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bruceski
Reviews
Planet of the Apes (2001)
Just a bunch of former-models without any dialogue.
Terrible dialogue, average acting. At times, boring. But...a lot of apes screaming and yelling and generally acting like a bunch of monkees. Now that made my day!
Some questions:
1. Where did the buxom blonde human find such a great plastic surgeon on that god-forsaken planet? And how did she always manage to wear make-up, even after going for a couple swims?
2. Did anyone else find it a tad unfair that Mark Wahlberg stole the chimp's spaceship? I mean, after all this hubbub about apes and men living together in equality, the brash spaceman learns nothing and leaves the chimp behind!
3. Didn't you wonder whether those soldier apes were stolen from the Klingons? I was waiting for Picard and Worf to emerge...
Instinct (1999)
Formulaic, poorly written, and totally falls short.
Whatever you think about its message (which is trite for all except 15 year olds), Instinct is a formulaic and completely unbelievable product. Cuba Gooding looks and acts more like a Wall Street banker than a psychiatrist. His acting is far too intense for him to be believable as an inquisitive physician. His approach to his patient is often inappropriate and ineffective (I'm a physician, and my wife is a psychiatrist). Did anyone involved in this film's production do their homework here?
The movie is completely predictable at every turn. All the Hollywood stereotypes are used, including the inflexible, aging prison warden, the brutal correction officers, and the wacky yet endearing "insane" prisoners. Anthony Hopkins' moments of outburst and violence never surprise. Even the music is formulaic with its sweeping, dramatic touches.
Worst of all, the character development seems to move without logical progression. Incredibly, in one or two interviews Gooding's not-to-convincing shrink is able to wrestle Hopkins from his mute shell. In one scene, Hopkins is a shaggy, ornery, and unpredictable animal, and then within 15 minutes he's drawing sophisticated world maps on his prison cell wall and philosophizing about mankind's arrogance.
The message of the movie is irrelevant if it can't deliver it within a convincing story! If I wanted ONLY the message I could re-read a few of my high school newspaper's editorials.
Titan A.E. (2000)
A total miss.
Though the animation is great, this movie is bad. There is nothing unique about a boring plot and characters entirely stolen from Star Wars and Star Trek. The dialogue is atrocious. The characters are completely unlikable. The attempts at humor are unsuccessful. Only children with no sense of sci-fi history will find anything redeeming here. What a complete disappointment!
Trekkies (1997)
Provides another glimpse into our culture.
Trekkies is a very brief, limited examination of those whose lives revolve around Star Trek (the TV series and the movies). The film overemphasizes the 'extremists' -- men and women who always wear Starfleet uniforms, create Captain Pike's life support unit, and learn the Klingon language. Unfortunately, the movie doesn't comment on the vast majority of serious Star Trek fans who live normal lives, wear normal clothes, and whose devotion to the series is limited to watching the weekly episodes of Voyager, the repeats of The Next Generation and Deep Space Nine, and the movies released every two to three years.
What we DO learn is that these 'off the deep end' Trekkies are apparently good people, who do good things, and basically don't bother anyone else. Their hobby is really no different from stamp or beer can collecting, only more visible.
I don't believe the film ridicules/lampoons these fanatics. On the contrary, it shines a strangely flattering light on devotees of one the world's newest and (ostensibly) everlasting crazes. I was especially impressed with the Star Trek cast members (who, in reality, are only a bunch of actors lucky enough to be part of Star Trek) who don't turn their noses upward when discussing this phenomenon. Watch it for another glimpse into our culture. As Brent Spiner (who played Data on the Next Generation) put it, "We're all unique".
American Gigolo (1980)
Avoid this film.
Why do Richard Gere and Lauren Hutton act like they just received frontal lobotomies? Why does Hector Elizondo (who was very likable in Chicago Hope) seem totally miscast? Why does the plot of this film seem to make very little sense?
I guess we're supposed to see this film because we're intrigued by Richard Gere being in a near full frontal scene, and the concept of his sleeping with older rich women. No thank you.
There's nothing romantic about the romance, and there's nothing suspenseful nor intriguing about the murder plot. Skip to either American Beauty or American Pie sitting adjacent on the shelf. Trust me.
Alien (1979)
What more can I add?
Alien is the best horror film ever made. And outside of 2001 A Space Odyssey and Star Wars, it is the best Science Fiction film ever made. In every respect -- acting, characters, dialogue, mood, music -- Alien is flawless. It also features movie-making's greatest monster. One of those films I could watch indefinitely.
The Patriot (2000)
Hollywood revisionism and complete trash.
The maudlin, revisionist story of the mighty landowner who fought for family and country. The characters impose late 20th century ideals and accents onto an undoubtedly less 'sensitive', less feminist period. When the marriage on the beach occurs -- complete with South Carolinian, white landowners rejoicing hand in hand with black slaves to the Caribbean melodies -- I nearly fell over laughing. Hollywood's, and Mel Gibson's, take on 18th century America. Who are they trying to kid? With such gross inaccuracy the movie loses all credibility with regard to it's depiction of the actual battle scenes. I didn't know what to believe. Add to the mix some hyper-emotional, cathartic releases by these '1990's' men and you have American Revolution suitable for the whole family. Just avert your eyes when the occasional cannonball decapitates 'our' militiamen. What a joke. This kind of 'all American' movie makes me embarrassed, not proud, to be an American. This kind of tripe is another in a long line of films more about the lead actor (Gibson, our Braveheart) than the story it tries to depict.
Lulu on the Bridge (1998)
Love and Loss, and the little stone that makes it real.
Keitel, Dafoe, and especially, Sorvino carry this film. Those who criticize their performances as emotionless don't seem to understand that episodes of love in 'real' peoples' lives need not be filled with overt rapture. In other words (appropriate to this film), we don't need to be re-creating Gene Kelly's 'Singing in the Rain' scene when fate brings us into those moments of untainted happiness. The actors brought to their roles exactly what was necessary. The film is about the unpredictable yet apparently fatalistic turns life can take. Though we might not be able to say what is going to happen next with each passing scene, there is some method (guided by an inanimate object in this film) to the madness. As the viewer, you sense, for better or worse, that the characters are inexorably moving toward an end, traversing both love and loss on their journey. This film will either captivate or alienate the viewer, just rent it and see for yourself.