50 of the worst films I've ever had the misfortune to see
The worst of the worst.
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- DirectorEd AndersStarsMichael MadsenMarc SingerDennis HopperTwo cops, a rookie and his partner, a veteran, are increasingly troubled by wild and illegal behavior of some of their colleagues. At first they try to ignore it, but it soon proves to be impossible to ignore.Atrocious acting, poor direction, brainless story and screenplay, and extremely sloppy editing. Surely this movie takes the cake as the worst movie in history.
- DirectorPaul VerhoevenStarsElizabeth BerkleyKyle MacLachlanGina GershonA mysterious young drifter who calls herself Nomi Malone hitches a ride to Las Vegas, Nevada, and begins working as a strip club dancer, and sets about clawing her way to the top of the Vegas showgirls.Painfully bad.
- DirectorDeb HaganStarsDrake BellKevin CovaisAndrew Lewis CaldwellA wild weekend is in store for three high school seniors who visit a local college campus as prospective freshmen.The worst movie that I have ever seen at the cinema. A waste of money.
- DirectorGeorges ChamchoumStarsTed Jan RobertsCarol PotterJennifer LyonsA teen martial arts expert and his martial arts class take on a bunch of thugs headed by a devious real estate developer who is forcing a community to sell out their property so he can build a mall.This movie was incredibly painful to watch. This could be used to torture somebody. If there was such a thing as No Stars, this would be a worthy recipient of being awarded No Stars.
- DirectorSidney J. FurieStarsCurtis MorganZan CalabrettaJordan BrownA group of U.S. soldiers defy their country when they release mistreated prisoners.I turned this atrocious film off after 30 minutes. Poorly filmed with extremely poor special effects.
- DirectorRoger ChristianStarsJohn TravoltaForest WhitakerBarry PepperIt's the year 3000 A.D., and the Earth is lost to the alien race of Psychlos. Humanity is enslaved by these gold-thirsty tyrants, who are unaware that their 'man-animals' are about to ignite the rebellion of a lifetime.This film put me to sleep.
- DirectorAlbert PyunStarsTom SizemoreDennis HopperSteven SeagalAfter a San Francisco detective's partner is murdered by Northern Irish terrorists, the officer joins the bomb squad in order to bring them to justice.The second worst Steven Segal movie - despite the fact that he does not have a big part. Poorly filmed, sloppily edited, and bad acting.
- DirectorRob McKittrickStarsRyan ReynoldsAnna FarisJohn Francis DaleyYoung employees at ShenaniganZ restaurant collectively stave off boredom and adulthood with their antics.Pointless film.
- DirectorPeter JacksonStarsTerry PotterPete O'HerneCraig SmithThe population of a small town disappears and is replaced by aliens that chase human flesh for their intergalactic fast-food chain.Garbage.
- DirectorPeter MacDonaldStarsJean-Claude Van DammeAdewale Akinnuoye-AgbajeSteven BerkoffAlain is a boxer in 1925 Marseille, France. When he doesn't take the dive paid to take by a mob boss, he has to split. He joins the Foreign Legion and is sent to Morocco. He makes 3 friends and they watch each other's backs.The beginning of the decline of Van Damme's career.
- DirectorRichard StanleyStarsDylan McDermottStacey TravisJohn LynchThe head of a cyborg reactivates, rebuilds itself, and goes on a violent rampage in a space marine's girlfriend's apartment.I remember I saw this film when I was 13 and I got a headache from this movie - it's not a very good movie to watch.
- DirectorLee TamahoriStarsIce CubeSamuel L. JacksonWillem DafoeDarius Stone, a new agent in the xXx program, is sent to Washington, D.C. to stop a coup attempt against the President of the United States.This was just crappy.
- DirectorPitofStarsHalle BerrySharon StoneBenjamin BrattA shy woman, endowed with the speed, reflexes, and senses of a cat, walks a thin line between criminal and hero, even as a detective doggedly pursues her, fascinated by both of her personas.What went wrong???
