are paper thin and the whole thing seems very rushed. There is no time spent on character development and building tension. There was not a single scary moment to be found, and the CGI effects are overblown and cheesy. The lack of Tangina also didn't do this any favors. I just can't believe this was a big budget horror. It just screams low budget, straight to dvd b movie.
- DirectorJake SzymanskiStarsZac EfronAdam DevineAnna KendrickTwo hard-partying brothers place an online ad to find the perfect dates for their sister's Hawaiian wedding. Hoping for a wild getaway, the boys instead find themselves out-hustled by an uncontrollable duo.Didn't finish. Had high hopes for this and honestly couldn't be more disappointed. Really just not funny, and lacking in almost all departments. Aubrey Plaza and Anna Kendrick have no screen presence and absolutely no comedic timing. Besides that, there isn't any real story to speak of. The whole thing is just a bunch of supposedly funny scenes clobbed together and in the end, I just felt like I was just watching a bunch of boring nonsense.
- DirectorMalgorzata SzumowskaStarsAndrzej ChyraMateusz KosciukiewiczMaja OstaszewskaRunning toward God but away from his sexuality, Adam became a priest at age 21. Now the head of a rural parish, he's still tormented by desire. When Father Adam attempts to help a troubled teen, long-suppressed feelings begin to surface.Didn't finish. I really didn't like this at all. Tortuously slow, with very little interesting dialogue or characters. Really tested my patience, and it seems it failed.
- DirectorBarbara KoppleStarsAnne HathawayBijou PhillipsShiri ApplebyTwo affluent suburban girls clash with the Latino gang culture of East Los Angeles.Very weak drama. Very little character development and very little of everything that makes a good drama good, actually. Characters are two dimensional and we never get to know them or their motives. Also, the whole way the rape charges went down were so improbable. In the real world, you're lucky if you even manage to press charges against your rapist, let alone file charges, have the suspect immediately arrested, and not once be badgered by the police and blamed for being a victim.
- DirectorDavid F. SandbergStarsTeresa PalmerGabriel BatemanMaria BelloRebecca must unlock the terror behind her little brother's experiences that once tested her sanity, bringing her face to face with a supernatural spirit attached to their mother.Extremely mediocre ghost story. What starts out with one of the scariest opening scenes I've ever scene quickly devolves into mushy ghost mystery. There is nothing scary about the known! They discover what is going on too fast, and the second they do, all the tension that has been built just crumbles. And don't even get me started on the corny ending. Absolutely just terrible and corny.
- DirectorJames WanStarsVera FarmigaPatrick WilsonMadison WolfeEd and Lorraine Warren travel to North London to help a single mother raising four children alone in a house plagued by a supernatural spirit.Another weak big budget horror film... Definitely a lot better than the first, but still doesn't have much to offer. A few creepy moments here and there, but overall the storyline left me highly disinterested and the constant religious subtext came across as very heavy handed and unappealing. There's a good way to mix horror and religion, and this just wasn't it.
- DirectorRob LettermanStarsJack BlackDylan MinnetteOdeya RushA teenager teams up with the daughter of young-adult horror author R.L. Stine after the writer's imaginary demons are set free on the town of Madison, Delaware.Not the worst movie ever but a real disappointment. Goosebumps finally makes it to the big screen and this is all we get... Just a lot of running and screaming around while all the goosebumps monsters run amok. Unfortunately, none of the monsters get a chance to shine, and they could be replaced by any generic creature and you wouldn't even know the difference.
- DirectorMalcolm D. LeeDavid ZuckerStarsSimon RexAshley TisdaleCharlie SheenA couple begin to experience some unusual activity after bringing their lost nieces and nephew home. With the help of home-surveillance cameras, they learn they're being stalked by a nefarious demon.Well, I managed to finish this one, but it was not good. At all. If this was a standalone cheap parody flick, I might be a bit more gentle with my judgment. But as a part of the scary movie franchise, this is a complete disgrace. No Anna Faris and Regina What'sherface?!? Please. And replacing Anna with frickin ashley tisdale?! PUH-LEASE. Besides that, the film just falls flat on it's face nearly every time they attempt to make a joke. I think I actually laughed a few times due to just how unfunny this was. Such a shame for a good franchise that started with a bang to go out limp as a noodle...
