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Reviews
No One Will Save You (2023)
I'd rather get abducted and probed than watch this move
Slow as dirt. Boring as hell. NOISES. And that is it. So glad there is a skip-forward option because this in and hour and 33 in of your life you are not getting back.
This "movie" should have been a 7 minute youtube clip at best, this was just dragging on and on and on for absolutely no reason. Unless you really want to look at the actress face as she shows a bunch of manic emotions there is literally nothing that makes this movie worth watching.
The amount of jumpscares are boring after the first 10, and there are about 200 more to go. Noises noises noises, lots of them and no substance at all.
She kills a bunch of aliens, but they kind of like he or something and let her live anyway for no reason. Worst movie of the year.
Wish (2023)
Like a Papier-maché hamburger, looks ok but no sustenance
This is a very empty film. Most of it looks like a cut-scene from a video game and is has about as much depth. The trailer tells you the whole story, protagonist girl has some vague issues with how the kingdom, where everyone is welcome and live for free without violence, is run. She takes it upon herself to steal a few things from the king. Resulting in him turning to a book of dark sorcery to fight the unknown threat. He turn bad. There is some singing...actually a lot of singing to really prove that the film has nothing else to offer. And then it ends.
All and all there are many songs, there are 4 jokes about butts, none of them fun, and I guess the lesson is that taxes and infrastructure is bad but broken dreams and misery is the freedom we all want.
This film effectively waste talents like Alan Tudyk and anyone else that had to come in to the recording booth for this.
Turning Red (2022)
Cringe from beginning to end. Who is this for?
I was looking forward to this film, and it had some potential as and idea but what a waste of time. This movie was far more terrible then I could have imagines. Who is this film even for? It's too mature for kids, to childish for teens, to cringe for adults... Cringe from beginning to end, including the end credit scene. More than one fat-butt joke. More than one sanity-pads joke. More than one Chinese parents overfeed their kids joke. More than one overbearing mother joke... I'm so glad I saw this on streaming rather then a movie theater because I have the option to skip forward. And I used that option, a lot!
Mei is an unlikable main character. Her actions, behavior, way of expression and basically everything about her is annoying and selfish. As a coming of age story some is expected but she is just an awful person whos obvious actions are tiring to watch. The only interesting part of the movie was her mother, Ming, and a movie about her would have been more interesting than the whiny self-righteous tween we got.
Once wived and never again. This is one of those pixar films that will be banished to the back of the memory cabinet never to be seen again.
Skip this and watch something better.
Do Revenge (2022)
Could have been good
This movie could have been really good if they had made Nora be behind the whole thing. Then we would have seen a brilliant script with twists and interesting characterdevelopment. As we go in we assume that Max is the guilty one, it would have been brilliant to have that idea turn out to be wrong and it would have given empowerment to female characters. But no, instead we got the cliché of white man = bad and minorities = good. Even though Drea is everything else. She is a terrible person. If would have been so amazing to have the movie really dare to explore that rather than the unbelievable sugarcoated ending we got.
Not to mention all the obvious ripoffs from better films. You can call it an "homage" all you want Netflix but I'd rather watch the paint-balloon fight from "10 things I hate about you" than this cheap watercolor.
Luck (2022)
Mature and funny
The movie follows Samantha "Sam" Greenfield, an 18 year old girl with no luck at all. Until one night when she shares her panini with a stray cat, and leaves the encounter with a new found luck.
Sam's clumsiness, bad luck and tendency to end up in trouble is humorous, but there is also a depth to her struggle. Some people, despite rough patches, still manage to care for others and find bright spots in every day. Life pushes you down but you get up despite it all, you do not give up. The movie doesn't preach, but it makes you in a subtle way appreciate what you have and to stay positive. That just the smallest gesture of kindness can forever change a life. Not to mention that good things can come from bad luck.
The film manages to be mature and funny at the same time, with good characters and an interesting story. It doesn't need to rely on violence, fart-jokes or dumb humor to reach out, it's a great film and I look forward to see it more than once.
