masters-cindy Reviews

Shark Attack 3: Megalodon (2002 Video)

Worst shark movie ever

[1/10 · 5 August 2008]

I have noticed that some one has written a review in which he claims that this movie are great. Sorry to inform you but this movie are the worst shark movie in existence.

I admit I got this movie in my collection. Its part of a 5 in 1 shark collection. I bought this DVD set because jaws 1 were on it and I thought shark attack 3 cant be all that bad. I were wrong it was absolutely horrendous to make it easy to understand just take stock footage stolen from discovery channel and horrific acting mixed with the worst CGI ever and you have shark attack 3.

The hero of the movie called Ben carpenter are like a mentally challenged person.

The growling of the shark took me by complete surprise I laughed for nearly 15 minutes after the first growl .The CGI are just horrible (the part where the one guy rides straight into the mouth of the big shark with a jet ski are the works of a amateur CGI student)

It seems like Ben carpenter are a real ladies man because only a man with a big ego will ever use that lame pick up line.( and the hero lady in this movie are really cheap to act on that line by taking a shower with the ladies man)

Don't be fooled like me and buy this movie. If you happen to seen this movie in a rental shop don't rent it. Hide it in the shop were no one will find it, you are saving someone the pain to watch this movie

Small Town Folk (2007)

The worst movie ever made.

[1/10 · 4 August 2008]

I have seen some bad movies in my life but this movie are one of the worst movies ever made. how some people can say it cult status movie are really shocking. it difficult to describe how awful this movie truly are.

The plot were just horrific and the acting were horrendous. Small-town folk must have the worst fight scenes ever in a movie.

The hero of this disgraceful movie nicknamed helmet are the worst actor on earth. He were absolutely useless in this movie. He are one of those actor born without any acting abilities The villains are just pathetic.

Save your money and your mental heath and don't watch this movie.

Beerfest (2006)

utterly useless acting

[1/10 · 29 July 2008]

I enjoy a good comedy movie over weekends. I made the universal mistake to rent beer fest.The people that reviewed this movie said a mouth full of how great it is. I didn't see any thing positive in this movie.

It was horrendous entertainment. The rental shop must have warning labels on movies like this movie to warn people or maybe a money back guarantee. Once again I were robbed with a rental fee and a hour an half of my life. (thanks to great reviews) Let met start

The movie must have the worst acting ever recorded in a comedy movie. It was utterly useless acting. The scrip were so bad I think the ink on it has more value. I mean a secret beer recipe? I am truly shocked that people can actually award this movie with more that 2 stars

TV: The Movie (2006)

Zero entertainment =100% horrific

[1/10 · 21 July 2008]

First of all I have seen that someone that reviewed this trash made use of the sentence "reviewers who didn't GET this film. it's hilarious" are you serious ? this movie doesn't even deserve the 1 out of 10 I am giving it.to all the people that have seen this inept movie don't and don't belief a word that its hilarious.

Normally I enjoy movie of national lampoon but boy this movie were just horrific, absolute horrific!!! Its like watching a documentary of the worst adverts and acting ever invented.

The part were Chris Pontius( aka party boy from jack ass ) plays the part of Jesus are the lames and probably the sickest scene ever in motion picture history. Jesus (Chris) are been asked "how does it feel to be living with your dad for 3 000 years? And his mothers virginity are been questioned. To make this scene even worst Jesus (Chris)claims that Colin Farrell are beautiful.

That two cops in Mexico are just pathetic.

The movie are a complete waste of time. They are ripping off movies like Miami vice,XXX ,but they don't make fun of this movies they are destroying it completely.

Steve o are the lames ,dirtiest actor in the world. He reminds me of that people on the Jerry Springer show namely trailer trash .

Ps. I think jonny Knoxville are very happy that he has nothing to do with this trash.

The New Guy (2002)

Horrendous ½ out of 10

[1/10 · 15 July 2008]

There are not a word I can drag out of my vocabulary that describe how awful this movie were, I think the correct word must still be invented I were to say ½ out of 10 I am giving this movie the biggest complement ever.

Needless to say but this movie are bad and I mean really bad and with possibly the worst actor in the world in this movie it goes from bad to almost unwatchable in less than 15 minutes.

Let met start with the biggest problem in this movie namely DJ Qualls .His acting abilities are horrendous. Nobody will ever belief person so strange looking if not ugly will every succeed in getting a girl like Eliza Dushku (except the people giving this horrid movie more than 2 stars) The plot It the same old story all the teen movies. A outcast Dizzy Harrison (DJ Qualls) get expelled from his school and some how lands in prison (didn't bother to give much attention to detail ) but

Prison buddy luther (eddie griffin) teaches Dizzy the techniques of how to be popular He goes to his new school under the alias Gil Harris and are ever bodies hero thanks to luthers techniques and Danielle (Eliza Dushku )fall in love with him , but some one finds out about his real name and history of been a outcast and starts to threatens his repartition of been the hot new guy.