- DirectorM.J. BassettStarsAdelaide ClemensKit HaringtonSean BeanWhen her adoptive father disappears, Sharon Da Silva is drawn into a strange and terrifying alternate reality that holds answers to the horrific nightmares that have plagued her since childhood.Very disappointing follow up to a great yet deeply flawed film. While the first film knew where it was going but struggled getting there, this one has no idea where it's going or what the hell it's even doing PERIOD. Not one thing about this film makes sense. There is no background or set up just all of a sudden POOF they're in silent hill. It chooses mediocre visual effects and creatures over any even remote semblance of logic and story.
- DirectorDeon TaylorStarsMike EppsZulay HenaoAlex HendersonAs Carl Black gets the opportunity to move his family out of Chicago in hope of a better life, their arrival in Beverly Hills is timed with that city's annual purge, where all crime is legal for twelve hours.Didn't finish. it started out pretty funny to my surprise, but it's all down hill after the first twenty minutes or so. What starts out as a silly and funny cheap parody flick quickly devolves into, well, nothing. It's just not funny enough to enjoy as a comedy and not bad enough to be one of those so-bad-it's-good type movies.
- DirectorCameron CairnesColin CairnesStarsMeegan WarnerIan MeadowsOlivia DeJongeA group of people run a TV show where they set up locations to scare people. Things go horribly wrong when the producer wants them to get darker as they set up an asylum to spook the new target: a creepy guy who used to work there.Didn't finish. Interesting premise, but all too quickly that's thrown out the window in favor of going a run of the mill slasher route. Very simple and boring overall. It's a real shame they didn't utilize the hidden camera show concept a little bit more. It really could've been great.
- DirectorSimon VerhoevenStarsAlycia Debnam-CareyWilliam MoseleyConnor PaoloWhen a college student unfriends a mysterious girl online, she finds herself fighting a demonic presence that wants to make her lonely by killing her closest friends.Run of the mill popcorn type flick. It's the same teen oriented horror that if you're an avid horror fan or even a mainstream moviegoer, you've seen hundreds of times. Thin plot. Characters constantly making ridiculously dumb decisions. Two dimensional antagonist. Except this time, it's framed around Facebook. And this time, it's not scary at all. This would have been better had they spent more time developing the antagonist as a once sympathetic person rather than some lonely girl who goes nuts within the films first 20 minutes. I'd also like the social media aspect to be delved into a bit less superficially. It's just kind of there to frame the story and make it a bit more modern and relevant to today's generation. This was entertaining for what it is though.
- DirectorTarsem SinghStarsRyan ReynoldsNatalie MartinezMatthew GoodeA dying real estate mogul transfers his consciousness into a healthy young body, but soon finds that neither the procedure nor the company that performed it are quite what they seem.Very disappointed by this. Such a great premise that really would have made a great moral drama, exploring issues of nature of consciousness, aging, and identity. Yet they decided to go a generic conspiracy thriller/action route. I love action movies too, but this was just way too bland to really serve any purpose. The body switching plot was so pointless, functioning as an afterthought they threw in to make it seem different from every other action thriller in existence. And yet, this is exactly like every other action thriller in existence. The thought provoking premise is wasted on throwaway car chases and suspense.
- DirectorAnthony DiBlasiStarsChad AddisonJake BuseyTess ChristiansenA group of former classmates gather for a pre-party at one of their homes the night before their 10-year high school reunion, and one by one, they are brutally slain in a manner befitting each's senior yearbook superlative.Didn't finish. This was honestly really terrible. Very boring. Not a whole lot of slashing going on considering it's a slasher. The characters are typical superficial late 20 somethings and they are all pretty insufferable. And Perez Hilton was in this for some weird reason. As if I needed another reason to hate this. The real problem is that it's just not funny or scary or even entertaining. It's not bad enough to give you chuckles. It's just bad enough to be boring.
