A list of movies that suck.
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- DirectorQuentin TarantinoStarsSamuel L. JacksonKurt RussellJennifer Jason LeighIn the dead of a Wyoming winter, a bounty hunter and his prisoner find shelter in a cabin currently inhabited by a collection of nefarious characters.The whole flick sucks harder than the white guy blowing Sam Jackson in the snow.
- DirectorRobert EggersStarsAnya Taylor-JoyRalph InesonKate DickieA family in 1630s New England is torn apart by the forces of witchcraft, black magic and possession.Guess how ominous it is to appear on my list: It Sucks.
- DirectorGregory LambersonMichael O'HearStarsDebbie RochonMichael O'HearJohn RennaDrew returns home after 35 years to discover that the creature he imagined living under his bed as a child is real - and it's a succubus.A film critic from Buffalo helped finance this crap shot in Buffalo. Did he review it too? Let's hope he remained objective: It Sucks.
- DirectorJames Felix McKenneyStarsChristina CampanellaDon WoodAngus ScrimmA couple stay in a dingy motel in Maine to try and escape their hectic lives, but are haunted by spirits of previously murdered guests.'Better than THE SHINING' -- a review on the cover said so. Thank god for professional opinions. How else would we all know what's good or not?
- DirectorChris FisherStarsJoleigh FioreavantiBret RobertsBrittany DanielKenneth Bianchi, one of the two serial rapists and killers who terrorized the Los Angeles area in the late 1970s, is giving police station interviews to psychiatrist Samantha Stone, who is forced to relive the horrific crimes.This movie looks like it was shot on a damned Tilt-a-Whirl. Does anybody like this crap? I'm dizzy.
- DirectorSimon BoyesAdam MasonStarsNadja BrandEric ColvinAbbey StirlingA terrifying journey into one man's twisted world of torture and cruelty, in which a young woman must fight back against a sadistic, psychopath hell bent on breaking her mind and body.I know. One of the worst movies ever made.
- DirectorAlexandre BustilloJulien MauryStarsAlysson ParadisJean-Baptiste TabourinClaude LuléFour months after the death of her husband, a woman on the brink of motherhood is tormented in her home by a strange woman who wants her unborn baby.Look, ladies! A psychopath wants to slice your friggin' stomach open and pull out a fetus. Whew. Thank god abortion ain't murder or this would be a nightmare.
- DirectorJulien LeclercqStarsAlbert DupontelMarie GuillardMarthe KellerIn the near future Paris, a cop is searching for his wife's killer. The trail leads him to a high tech medical clinic where everything is not what it seems.Why is everything blue? Minority Report was way better after forgetting it wholesale.
- DirectorXavier GensStarsKarina TestaAurélien WiikPatrick LigardesA gang of young thieves flee Paris during the violent aftermath of a political election, only to hole up at an Inn run by neo-Nazis.Neo-Nazi's are portrayed with way too much sympathy here.
- DirectorTomas AlfredsonStarsKåre HedebrantLina LeanderssonPer RagnarOskar, an overlooked and bullied boy, finds love and revenge through Eli, a beautiful but peculiar girl.I swear to god a review said, 'The best vampire movie. Ever.' Let the crappiest one out of your sight by never watching this.
- DirectorWyatt McDillStarsJustin KirkTerryn WestbrookSam RosenTrevor Grainger, Amber Croft and Rob Rankus are three, like, average dudes who run Go Time Liquidators - an eBay auction business. Trevor likes Stephen King, Amber wants to be a singer-songwriter, and Rob's into the Chili Peppers. Amber used to date Trevor but now she's going to marry Rob. They read the obituaries in order to find things they can turn into money on the internet. Pretty soon they end up in the destroyed house of a dead dude named Bill Zill, and they're also seriously obsessing over watching a surveillance-cam website called fourboxes.tv. Fourboxes.tv is a dusty, digital window into the wacked-out world of a creep they call Havoc. Havoc didn't know his apartment was wired up when he moved in. And he's weird. He sleeps in a bat-cage, builds bombs in a dungeon, and looks like he's planning to kill people on a seriously massive scale. Trevor, Amber and Rob decide they have to do something to find and stop Havoc, wherever he is. Or...maybe not - they could just keep watching, 'cause, as Rob says, "That's what the internet's for." Havoc's dirty, wrecked world couldn't affect them - right? Safe, alone, deep in the dark, clean, American suburbs.Jamie Kennedy ain't in this movie. Four Boxes was also shot with a Fisher Price camera like BROKEN (2006).