A terrible movie,

Teeth (I) (2007)

Mediocre at it best

[1/10 · 14 July 2008]

Mediocre at it best

The only redeeming feature about this horrid movie must be that its very original but in a bad way.

The plot are absolutely ridicules! I mean a young lady with an extra set of teeth between her legs are not horror it just plain sick. I think the writer wanted a original idea and then asked a mentally insane friend for some advice and the two of them come up with this mediocre movie.

the acting in this movie are just horrible

The leading lady named dawn must the most annoying actresses in motion picture history. Even the weak plot cant hide dawn/jess Weixlers lack in good acting abilities.

When you watch this movie it like getting your moral values degraded . If you ever see this movie on a shelf in DVD rental shop don't even waste your time to look at the cover.

Its shocking that people actually gives this movie 9 out of 10. don't be fooled, only the producers of teeth will give it 9 out 10

The ending sucks!! that old man are Hilarious, probably supposed to be scary.

Shivers (1975)

shivers=horrid movie

[1/10 · 7 July 2008]

If I am giving this movie 1 out of 10 I am giving it credit it doesn't deserve.

I had the honor to watch his so called classic last week. I knew some people claims that it's the best movie ever made but don't belief a word of it . it is absolutely are the worst movie in existence. I thought it cant be worst than some of the horrors that are produced these days, but boy were I in for a shock.

From the begging of this inept little movie (where the old man chases the seemingly very young girl around his apartment and doing his best to strangle her)and until the end are just absolutely horrible. This movie have nothing to offer. even if you take the year (1975)when this movie were made it cant be use as an excuse for the horrid movie I know some people call this a classic. They are completely wrong. Movies like Halloween, nightmare on elm street deserve to be called classics .shivers are so bad it must be used as an documentary of how not to make a movie.

The Walker (2007)

What the bloody hell????

[1/10 · 7 July 2008]

This movie must be in line for the most boring movie in years. Not even woody Harrison can save this movie from sinking to the bottom.

The murder in this movie are supposed to be the point of interest in this movie but is not, nothing is of any interest. The cast are not to bad but the script are just plain awful , I just sat in utter amazement during this movie, thinking how on earth can anyone find this movie entertaining

The producers of this movie were very clever. They made a boring movie but hid it well with the names of good actors and actresses on their cast. People will go to the blockbuster and probably see this movie and think, Woody Harrison ,Kristin Scott Thomas and Willem Dafoe this must be good and rent this movie.(boy are they in for a horrible time)

If you like getting ripped off go and rent this movie, some people actually did enjoyed this movie but I like to watch a movie with meaning

Employee of the Month (2006)

Sucker of the month

[1/10 · 3 July 2008]

Were to begin? Let me be honest, this movie is mediocre maybe 1 out of ten. Its difficult to enjoy n movie that's so predictable that this movie. its one of the movies that have been done a thousands times (and a lot better)the good guy vs. the bad guy the good guy wins and gets the girl. I have never in my life seen a male cashier Jessica Simpson once again supplies us with inept acting . but the honor of the worst acting in this movie must go to Dax Shepard aka Vince Downey the best male cashier It amazing that some people enjoyed this movie,but if you like boring predictable movies,full of lame acting aka Jessica Simpson and dax Sheppard kind of bad acting you will enjoy this. But it like watching a remake of every 1980 Comedy.

Igby Goes Down (2002)

Igby goes to bottom of the barrel.

[1/10 · 26 June 2008]

Its like watching wet paint get dry aka bloody boring!!!

What's the meaning of this movie? its like watching big brother almost nothing important happens in this movie. How the producers got Jeff goldblum,Rayn phillipe, Claire danes,Amamda peet to be part of this movie is a mystery.

The leading actor called James nicknamed igby (Kieran Culkin) are the biggest mistake in this movie. Every scene this inept little actor are in are doomed to be boring, unconvincing and full of bad acting.(almost the whole movie ) The women in the movie finds his charms completely beyond their control and he gets his way with them. His brother Oliver(phillipe) and his so called Godfather dad (goldblum) goes for 2nds It difficult to give a review about a movie without meaning but its got goal.

To teach the young generation it good to take pills with booze, its cool to smoke weed, it cool to be without any goal in life, but look what it did to his older brother Mr. ex home alone star. From hero to zero If you like to be ripped off at a rental shop go and rent this movie, but you have been warned

Blood Legend (2006 Video)

Death by inept acting

[1/10 · 23 June 2008]

O dear.

With the likes of Syn devil,Randel malobe and Jed Rowen this movie were doomed to suck.

I am truly shocked and amazed that movie like this don't have warning label on it, "don't watch this movie the acting talent in this movie are hazardous to your health" it will be very helpful.

From the opening scene until the ending credits this movie suck big time.

The witch/werewolf are played horrible by Syn devil. That demon/werewolf costume are hilarious ,the eyes of the mask don't even move. It must be first movie in history were a demon/werewolf picks up a ax to kill people, even if he have big claws.