- DirectorGaspar NoéStarsAomi MuyockKarl GlusmanKlara KristinMurphy is an American living in Paris who enters a highly sexually and emotionally charged relationship with Electra. Unaware of the effect it will have on their relationship, they invite their pretty neighbor into their bed.Didn't finish. Couldn't believe how boring and empty this was. I was such a huge fan of "Enter The Void", and I was quite excited to see this after I heard this had unsimulated sex in it. Not for the sake of seeing unsimulated sex, but because one of my favorite films "Short Bus" has unsimulated sex and personally, I thought that was one of the funniest and most brutally honest takes on sex and romance. This could only dream of being in the same league as "Short Bus". It's shot really well.... and that's it for the good. Dry, disjointed, and just plain empty film. I struggled to even make it through the first half hour.
- DirectorSabine BernardiStarsRick OkonMax BefortLiv Lisa FriesA drama centered on the relationship between a two young men, as one of them navigates the difficulties of life as a transgender man.A real waste of what could have been a great film. I've seen many films about MTF's but have never seen one about any FTM's. Unfortunately. this doesn't know what to do with it's hefty subject matter. Firstly, I have major problems that they cast a cis male to play the trans lead. They literally slapped a pair of prosthetic breasts on him and called it a day. And the love story was so unbelievable. The guy he "loved" was an *beep* and his character's redemption was so quick and forced. They had no chemistry whatsoever. The way the subject matter is watered down to nothing. This film should have educated cis-gendered folks on the life experiences of transgendered people, and gave those who are trans a sense of solace and understanding. Instead, any kind of conflict or poignant gender questions are scrubbed away, in favor of making something that was so obviously meant to be easily digestible for a hetero audience. And in the end, it feels like a typical cheap gay romance flick, except one of the guys has boobs. So sad.
- DirectorIgnas JonynasStarsVytautas KaniusonisOona MekasRimas BlockisParamedic Vincentas is a passionate gambler, who is forced to make radical decisions to return the debts. An idea strikes Vincentas to create an illegal game related to his profession. Love, life and death will be at stake.Didn't finish. Interesting premise, but very boring and bleak execution. Not even bleak in a stark way. Just very depressing and uninteresting in many different ways.
- DirectorJohn McKayStarsKaren GillanStanley WeberIain De CaesteckerWhen a troubled editor discovers that his only successful author is blocked, he knows that he needs to do something about it.Didn't finish. Started out funny, but ends up being very dry and meandering. Jane was an interesting character with some genuinely funny and charming moments, but the rest of the material can not hold up this fairly decent character. The first 5 minutes of the movie end up feeling like the middle, and the first 15 minutes are comprised mostly of cheesy montages that do nothing for the story. Very disappointing.
- DirectorHarmony KorineStarsVanessa HudgensSelena GomezAshley BensonFour college girls hold up a restaurant in order to fund their spring break vacation. While partying, drinking, and taking drugs, they are arrested, only to be bailed out by a drug and arms dealer.I have a lot of mixed feelings on this one... I am usually a big fan of Harmony Korine, so I feel quite conflicted. On one hand, I do understand his vision, and there was some technically brilliant film making moments to be found here. On the other hand, the idea of making commentary on superficial youth culture by making an intentionally superficial film with superficial characters seems kind of preposterous. Besides the technical beauty the film shows at times, there is nothing separating this from the dreck hollywood is churning out. So it just kind of ends up failing as an art film, and failing as a traditional hollywood style movie. He could have kept it simple while still maintaining some illusion of depth, and this would have been much, much better for it.
- DirectorJoseph RubenStarsJulianne MooreDominic WestChristopher KovaleskiAfter being told that their children never existed, a man and woman soon discover there is a much bigger enemy at work.I really liked this at first. The first half is great. Very heavy in intrigue and atmosphere, with a set up that is as confounding as it is thrilling. However the rug is quickly and sloppily pulled out from under our feet all too soon. It quickly takes a head first dive in quality and it never recovers. Everything is so vague, and so unanswered, and not in a way that makes you think and ponder the nature of the events of the film, but in a way that makes the film feel empty and make watching the first half feel like a waste of time. And don't even get me started on that glossy, sappy, sad excuse of an ending. It's just beyond corny. With more attention to detail, this could have been great. This WAS great for a while, but unfortunately it lost it's grip too soon.