- DirectorKim Jee-woonStarsLee Byung-hunChoi Min-sikJeon Gook-hwanA secret agent exacts revenge on a serial killer through a series of captures and releases.I saw heaven when I gave this one back to the video store.
- DirectorYam LaranasStarsCarmina VillaroelRhian RamosTJ TrinidadA 12 year old cold case is reopened when three teens are missing in an old abandoned road where a gruesome murder is left undiscovered for three decades.Asian? Cuban? Mexican? Keep guessing. I did. The whole cast is from b-fkd Egypt -- and they act like it. This was a hit in Iraq, I think.
- DirectorJoko AnwarStarsRio DewantoHannah Al RashidIzzi IsmanA man wakes up from being buried alive in the woods with no memory of who he is. He tries to recollect his memory from a cabin nearby and finds that someone is hunting him and his family.This movie is called 'Ritual' at my video store. Twist: the whole cast looks like assimilated Asians but their acting totally sucks! Thanks a lot, video store.
- DirectorDerek ColeStarsStephen TwardokusLiesel KoppJon GaleWhen Paul, an unemployed writer, decides to rent and live in a house that's rumored to be haunted, he puts his life and his relationships in grave danger as he obsessively attempts to get the story that will finally make his career.This one's so bad it may as well be from Europe. Movies don't count if they look like BROKEN (2006).
- DirectorSebastián SilvaStarsMichael CeraJuno TempleEmily BrowningA naive young tourist's road trip across Chile with friends turns into a waking nightmare.Let's make this one disappear twice as much as magic would.
- DirectorJeff NicholsStarsMatthew McConaugheyTye SheridanJacob LoflandTwo young boys encounter a fugitive and form a pact to help him evade the vigilantes that are on his trail and to reunite him with his true love.Look everybody! Matthew lives in a tree house. If only he would stay in it and never come out to make movies that suck.
- DirectorDerek CianfranceStarsRyan GoslingBradley CooperEva MendesTwo men and their sons must deal with the unforeseen consequences of their actions.This one sucks so bad it needed to be 4 hrs. long to make its point about sucking so bad.
- DirectorJaume BalagueróPaco PlazaStarsManuela VelascoFerran TerrazaJorge-Yamam SerranoA television reporter and cameraman follow emergency workers into a dark apartment building and are quickly locked inside with something terrifying.Rave reviews all over town for this piece of sh!t. Why? Why do people refuse to state the obvious: [*REC] SUCKS.
- DirectorSwamy M. KandanStarsJonathan BennettAli FaulknerRichard RiehleTwo strangers research a mysterious outbreak of mass hysteria in a small village.If you get that fat guy from THE FUGITIVE to be in your movie, you can suck really hard and nobody will even notice. Just kidding. I noticed.
- DirectorDanny BoyleStarsJames McAvoyRosario DawsonVincent CasselAn art auctioneer mixed up with a group of criminals partners with a hypnotherapist in order to recover a lost painting.Rosario Dawson's titties are awesome. But this movie is not awesome. It sucks. It sucks even harder than I would suck Rosario Dawson's titties.
- DirectorChad Crawford KinkleStarsSean BridgersLauren Ashley CarterKaitlin CullumWhen she learns the supernatural pit worshipped by her remote community in the woods has demanded her as a blood sacrifice, Ada struggles to find a way to survive, while the pit lashes out in anger.That sexy vampire bitch from VHS (2012) plays a bumpkin in this one. Not good. Bad.
- DirectorJames WanStarsPatrick WilsonVera FarmigaRon LivingstonParanormal investigators Ed and Lorraine Warren work to help a family terrorized by a dark presence in their farmhouse.The Warrens were con-artists. They preyed on the superstitious, the gullible, the naïve. They finally got a movie made about their exploits. I just wish there was a hell for them to go rot in.
- DirectorFrancis Ford CoppolaStarsVal KilmerBruce DernElle FanningA struggling horror writer visiting a small town on a book tour gets caught up in a murder mystery involving a young girl. That night in a dream, he is approached by a mysterious young ghost named V.That guy that made THE GODFATHER made this one suck real hard with a camera he stole from that guy that shot BROKEN (2006).
