Watch At Your Own Risk
Movies I've seen that have made me want to claw my eyes out.
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- DirectorCraig Ross Jr.StarsAngel VargasVera YellLee MarksThree youngsters encounter an evil clown.What to say? ..this movie is rubbish, the acting is dire in the worst way possible, the character of Killjoy is ridiculous to the point where you want to scream "who in their right mind put money into this film ..and WHY?".
- DirectorTammi SuttonStarsAustin PriesterWayland Geremy BoydBobby MarsdenEn route to a run-down shelter they are set to renovate as community service, a group of juvenile delinquents and the two chaperones accompanying them run into a minor set-back when their bus breaks down. When trying to find a phone, one of the teens is shot, and the group finds shelter with a voodoo priestess. While trying to use voodoo to save their friend, two of the teens accidentally unleash the evil spirit known as Killjoy.They did indeed make a sequel ..and it's still rubbish, I believe they made a 3rd one too but I never subjected myself to it.
- DirectorArtie MandelbergStarsRomany MalcoTangi MillerRoyale WatkinsThis film is an unbiased look into the rise and fall of late 80's and early 90's rap superstar MC Hammer. It begins showing Hammer as a ball boy for his hometown Oakland Athletics, and ends with his departure from Death Row Records. It delves deep into the ruthless dirty business of record companies and dirty sanchez's. The most moving scene in the film is when Hammer drops a deuce in the pool at a Death Row event.The story of a man who had a fortune ..blew it on nothing worthwhile and lost it all ..that man was MC Hammer and this was the film that followed his rise and fall - It's so bad it needs to be seen to be believed.
- DirectorRoger ChristianStarsJohn TravoltaForest WhitakerBarry PepperIt's the year 3000 A.D., and the Earth is lost to the alien race of Psychlos. Humanity is enslaved by these gold-thirsty tyrants, who are unaware that their 'man-animals' are about to ignite the rebellion of a lifetime.Based on the first half of L. Ron Hubbard’s novel of the same name it's a movie adaption that was doomed from the start.
- DirectorJoel SchumacherStarsArnold SchwarzeneggerGeorge ClooneyChris O'DonnellBatman and Robin try to keep their relationship together even as they must stop Mr. Freeze and Poison Ivy from freezing Gotham City.Joel Schumacher is not usually known for quirky almost campy superhero movies but that didn't stop him from taking the reigns of what was easily the worst Batman movie ever ..if not the worst superhero movie to ever grace the big screen.
- DirectorUwe BollStarsJonathan CherryTyron LeitsoClint HowardA group of college students travels to a mysterious island to attend a rave, which is soon taken over by bloodthirsty zombies.House of the Dead was one of the best survival horror / shoot-em up's ever released, it was and gory with buckets of blood and all kinds of twisted messed up monsters ..so you would think the movie of the same name would go for more of the same. In some ways they did ..a bit too much, cutting to low res shots of the video game while a fight or shootout was happening was ridiculous.. it may have sounded clever in pre-production but the results speak for themselves - avoid.
- DirectorAndrzej BartkowiakStarsKarl UrbanRosamund PikeDwayne JohnsonSpace Marines are sent to investigate strange events at a research facility on Mars but find themselves at the mercy of genetically enhanced killing machines.Doom another classic video game known for it's uber violence with a license to make something hard hitting that the fans of the game should of been able to embrace ..but again it was a complete disaster.
- DirectorTommy Lee WallaceStarsTom AtkinsStacey NelkinDan O'HerlihyKids all over America want Silver Shamrock masks for Halloween. Doctor Daniel Challis seeks to uncover a plot by Silver Shamrock owner Conal Cochran.Halloween is the film that not only cemented John Carpenter's reputation as a true master of horror it also burned the image of boogeyman Micheal Myers into our minds and into our nightmares.. H: III had no boogyeman ..enough said.
- DirectorJohn BlanchardStarsAimee GrahamChris PalermoKim GreistA reporter investigates a series of murders, dubbed the Spring Break Massacre, which leads to further mayhem.Shameless cash-in of the Scary Movie parodies, a mash up of movies like Scream and Friday the 13th that was doomed right from the start.
- DirectorAng LeeStarsEric BanaJennifer ConnellySam ElliottBruce Banner, a genetics researcher with a tragic past, suffers an accident that causes him to transform into a raging green monster when he gets angry.Done wrong in 2003 Hulk was a complete disaster, the wooden acting coupled with yawn inspiring special effects made this memorable for all the wrong reasons. It wasn't until 2008 that the hulk would stomp onto the big screen and completely decimate the memory of what was one of 2003's worst movies.
- DirectorPitofStarsHalle BerrySharon StoneBenjamin BrattA shy woman, endowed with the speed, reflexes, and senses of a cat, walks a thin line between criminal and hero, even as a detective doggedly pursues her, fascinated by both of her personas.Making a movie for male audiences to drool over is one thing but taking away the iconic catsuit and replacing it with a pair of ripped leather trousers and a matching bra is slap worthy. Halle Berry seemed to be Catwoman in name only and the movie was a financial flop, apparently Halle Berry had fun ..shame the same can't be said for those who bought a cinema ticket.
- DirectorRoger SpottiswoodeStarsArnold SchwarzeneggerMichael RapaportTony GoldwynA man meets a clone of himself and stumbles into a grand conspiracy about clones taking over the world.I'm not sure what was happening in the film but it put me to sleep, not the kind of effect you expect from an Arnie flick.