Nope (2022)
Nope out of this film
Another pile of boring cinematic junk by Hollywood's latest overrated director. Jordan Peels' movies are all copies of other films; Get Out was as copy of The Skeleton Key and this was a copy of The Happening. (A movie so bad it should never be copied...) This was just a terrible waste of time. Good story idea in a way maybe, but horrific execution. The leads were okay but the action/story/plot was just skipable. Not to mention the subplot about a monkey. Nope out of this film and watch anything else. Maybe a roomba vacuuming or perhaps paint drying, both things more exciting than this film......
Octonauts: Above & Beyond (2021)
Still good, but not nearly as good as it used to be
It gets a six for the positive message and the animation, but -1 star for every voice that changed.
Peso now sound like an old chain smoker.
Dashy is no longer australian and sound like a bored american housewife.
TUNIP WTH? WHY CHANGE THAT VOICE??
The last -1 star goes out to the horrific creature report song at the end of each episode.
When my 4 year old leaves as soon as the singing comes on you know you have failed.
Trust Netflix to ruin a great thing.
Bring back the original voices for the next season.
Dare Me (2019)
hot garbage
Terrible dumb show with dumb characters for dumb people. The show is about three annoying women, one more terrible than the next. All they do is complain, drink and screw. Sometimes they talk about cheerleading, but it's all toothless teen drama like "who will be on to of the pyramid". Then it's right back to being annoying.
They are all terrible people and the only thing more terrible is to watch this show. Save your time (it got cancelled, for good reasons) and watch something better.
Seuwiteuhom (2020)
Slow as dirt, feel sorry for all the talented actors
The actors are doing a great job, casting is amazing. That is the only reason this show doesn't get 1/10. The main show however is slow as dirt, every episode is the same. You can actually skip several episodes and not miss out on the overall plot. (Episode 5-7 are just fillers)
The first episode was interesting and had potential, but then it's just the same story line over and over again. Monsters appear when the plot demands it and humans squabble over useless things. Like a monster that is 3 metre tall and weighs 200 kilo somehow appears INSIDE the building, despite being shown outside in the first episode, and somehow got in without making a single sound despite him having to break down walls in order to move his huge body around the corridors.
In the end you just find yourself waiting for the show to end, you don't care about the characters at all.
This show is unfortunately a huge waste of time. There are many good Korean shows, but this is not one of them.
The Vast of Night (2019)
The demographic this film is aiming for are people with sleeping problems
I tried to watch this lsat night.. I mean, I really tried. But no.. just no.
Here is the problem:
The movie starts off at the school, there is a problem with the lights... we know this because the movie spends 20 minutes of runtime talking about this. Also dead squirrels. The protagonist that we follow is annoying, rude, and constantly mumbling his lines. But the story dargs on. The second protagonist has gotten a tape recorder, she doesn't know what to do with it. In rue 50's spirit she needs a man to show her what to do, how to hold it and how to talk. This drags on for 20 minutes.
Skip forward. Switchboard, mysterious noise. Check, we got the setup. It just takes forever to get there.
Further on. Radio DJ plays noise. Random military man calls in and have some random story, hearsay and dilutions about noise, soldiers and that once a few years ago he got sick. NO ONE CARES! At this point if you are still awake, I feel sorry for you. This film should be shown at hospitals when they run out of sleeping pills. It's not worth the time. I can only assume the glowing reviews are from russian trolls or the filmmakers mum.
Cloak & Dagger (2018)
Cloak & Dagger are the real villains of this show
Cloak & Dagger are the real villains of this show (if you don't count the writers)
The amount of deaths these two are responsible for is just insane!
Cloak breaks in to a car and steal a stereo, him and his brother is then caught with it by to cops that have been called to the scene by a witness. His older brother, holding the stolen goods, is then accidently shot when an explosion occurs resulting in the police firing his gun. So Cloak doesn't just get his brother killed, but ruins Connors life as well in the process. So every single bad thing related to Connors is a direct result of Cloak. But because the police is white and the teen is black, it's a different story that we keep hearing throughout the show. Eventually Cloaks actions turns his mother into a murderer. So there is, or should be, some weight on his shoulders.
Dagger isn't much better. She lives her life drugging and robbing people. When she eventually gets caught, she stabs the guy. With no consequences what so ever. Working her way up to the season one finale where she is killing people right and left, with no issues or even the slight remorse.