- DirectorGary RossStarsJennifer LawrenceJosh HutchersonLiam HemsworthKatniss Everdeen voluntarily takes her younger sister's place in the Hunger Games: a televised competition in which two teenagers from each of the twelve Districts of Panem are chosen at random to fight to the death.The special effects suck. The characters suck. The movie sucks. America has taste for sh!t.
- DirectorPaul Thomas AndersonStarsJoaquin PhoenixPhilip Seymour HoffmanAmy AdamsA Naval veteran arrives home from war unsettled and uncertain of his future - until he is tantalized by the Cause and its charismatic leader.This is the 'Master of Suck.' If the filmmaker had had any balls, he would've said what he wanted about L. Ron Hubbard. I hate it when movies that could be awesome become movies that suck.
- DirectorThomas VinterbergStarsMads MikkelsenThomas Bo LarsenAnnika WedderkoppA teacher lives a lonely life, all the while struggling over his son's custody. His life slowly gets better as he finds love and receives good news from his son, but his new luck is about to be brutally shattered by an innocent little lie.Take your subtitles and shove 'em.
- DirectorMickey KeatingStarsDerek PhillipsLarry FessendenEric B. FleischmanAfter receiving a distressed phone call, a man arrives at a seedy highway motel to find that his estranged wife has killed a stranger who is connected to a dangerous cult.The most ridiculous scene in this one is where some old dude offers a light to a skank-whore in a car.
- DirectorRavindra Prasad PatnaikStarsChristopher AtkinsDavid BlountDavid R. ClaytonWith the psychic power of clairvoyance, an extra-sensory perception, Amy starts witnessing haunting visions as her entire Amish village begins to fall into demonic control. An ominous funeral director, Christopher, uses Amy's special abilities to seek out the covert leader behind the possession. Amy and Christopher must stop the fall of their village before the Devil takes over Amy's soul-forcing them to perform a controversial exorcism.The title credit sequence has two cartoon jewels shining in it for no reason whatsoever. Every shot is ill-framed. It's got that old guy from THE BLUE LAGOON in it.
- DirectorK. KingStarsDanny TrejoMartin CoppingClare NiederpruemWhen a street drug turns junkies into an army of zombies, a man named Hunter finds himself with nothing but a beat-up car and a trunk full of guns and booze, until he stumbles across a small band of survivors.Danny Trejo does not suck -- but this movie does. Why the hell is everything pink in this movie?
- DirectorC.B. HardingStarsSean YoungJenna BoydHeather HemmensWhen a seemingly fun party goes horribly awry, a group of teenagers must decide their fates.Yay. Let's waste a halfway decent cast on an dumb story.
- DirectorDavid MorleyStarsMeghan HeffernAdam MacDonaldShaun BensonA young married couple comes home from a date night to discover that they are imprisoned in their own house with a methodical killer inside.Knock, knock. They've smashed THE STRANGERS and THE HOUSE of the DEVIL together -- and it sucks.
- DirectorTeddy SchenckStarsBrendan Sexton IIIJames RussoArmando RiescoA young man struggles with unexplained events inside of a New York apartment where tenants are not who they appear to be.Surprise! Surprise! It sucks.
- DirectorTerron R. ParsonsStarsRichard TysonSherri EakinJeremy IvyA college student returning home for Halloween is forced to face his childhood fears when an escaped killer takes refuge in his family's "Haunted Hayride".It's got that guy from BIG BAD WOLF in it. But this one sucks harder than that fat girl that sucked him off in BIG BAD WOLF did.
- DirectorLance W. DreesenStarsTrevor Duke-MoretzKimberly J. BrownRichard TysonAfter being attacked by a werewolf, a teenager believing it may have been his stepfather attempts to expose him.Slightly better than HAYRIDE. A cute, plump high school girl gives a psychopath a blowjob to out him as a killer. Sucks real hard.
- DirectorBrendan CowlesShane KuhnStarsLeighton MeesterNicholas D'AgostoMelora HardinHorror gets Super Sized when Horny The Clown, the demonic mascot of "Hella-Burger," starts slashing Orange County teenagers with his meat cleaver from Hell.
- I'd like a burger and a side order of suck.