I notice with this kind of movies the producers thinks its more important to get big breasted women in the movie that someone with a bit of acting skills. The worst acting in this movie must go to Jed Rowen aka Harry/the shotgun guy.

The part were harry discovers Moria(Syn devil)eating his friend were so bad its were hilarious. He keep on dropping bullets for his shot gun, but the fled into the woods after Moira growl at him. The ending sucked big time.

The Slaughterhouse Massacre (2005 Video)

heave a heart

[23 June 2008]

Sickle /Slaughterhouse Massacre

If you like movies full of bad acting, bad plot, a leading lady that cant act and a hilarious killer you will still not enjoy this movie. how bad was this movie?, well I asked for a refund the next day and the retail shop kindly refunded me. Now you know.

I almost thought they made a mistake at the rental shop at the opening scene. It looked like a cheap porno movie, but it wasn't.

Where to begin.

The party..must be the first party in history were only beautiful women are allowed. The lack of liquor and people smoking cigarettes are overwhelming, just one smoking pot. Why do all of this kind of movie always have a beautiful actress who cant act to play the leading role? She were beyond annoyingly bad.

Plot

Drunk teenage college kinds gets the idea to go and visit the legendary slaughter house.(but the leading lady Mandy keep telling them let's go home).

But when they accidentally revive murderer Marty Sickle all hell breaks loose . Marty sickle must be the worst killer/ghost/demon in history.

The dialog in this movie are almost as bad as the acting. Not even one person cant act. Have a heart.

Don't say I didn't warn you.

The Zombie Chronicles (2001 Video)

Chronically pathetic

[1/10 · 23 June 2008]

I received this movie as a gift, I knew from the DVD cover, this movie are going to be bad.After not watching it for more than a year I finally watched it. what a pathetic movie….

I almost didn't finish watching this bad movie,but it will be unfair of me to write a review without watching the complete movie.

Trust me when I say " this movie sucks" I am truly shocked that some bad filmmaker wane bee got even financed to make this pathetic movie, But it couldn't have cost more than $20 000 to produce this movie. all you need are a cheap camcorder or a cell phone camera .about 15 people with no acting skills, a scrip that were written by a couple of drunk people.

In the fist part of this ultra bad move a reporter (Tara Woodley )run a suppose to be drunk man over on her way to report on a hunted town. He are completely unharmed. They went to a supposed to be abandon house ,but luckily for the it almost complete furnished and a bottle of liquor on the door step happens to be there. just for the supposed to be drunk man but all is not what it seems.

Then the supposed drunk man start telling Tara ghost/zombies stories.

The fist of his stupid lame stories must be the worst in history.

his story

Sgt. Ben Draper let one of his soldiers die of complete exhaustion (I think this is what happens)after letting the poor soldier private Wilson do sit ups he let him dig a grave and then the soldier collapse ,Ben Draper

buries him in a shallow grave.

But Sgt. Ben Draper are in for n big surprise. his wife/girl fiend knows about this and she and her lover kills Sgt. Ben Draper to take revenge on private Wilson.(next to the grave of the soldier he sort off murdered) The soldier wakes up from his grave in the form of zombie and kill them for taking revenge on his behalf.

The twist ending were so lame.

Even if you like B HORROR movies, don't watch this movie

Shoot 'Em Up (2007)

Unrealistic bond rip off

[1/10 · 18 June 2008]

Luckily I didn't paid to watch this unrealistic trash. I think Clive Owen are not that bad actor, he must just stop signing up to be part of movies like this peace of trash.

Everyone knows Clive Owen were in line to be the next James Bond. He didn't get the part. then someone decided lets make a movie called shoot them up. (after the big hype of Clive almost getting the part of James bond some people will be fooled with the idea of this movie and financed this. it worked they got their finance and fans.)

Rules for this movie

This movie must be more unrealistic than any bond movie ever made. The dialogue must be worst. The love interest of smith/bond must be beautiful and like any Bond movie she can t stand smith/bond, but his charm gets the best of her and she falls in love.

Smith /Bond must be a real terror to every villain. He hates everything like bad drivers, men with ponytails Bonds martini and Walter ppk are replaced by carrots (he kills people with his carrots) To ad some sentiment to this movie a baby are added.

This move could have been much better if it were a spoof of 007 movies, but the people responsible for this travesty did it to cash in. They know there are people who will love this kind of inept movie even if it leaves 80 % of the people watching it in a cinema very angry. if you have seen some bond films you don't have to watch this movie.

The Ringer (2005)

This movie are just horrible

[1/10 · 17 June 2008]

Where must I begin with the horrible and sometimes just unwatchable bad movie. First off all I don't have any problems with handicap people, but the people who are responsible for this trash have no respect for them.

I had the wonderful honor to watch this movie and feel its my duty to warn people about just how bad it truly are. The whole movie sucked from the idiot lawnmower accident ,until the "you scratch my Cd" boy after that the movie goes down hill fast.

How this movie even go financed I truly don't know.

It you haven't watched this movie don't. Go and do something useful with you time and money.