- DirectorAlbert PyunStarsJean-Claude Van DammeDeborah RichterVincent KlynA martial artist hunts a killer in a plague-infested urban dump of the future.Don't touch this movie with a stick. Very unpleasant.
- DirectorKristoffer TaboriStarsConstantin BarbulescuDan BordeianuAdriana ButoiA wild west town hosts the strangest showdown of all: against an invading army of extraterrestrials. Outlaws and townspeople must join forces to survive.Poor special effects, bad acting and an even worse story. Another movie that would deserve to be rated No Stars.
- DirectorDean SemlerStarsSteven SeagalL.Q. JonesGailard SartainA respected doctor must race against time to find a cure for a lethal virus unleashed by a paramilitary militia leader.The beginning of the end of Steve Seagal's career, and it seems to be getting worse.
- DirectorSimon WincerStarsMickey RourkeDon JohnsonChelsea FieldTwo lone riders hold up a bank's armoured car to save their friend's bar from imminent foreclosure. Soon, the mission goes awry when they discover the vehicle's unexpected cargo.If Mickey Rourke did this for the money, it says a lot about this movie. Even though I haven't seen this in 20 years I will never forget how bad this was.
- DirectorCarlo U. QuinterioStarsHugh GrantTahnee WelchMalcolm McDowellA young man on his way to Venice to deliver his book exposing the neo-Nazi movement is suddenly stalked by a stranger, trialed by a pack of wild dogs and nearly killed.Hugh Grant should stick to what he does best.
- DirectorKevin SmithStarsBruce WillisTracy MorganJuan Carlos HernándezJimmy's rare baseball card is robbed. Since it's his only hope to pay for his daughter's upcoming wedding, he recruits his cop partner Paul to track down the robber, a memorabilia-obsessed gangster.Cop Out was literally a cop out. Incredibly unfunny. Easily Bruce Willis' worst movie.
- DirectorMatt Earl BeesleyStarsMickey RourkeDanny TrejoFrederic ForrestConvicted corporate criminal Howard engineers a prison break as he and a number of fellow inmates are being transferred to a new facility. The escapees storm a shopping mall and take a group of shoppers hostage (after killing many more of them) before making their demands. Only Rudy, a former mercenary and brother of one of the fugitives, can take out the criminals before more of the hostages die.The poor man's version of Die Hard. In fact this is the worst blueprint of Die Hard.
- DirectorBobby FarrellyPeter FarrellyStarsJim CarreyJeff DanielsRob Riggle20 years since their first adventure, Lloyd and Harry go on a road trip to find Harry's newly discovered daughter, who was given up for adoption.Stick with the 1994 original, that was a LOT better. This belated sequel was extremely unfunny.
- DirectorRolfe KanefskyStarsAlexis ArquetteTamara Marie WatsonJennifer LambertFour college kids come to a video store near midnight, and through an unusual twist become embroiled in a hostage situation.It was very clichéd, and very painfully bad. The acting was just woeful. You can tell that it was just a low-budget, cheap load of garbage.
- DirectorVincent KokStarsJackie ChanShu QiTony Leung Chiu-waiA romantic girl travels to Hong Kong in search of certain love but instead meets a kind-hearted professional fighter for whom she begins to fall instead.Waste of time.
- DirectorAnnabel JankelRocky MortonStarsBob HoskinsJohn LeguizamoDennis HopperTwo Brooklyn plumbers, Mario and Luigi, must travel to another dimension to rescue a princess from the evil dictator King Koopa and stop him from taking over the world.This whole mess didn't work at all. It comes as no surprise that the film flopped.
- DirectorBob MisiorowskiStarsJean-Claude Van DammeTomas AranaLaura HarringOn an out of control train holding hostages and high-tech bio-weapons agent Kristoff (Van Damme) becomes a one man army to derail the terrorists and save the lives of everyone on board!A train wreck in itself.
