Two and a Half Men (2003–2015)
Charlie Sheen: Charlie Harper
Photos
Quotes
-
Alan Harper : Okay, name 3 things you would change about me.
Charlie : Your personality, your wardrobe and your address.
-
Alan Harper : Who is Alan Harper?
Charlie : That's easy. Alan Harper is an idiot.
-
Rose : [this is Charlie's last appearance in the entire series] I think that's everything.
Charlie : What'd you tell your husband?
Rose : I didn't have to tell him anything. He's in New York for a big fashion show.
Charlie : Perfect. So what kind of clothes does he design anyway?
Rose : Men's sports wear mostly.
Charlie : Anything I might like?
Rose : No, it's more the kind of stuff Alan would wear.
Charlie : Oh. So, tacky.
Rose : I think I left my raincoat in the bedroom.
Charlie : I'll get it.
Rose : Oh, thanks.
[realizes he might find out about the mannequinn]
Rose : Uh-oh.
Charlie : [opens the closet and sees the mannequinn in front of him] Whoa! I guess the guy brings his work home with him.
[takes a closer look at the clothes]
Charlie : Yep. Tacky.
[grabs Rose's raincoat]
Charlie : I got it!
-
Charlie : [repeated line, whenever he's put in a sticky situation] Whoa...
-
Alan Harper : [they are just about to sleep] You want to watch porn first?
Charlie : No!
Alan Harper : Why not?
Charlie : I'm drunk, in bed, in a hotel room with my brother and you want to know why I don't wanna watch porn?
-
Charlie : [repeated line, when he senses trouble] Oh boy.
-
Evelyn Harper : We are at the same theater! What a happy coincidence!
Charlie : Yeah, just like Booth and Lincoln.
-
Charlie : You're angry and resentful. But what you need to understand is that resentment is the mortar that holds the bricks of loneliness together in a wall of alienation and despair. Chapter 3: "Knocking Down the Wall".
Alan Harper : Bite me. That's Chapter 1 in my forthcoming book entitled "Bite Me". Chapter 2 is called "Kiss My Pale White Ass".
-
[repeated line]
Charlie : That ship has sailed.
-
[scrolling through contact list]
Charlie : [sings alphabet] A, B, C, D, E, F, G, H... Hookers! Hookers, hookers, hookers...
-
Alan Harper : Uh, if Mom's ever in a coma, you're the one who has to decide to pull the plug.
Charlie : Pull.
-
Charlie : [on Jake] How can I be blackmailed by Forrest Gump?
-
[repeated line]
Charlie : What the hell are you doing?
-
Alan Harper : A movie would be fine.
Charlie : All right. A movie it is. What's out that's good?
Jake Harper : There's a new pirate movie. It's rated "Arrrr"!
[Alan and Charlie doesn't laugh and just stare at him]
-
Charlie : [repeated line, when someone says something dumb] Hellooo?
-
[repeated line]
Charlie : She/He's not coming back.
-
[repeated line]
Charlie : Get out.