- DirectorMichael BayStarsBen AffleckKate BeckinsaleJosh HartnettA tale of war and romance mixed in with history. The story follows two lifelong friends and a beautiful nurse who are caught up in the horror of an infamous Sunday morning in 1941.Michael Bay really screwed the pooch on this one, terrible acting combined with millions wasted on visual effects gave birth to what many claim is one of the worst films ever made.
- DirectorJonathan MostowStarsArnold SchwarzeneggerNick StahlKristanna LokenA machine from a post-apocalyptic future travels back in time to protect a man and a woman from an advanced robotic assassin to ensure they both survive a nuclear attack.Terminator returns for ..I can't even remember what, the effects were too cheesy and it never seemed to go anywhere. The Terminator and T2: Judgement Day were without a doubt some of the best contributions to Sci-fi cinema ..3 was a forgetful flop.
- DirectorBryan SingerStarsBrandon RouthKevin SpaceyKate BosworthSuperman returns to Earth after spending five years in space examining his homeworld Krypton. But he finds things have changed while he was gone, and he must once again prove himself important to the world.2006 seemed to be a year for genuinely terrible movies, production studios had too much money to waste and of course that spurred on the birth of this super disaster.
- DirectorMel GibsonStarsJim CaviezelMonica BellucciMaia MorgensternDepicts the final twelve hours in the life of Jesus of Nazareth, on the day of his crucifixion in Jerusalem.What better way to show your love for Jesus than to beat the living sh#t out of him ..or rather show it in full blown big screen wonder ..this is the film that concreted my distaste for Mel Gibson.
- DirectorRoland EmmerichStarsJohn CusackThandiwe NewtonChiwetel EjioforA frustrated writer struggles to keep his family alive when a series of global catastrophes threatens to annihilate mankind.The Neutrinos have mutated ..you don't need to be a Scientist to know what is terribly wrong here.
- DirectorFred DekkerStarsRobert John BurkeNancy AllenMario MachadoRobocop saves the day once more. This time the half man/half robot takes on ruthless developers who want to evict some people on "their" land.Robocop and Robocop 2 were classics, they were violent and rough around the edges in all the right places. So when a third film was announced fans instantly got excited ..and they really shouldn't have, this time Robocop could fly and forget Ed209 or Kane ..meet these funky Japanese cyborg ninjas - how about no.
- DirectorRick RosenthalStarsJamie Lee CurtisBusta RhymesBrad LoreeThree years after he last terrorized his sister, Michael Myers confronts her again, before traveling to Haddonfield to deal with the cast and crew of a reality show which is being broadcast from his old home.Being a Halloween fan and a major collector of DVD's especially horror I do indeed have this in my collection ..but I shouldn't and here's why -> Busta Rhymes <-
- DirectorJan de BontStarsSandra BullockJason PatricWillem DafoeA computer hacker breaks into the computer system of the Seabourn Legend cruise liner and sets it speeding on a collision course into a gigantic oil tanker.How is this happening again? there isn't a bomb on the bus and if you go over 50 (?) miles per hour it won't go off ..no this time it's a cruise liner ..I don't remember much else which is a good thing ..it means I'm finally removing the memory of this awful movie from my mind.
- DirectorJames IsaacStarsKane HodderLexa DoigJeff GeddisJason Voorhees is cryogenically frozen at the beginning of the 21st century, and is discovered in the 25th century and taken to space. He gets thawed, and begins stalking and killing the crew of the spaceship that's transporting him.I joked with a friend after Jason Goes to Hell that the only place left for him to go after that was space ..little did I know that it was exactly where new line cinema were sending him next. He looked ridiculous ..moved ridiculous and it had not one redeeming quality.
- DirectorUwe BollStarsChristian SlaterTara ReidStephen DorffA detective of the paranormal slowly unravels mysterious events with deadly results.A video game that had a major following, it had horror and suspense and everything that makes a very memorable gaming experience ..however once it was given to director Uwe Boll the result was yet another poorly executed excuse for a film.
- DirectorNeil LaButeStarsNicolas CageEllen BurstynLeelee SobieskiA sheriff investigating the disappearance of a young girl from a small island discovers there's a larger mystery to solve among the island's secretive, neo-pagan community.The original Wickerman is a tour de force when it comes to everything that makes a horror classic, the remake with Nic Cage even when viewed as the directors cut has none of the magic that made the original so great. The acting from Cage is mediocre at best and thrills might be there but the chills are few and far between.
- DirectorJason FriedbergAaron SeltzerStarsSean MaguireKevin SorboCarmen ElectraA spoof of 300 (2006) and many other movies, TV series/shows/commercials, video games and celebrities. King Leonidas of Sparta and his army of 12 go to war against Xerxes of Persia to fight to the death for Sparta's freedom.Spoof movies are almost always going to fail on an epic level and Meet the Spartans was one that plummeted so strongly that it's currently located next to the earths core. I watched half a cinema empty and demand their money back, and rightly so.
- DirectorSteve CarrStarsKevin JamesKeir O'DonnellJayma MaysWhen a shopping mall is taken over by a gang of organized crooks, it's up to a mild-mannered security guard to save the day.I know I'm not the only one to ever mistake one film for another and as more and more films copy each other the chances increase - for instance Armageddon and Deep Impact - Bugs and Antz and the list goes on and on. I mistook this for Observe and Report ..needless to say it was boring and not once did it inspire as much as a chuckle.