- DirectorUwe BollStarsZack WardDave FoleyVerne TroyerIn the ironically named city of Paradise, a loser teams up with his cult-leading uncle to steal a peculiar bounty of riches from their local amusement park. The recently arrived Taliban have a similar focus, but a far more sinister intent.Uwe Boll needs to understand that he is an incompetent director. This film shows why.
- DirectorChristian DuguayStarsPeter WellerRoy DupuisJennifer RubinA military commander stationed off planet during an interplanetary war travels through the devastated landscape to negotiate a peace treaty, but discovers that the primitive robots they built to kill enemy combatants have gained sentience.Should have been released directly to video and not even see daylight in a cinema. Even made the mistake of hiring this on video even when there was nothing else.
- DirectorMichael DavisStarsJonathan TuckerEmmanuelle ChriquiJames DeBelloMatt spends the night with a girl in an elevator during power outage in a girls' college dorm. He never sees her. Waking up in the morning, panties are all that's left of her. How does he find her in a building with 100 girls?Saw most of this on fast forward.
- DirectorMichael KeuschStarsSteven SeagalEva PopeImelda StauntonAn intelligence operative discovers that no one is what they seem in the shadowy world of espionage.Possibly the worst Steven Seagal movie in history. I don't think he even cared in the slightest.
- DirectorHoward DeutchStarsBruce WillisMatthew PerryNatasha HenstridgeJimmy the Tulip's quiet new life is shaken up by his old pal Oz, whose wife has been kidnapped by a Hungarian mob. The Tulip and his wife Jill spring into action.The Whole Nine Yards was funny and enjoyable, however The Whole Ten Yards was an epic fail.
- DirectorJoseph SargentStarsLorraine GaryLance GuestMario Van PeeblesChief Brody's widow believes that her family is deliberately being targeted by another shark in search of revenge.An insult to the first classic movie, an insult to the audience, and an insult to Universal Studios.
- DirectorTeddy ChanStarsJackie ChanMin KimEric TsangAt a Hong Kong shopping center, Buck Yuen's (Jackie Chan's) intuition warns him. He saves a robbery's loot and gets on television, ends up in Istanbul via South Korea, and accidentally becomes a spy. Fortunately, he knows Kung Fu.Put me to sleep after 30 minutes. Woefully bad.
- DirectorBob BralverStarsDavid BradleyLee ReyesAnne DupontWhen a scientists daughter is kidnapped, American Ninja (David Bradley), attempts to find her, but this time he teams up with a youngster he has trained in the ways of the ninja.I liked parts of this as a 10 year old. Seeing this a few years later left me scratching my head on what on earth was I thinking.
- DirectorDaniel Petrie Jr.StarsPauly ShoreLori PettyAndy DickTwo misguided youths join the reserves to make some money for their entrepreneurial dreams. No sooner than they finish basic training are they called up to do their part to save the free world.Stupidity is not a substitute for laughs. Pauly Shore has no talent whatsoever.
- DirectorJennifer LynchStarsJulian SandsSherilyn FennBill PaxtonA surgeon becomes obsessed with the seductive woman he once was in an affair with. Refusing to accept that she has moved on, he amputates her limbs and holds her captive in his mansion.To the writer of this screenplay: Give yourself an uppercut for this messed up, poorly written screenplay.
- DirectorMic RodgersStarsJean-Claude Van DammeBill GoldbergHeidi SchanzThe "universal soldiers" must fight the whole army, when the military's supercomputer S.E.T.H gets out of control.Another one of Van Damme's movies that assisted in the decline of his career.
- DirectorLes MayfieldStarsCedric The EntertainerLucy LiuNicollette SheridanAn amnesiac wakes up in a hotel room next to a dead FBI agent and $250,000. Is the sexy lady in the lobby his wife? Is he a spy or a cleaner?Not in the least bit funny nor interesting.