- You got it. - DirectorJohn SimpsonStarsKatheryn WinnickLaura BreckenridgeJessica LucasThree women are stalked by a killer with a grudge that extends back to the girls' childhoods.A creepy clown on a cover of a movie along with that trigger-happy dude from HEAT (1995) doesn't always mean 'Oscar Gold' even though it should.
- DirectorDario ArgentoStarsThomas KretschmannMarta GastiniAsia ArgentoAsia Argento stars in horror legend Dario Argento's sexy spin on the classic tale about the sharp-toothed count who craves human blood.The good thing is that Dario Argento is a total pervert and got his hot daughter to show her titties for us. The bad news is that this movie totally sucks.
- DirectorJonathan LevineStarsAmber HeardAnson MountWhitney AbleA group of high-schoolers invite Mandy Lane, an innocent, desirable girl, to a weekend party on a secluded ranch. While the festivities rage on, the number of revelers begins to drop mysteriously.Presumptuous title. I hate Mandy Lane. Total trash. Forget it.
- DirectorDavid O. RussellStarsChristian BaleAmy AdamsBradley CooperA con man, Irving Rosenfeld, along with his seductive partner Sydney Prosser, is forced to work for a wild F.B.I. Agent, Richie DiMaso, who pushes them into a world of Jersey powerbrokers and the Mafia.American Hustle? Ya got that right. I was swindled out of a buck-fifty. An all-star cast of suck.
- DirectorScott CooperStarsChristian BaleCasey AffleckZoe SaldanaWhen Rodney Baze mysteriously disappears and law enforcement doesn't follow through fast enough, his older brother Russell takes matters into his own hands to find justice.... and into the fire-pit of suck.
- DirectorJim MickleStarsBill SageAmbyr ChildersJulia GarnerThe Parkers, a reclusive family who follow ancient customs, find their secret existence threatened as a torrential downpour moves into their area, forcing daughters Iris and Rose to assume responsibilities beyond those of a typical family.Michael Parks is awesome. But he could not make this flick not suck.
- DirectorTodd LincolnStarsAshley GreeneSebastian StanTom FeltonA couple is haunted by a supernatural presence that is unleashed during a college experiment.Dumb as fvck.
- DirectorRandall MillerStarsAlan RickmanMalin AkermanJustin BarthaA look at the New York City punk-rock scene and the venerable nightclub, CBGB.That dude that played a terrorist in DIE HARD (1988) is in this one ... making ... it ... suck ... REAL ... HARD.
- DirectorPascal LaugierStarsJessica BielJodelle FerlandWilliam B. DavisWhen her child goes missing, a mother looks to unravel the legend of the Tall Man, an entity who allegedly abducts children.I sat through this entire bit of implausible bunk. Shoot me.
- DirectorStacy DavidsonStarsAshley KayMelanie DonihooPeyton WetzelA group of friends break into an abandoned factory in order to throw a impromptu party; unaware that it is not as empty as they originally believed.Senseless. No plot. No story. No point. It sucks.
- DirectorTodd LevinStarsMilo VentimigliaSarah ShahiWilliam MapotherA couple facing marital problems after losing their child finds their life together further complicated by a mysterious visitor.Kinda like THE SIXTH SENSE (1999) only suckier.
- DirectorGéla BabluaniStarsSam RileyAlice BarrettGaby HoffmannA naive young man assumes a dead man's identity and finds himself embroiled in an underground world of power, violence, and chance where men gamble behind closed doors on the lives of other men.This movie should center on Mickey Rourke's character. It doesn't. And ... it sucks.
- DirectorDavid GrovicStarsJohn CusackRebecca Da CostaRobert De NiroA criminal bides his time at a seedy motel, waiting for his boss after killing several men and making away with a mystery bag.Bag it. Tag it. It sucks.
- DirectorBarry BattlesStarsBilly Bob ThorntonEva LongoriaThomas Brodie-SangsterWhen three redneck brothers agree to help a woman save her godson from an abusive stepfather, they become targets on the run from an odd cast of characters.Rednecks use racial slurs alot. Eva Langoria gets naked alot. But neither happens in BAYTOWN. Political correctness run amok.
- DirectorKevin SmithStarsMichael ParksMelissa LeoJohn GoodmanSet in Middle America, a group of teens receive an online invitation for sex, though they soon encounter fundamentalists with a much more sinister agenda.Michael Parks should be way more selective.