Season two we are introduced to a guy who runs a human trafficking ring, where he drugs and sells teen girls into prostitution. But we are supposed to feel a bit sorry for him, because he suffers from headaches. But you know, drugging and robbing people of something is what Dagger make a living off... And he suffers no legal consequences either. Compare that to the police officer trying to make good... It doesn't end well for him.
Also, Cloak could have had an influence over the drug scene in New Orleans, but he is happy as long as they don't sell drugs to people who use it to rape girls. Make a note here, the we see people kidnap girls to be raped, and Cloak watches and does nothing about it, but he does monitor the drugring so that they don't sell to these guys. (like they wouldn't get drugs anywhere else)
So just to run it down: Dagger is ok with being a murderer, Cloak is ok with rape, human trafficking is alright as long as you have an excuse as to why you do it, but being a cop trying to protect yourself isn't...
Whoever wrote this show desperately need to reevaluate their life choices.
I give this show a 3 because there are some good actors, and once in a while show does seem to have potential. But really if you haven't watched it yet, don't, it's not worth your time. I would not watch another season if there was one.
Clique (2017)
Looking forward to more from Jess Brittain
Brilliant show! All characters have great development, interesting backstory and is well acted. Both the story and direction is dark and beautiful.
The story of how you find "your people" at uni emphasizes that when you put a mirror up to yourself you have to like what you see... because if you don't, what lengths are you going to go to change, or hide the truth?
Sunny Bunnies (2015)
Great fun for adults and children alike.
I found this show while browsing youtube one day, and I'm so glad I did. From the catchy intro music to the short fun episodes this show is just great. The production value is high and there is an amazing amount of details. Giving us adults something to enjoy as well, rather than the regular cheap shows for kids. I like the personalities of the bunnies, as the unlucky wolf. They show doesn't rely on language, but superb imagery to get points across. I recommend it to anyone with small kids.
The only thing I can find that is negative is that there are a lot of ice cream on the show.. and it makes me want ice cream. But that means the show also give me an excuse to take my kid out for a walk.
You (2018)
Interesting premise, obvious and boring execution
As I watched the first episode I was surprised that a show about social media would be so spot on, the idea thet once you learns somones name you can find aout all about them. More than they might want anyone to know.
But then the show ofcourse goes above and beyond that. Joe somehow develops magic powers where he can drag people through new york and into a basement, and then from said basement drag dead corpses. Without anyone even seem to notice. (In a world where I can't neglect to empty my mailbox without a neighbour noticing I have my dubts that in acity with a few million people not a single sould would notice what Joe is up to) He also has a way of magicly entering the homes of rich socialites, when the plot needs him to. A brownstone in New York usually is as secure as a policestation, yet Joe can return a book to the third floor, but not return a computer because... script.
Add to that his compleate deafness to the world around him, despite having the knowlage that Beck is hiding a lot he is basicly spoonfed Becks intire persona from Benji in episode 2, but it takes him all the way up to the last episode to accept it. Sure, i can write that off as Joe's mental problem and issues with reality, but for the viewer it just get's so tiresome. We all know how it's going to end, right from the very start. But the show needs to give us 10 episode, whereas 3 are just filler and does nothing to puch the narrative forward, before we get to an ending that is as obvious and boring as the rest of the show. Now there is a 2nd season. i don't know why. My guess is that they will turn it around and have Joe be the "hunted" I don't know and I don't care. I won't watch it.
The Edge of Seventeen (2016)
I'd rather jump in front of a U-haul than watch this film
Why did I waste my night watching this film? Lets see, "Growing up is hard" and for most parts of Nadines life I agree, bullied and losing your dad is hard. But what for some reason takes the cake is when her friend starts dating her brother. We already know That Nadine is whiny, selfish and annoying, but she just takes it to a whole new level. Not able to act like a normal human being... Until she gets a boyfriend her self. Both Krista and Nadie are the kind of girls that have no life, no personality or anything going for them until they get a man by their side. After that life is peachy, such a great story for young girls. You don't need friends, you don't need friendship, what you need is a man on your arm, and life will sparkle. Your other alternative is to claim that you will kill yourself as the drama queen you are. Besides this movie is formulaic and obvious, I seldom watch movies where I hope the main character will jump in front of a U-Haul. But that is the only thing that could have made this film worth finishing This is the worst film i've seen in 2017.