- DirectorSam WeismanStarsSteve MartinGoldie HawnJohn CleeseThe remake of the 1970 Neil Simon comedy follows the adventures of married couple Henry and Nancy Clark as they are vexed by misfortune while in New York City for a job interview.Very irritating and frustratingly painful to watch.
- DirectorAlan MetterStarsG.W. BaileyGeorge GaynesMichael WinslowThe Russian government hires the veterans of the Police Academy (1984) to help deal with the Mafia.Now they're trying to milk the series for all it's worth by releasing Number 7. This should have been thrown right in the scrap heap and stamped as a bad idea and never to be released.
- DirectorDavid MitchellStarsJim CarreyAlan ThickeDick GautierTwo friends travel to a ski resort, with one looking to hit the slopes, while the other spends time trying to pick up women.We all stopped this after 30 minutes because it was extremely atrocious and decided to re-watch Titanic instead.
- DirectorBob RafelsonStarsSamuel L. JacksonMilla JovovichStellan SkarsgårdWhile doing a friend a favor and searching for a runaway teenager, a police detective stumbles upon a bizarre band of criminals about to pull off a bank robbery.Good cast and the story looked decent, but the end result was poor.
- DirectorAndy GarciaStarsAndy GarciaInés SastreBill MurrayA wealthy Havana club owner and his family are torn apart by the violent sociopolitical upheaval brought about by the transition from the dictatorial regime of Batista to the Marxist revolution led by Fidel Castro in 1950s Cuba.Very boring and uninteresting.
- DirectorBill FishmanStarsDavid JohansenJohn C. McGinleyFran DrescherBrash NYC policeman Officer Gunther Toody is partnered with stiff, by-the-book Officer Francis Muldoon to protect an important mafia witness prior to testifying against orgainzed crime in Brooklyn, all the while dealing with their personal lives, overbearing spouses, common criminals, arms dealers, and their officious boss Captain Anderson.Didn't even finish this movie.
- DirectorJoel CoenEthan CoenStarsGeorge ClooneyJohn TurturroTim Blake NelsonIn the deep south during the 1930s, three escaped convicts search for hidden treasure while a relentless lawman pursues them.Extremely overrated movie and a total waste of time.
- DirectorJohn EyresStarsA.J. CookBruce PayneRyan NorthcottA massacre survivor (A.J. Cook) studies serial killers under a famous expert (Bruce Payne), but her classmates soon start dying at the hands of a Jack the Ripper copycat.Terrible movie.
- DirectorVictor SalvaStarsEric RobertsLance HenriksenBrion JamesTwo men, both hiding a deadly secret, are on a murderous rampage through the desert.Deserves it's one star for how terrible the movie was.
- DirectorAllan A. GoldsteinStarsCharles BronsonLesley-Anne DownMichael ParksPaul Kersey is back at working vigilante justice when his fiancée, Olivia, has her business threatened by mobsters.Charles Bronson must have been way too old for this movie. On top of that, this was a poor way to end the series. While all of the movies have been violent in their own way, this promoted sadistic violence.
- DirectorLewis TeagueStarsRutger HauerMimi RogersJoan ChenA male prison escapee heads for his hidden loot electronically attached to a female prisoner.I first saw the start of this on TV as an 11 year old and unfortunately did not get the chance to finish it. 13 years later, I found a copy of this on DVD and was extremely disappointed at how atrocious the movie was.
- DirectorCraig ShefferStarsRaymond J. BarryAmanda DetmerMichael Clarke DuncanThe paths of several eccentric and troubled strangers cross one night.The characters are unlikeable, the story is pointless, and some of the quality actors involved are wasted.
- DirectorJacques DorfmannPierre MagnyStarsLou Diamond PhillipsToshirô MifuneJennifer TillyIn Canada's North during the 1930s, a young Inuit kills a White trader and is pursued by the police but his father is determined to protect his fugitive son at any cost.Very dull movie that looked like it the ending was written it at the last moment to finish it off as the story was going nowhere.