- DirectorWayne KramerStarsPaul WalkerNorman ReedusElijah WoodAn anthology of stories involving meth addicted white supremacists, a man looking for his kidnapped wife and an Elvis impersonator.Brendan Frasier's best role in a flick that sucks.
- DirectorJennifer LynchStarsVincent D'OnofrioEamon FarrenEvan BirdA young man held prisoner by a cab-driving serial killer must make a life or death choice between following in his captor's footsteps or breaking free.Totally forgettable.
- DirectorPaul HyettStarsRosie DaySean PertweeKevin HowarthSold at a brothel deep in the woods to work as a caretaker, a hapless deaf girl must summon the courage to fight for her life.Starts cool. Then gets super stupid. It sucks.
- DirectorMartin ScorseseStarsLeonardo DiCaprioJonah HillMargot RobbieBased on the true story of Jordan Belfort, from his rise to a wealthy stock-broker living the high life to his fall involving crime, corruption and the federal government.Lots of tits. Lots of ass. Lots of suck.
- DirectorMarc ForsterStarsBrad PittMireille EnosDaniella KerteszFormer United Nations employee Gerry Lane traverses the world in a race against time to stop a zombie pandemic that is toppling armies and governments and threatens to destroy humanity itself.Waste of time. A kindergartner can write better stories.
- DirectorEdgar WrightStarsSimon PeggNick FrostMartin FreemanFive friends who reunite in an attempt to top their epic pub crawl from twenty years earlier unwittingly become humanity's only hope for survival.It ain't SHAUN of the DEAD. Nix it. It sucks.
- DirectorNeill BlomkampStarsMatt DamonJodie FosterSharlto CopleyIn the year 2154, the very wealthy live on a man-made space station while the rest of the population resides on a ruined Earth. A man takes on a mission that could bring equality to the polarized worlds.
- "Remember those cool FX from Elysium?"
- "Yes I do. I just can't seem to remember much else."
- DirectorJames DeMonacoStarsEthan HawkeLena HeadeyMax BurkholderA wealthy family is held hostage for harboring the target of a murderous syndicate during the Purge, a 12-hour period in which any and all crime is legal.Purge Before Viewing.
- DirectorPeter A. DowlingStarsKip PardueVinessa ShawBreckin MeyerFour men out on a STAG NIGHT in New York prematurely exit an underground train after the soon-to-be-best-man begins to hassle two women. Trapped at a deserted station these six adults become the target of a gruesome manhunt when a secret gang of cannibal dwellers, living in the tunnels discovers them. Tensions will rise as they fight to make it through the night with all their limbs attached.That hooker from EYES WIDE SHUT (1999) winds up doing bargain bin, GRINDHOUSE fare and doesn't even get naked. Lame.
- DirectorJay LeeStarsJenna JamesonRobert EnglundRoxy SaintA zombie epidemic spreads throughout a strip club in Nebraska.Pretentious, B-movie, paradoxical nonsense: "Let's look at boobies so we know it's 'wrong' to look at boobies!" I feel so cheap, so used, so dirty.
- DirectorVictor SalvaStarsLuke KleintankAlex McKennaAnthony Rey PerezWhen Nick Di Santo learns that his father is not only alive but can possibly reveal the origin of his son's dark gift, he sets out on a trip that takes him to an abandoned mansion he thought only existed in his childhood imagination.This flick is all over the damn place. Psychic powers. Hordes of long haired, axe-wielding, backwoods demons (aliens?). Bad acting. Slasher stuff. Some chick gets knocked up. Tobin Bell. And it's all stupid.
- DirectorScott Di LallaStarsKelly McLarenCourtney FoxworthyDemetrius SagerOn Halloween night, five teens decide to liven up their party with some innocent fun: by summoning the spirits.Another regrettable waste of a perfectly good Ouija board.
- DirectorShane ColeStarsMegan LynnKathy Sue HoltorfSabrina CarmichaelThree friends looking for a night of fun decide to stay in a supposedly haunted house. Several days later Candace finds herself in the midst of strange happenings. When she calls on her friend for help, it's up to her to seek the answers.Deadly Presence cost $1,600. The time watching it that you can't get back? Priceless.